My ex has been accused of many things ... using common sense is not one of them. The following story perfectly illustrates why I found it necessary to break my children's heart, move out to the country and nearly bankrupt myself to escape his insanity...
My ex owns a small heating and cooling company that is barely surviving. He blames the bad economy, two years of high gas prices and global warming which only seems to be effecting our winters while leaving the summers cool and mild resulting in little demand for his services. So, he gets this great idea.
He decides he is going to go into the pest control business to help keep his sinking ship afloat. Logical reasoning to this point as it is certainly true that the area we live in does have a lot of bugs and creepy crawlies of all shapes and sizes.
He figures he can contact his current customers to let them know about this new service and therefore save money on advertising while quickly getting his new venture off the ground. Another logical conclusion, but there were two problems with this...
First of all, the pest control field is heavily regulated not only by the state, but by the Federal Government as well, and he had to go and hire him an expensive certified pest control operator before he could even buy the chemicals necessary to complete treatments he had not even sold yet.
His next problem was the fact that a large majority of his heating and cooling clients were already under contract with other termite and pest control companies and seemed very hesitant to leave them.
He then figured that if he could offer them something better than the competition could, well then they would certainly see the reasoning in jumping ship and signing up with him.
So he set his wheels to turning and figured that since all the chemicals are basically the same and the treatment process was dictated by the regulatory agencies, and therefore the same, the only thing he could possibly do to set himself apart was increase the accuracy with which the detection of these pests was carried out, specifically in the area of termite detection.
I've sold a few houses in my day and it is required by law, at least in my area, to have a termite inspection before closing. I've watched these inspectors with their flashlights and screwdrivers poking about in a most unscientific manner and confidently declaring their findings on official looking documents that seem to somehow satisfy all parties involved.
My ex says that only 50% of active termite colonies are discovered because they only become apparent when significant visual damage has been done. He added that yes there was often evidence of termite tubes on outside walls but statistics are statistics and he was sticking to the reported numbers.
He said that humans rely on visual evidence but that he had heard of specially trained dogs that could pick up the scent of termites behind walls and underground even. These "termite detection dogs" were almost 100% accurate in finding termites! What a selling tool this would be, he thought!
Well, termite dogs are about $5000.00 and that is something, at least according to child support enforcement, he did not currently possess. But still, what a hell of an idea and the only possible way to set himself apart from the competition!
I was surprised to find out that no one else in the area uses these dogs and was about to work out a deal with him to have my wealthy sister perhaps fund this investment ... at interest of course.
Before I could arrange this agreement though, he decided he would get him a dog from the animal rescue mission and train it himself. Which of course he did.
At least the getting of the dog part, not the training. So here he sat with a dog that he couldn't even train to sit or use the bathroom outside and a commitment in writing sealed by a $150.00 check that he would care for this poor stupid dog for the rest of its useless life.
So, he gets to thinking again and he introduces the children to the dog and they fall head over heals for it. Had I taken a moment to remember who I was dealing with I probably could have accurately predicted and therefore blocked his next move which was to give the dog to the kids as a Christmas present!
Now, the arrangement the ex and I have with the kids is that he sees them on the weekends. He is a great dad, but is not consistent in any way and will go a month or more without seeing them figuring that breaking our agreement in that manner versus demanding to see them more often is a okay ... which it is because I want the little trouble makers around as much as possible anyway, but that is beside the point.
So anyway, the kids want the dog and don't want to go weeks with out seeing her so I agree to welcome her into our home. Big mistake, there was a reason she had been abandoned in the first place!
I've never seen such a lazy dog. The kids try and play with her and just like the rest of their inanimate toys they got for Christmas they have lost interest and she is now collecting dust sleeping for hours on end on my new sofa.
The only time she gets up is to pee and poo on the floor. She will also drag herself into the dining room to eat when dinner is put on the table but she seems terribly bothered by the whole thing. Can you believe that I have to actually physically pick her up to take her outside in hopes she will one day use the bathroom there!
I told my ex I was going to put her on Craig's List or in the septic tank if he didn't come and get her. He pleaded with me not to because they put a tracking chip in her and if someone else who was as foolish as I had been to take on this frustrating lump of worthless flesh got frustrated with her and dumped her out on the highway somewhere, well then he would be in serious trouble what with the new three strikes law and all.
So, I have a broken termite detection dog that is useless in every way possible, stained carpets and another ungrateful mouth to feed (ooops, did I write that out loud?) and I have no idea what to do about it.
The kids beg me not to get rid of her even though they totally ignore her now and the dumb animal was actually lost and went unnoticed for two days under a pile of dirty clothes in my son's closet! They promise to help more with the potty training and pet psychotherapy expenses, but I'll believe it when I see it!
Oh well, it was me that ultimately said yes to this silent intruder and it will be me that suffers the consequences of my ex husband's bad decisions until I'm dead and buried, and when I think about it, it seems I wouldn't have it any other way.
