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As parents, we are always on the lookout for a better way to raise our children. We can become consumed with a planned method that usually contains a set of rules that must be followed. These rules are clearly set before our children and we expect them to be followed. After all, it was the way we were raised and you followed them to a tee, right?
Each household needs some guidance when it comes to raising children. It is also important that each parent establish the best relationship possible before setting out those rules. Achieving this goal starts at an early age. If you happened to miss that phase, it's still not too late.
Perhaps you were raised in a different environment and may have a history of being treated with little understanding. Changes continue in our society. The ability to adapt to those changes and compromise with your child's needs are foremost in any good relationship. Here are six steps to creating a better relationship with your child.
Step 1: Place yourself in your child's shoes. Try to guess what they are thinking or experiencing. You need an unbiased approach to deal with any issues your child may be facing. Never forget that you were once their age! Try to remember how times were. Recall feelings and thoughts that are related to your child today. Above all, place your child's needs and feelings above yours. This includes anger and frustration.
Take a new approach. Begin by making sure you are calm enough to communicate with your child. Then relate to them in a casual manner. You might tell them, " I am really trying to understand you more and I could use your help. Can I talk to you about how I feel on this subject?"
Step 2: Keep an open mind on any answers you get. If their thoughts don't connect with yours, don't feel incompetent. And don't become overwhelmed. It is easier to give up or express your anger than it is to deal with a problem you may not understand. Again, remember that times have changed. Communication with your child is the key to a better relationship. You must remain calm and give yourself some time to react. Re think the problem by combining it with your thoughts and theirs. Make sure you allow enough time for the correct answer to become adsorbed in your mind.
You can only understand your child by taking the time to do so. This means stepping back and assessing how your child feels about a subject or problem. This is your chance to guide them in a better direction by inserting your thoughts casually into the issue. Don't let your ideals and traditions get in the way. How can you integrate those feelings into a better understanding?
Step 3: Let the entire issue sink in slowly before taking any action. If you must make a comment that you are not in agreement with tell your child that you will have to think about it first. Think, think, think before you react.
You want to share your wisdom because you have the experience. Can you do that in a way that will not turn them off? You know how much you hated hearing "when I was your age"! Children still hate to hear that. Consider phrasing it into, " When I had to face that problem, I remember what it was like. Here's what I learned from my experience...." Your knowledge is very important to developing a good relationship. It is also a very healthy part of their development. The message may not get through at this point and time, however, it will at some point and time.
Step 4: The best way to get your child to tune out is to give them a lecture. Remember that one? Stage your thoughts. You may need to give your advise a little at a time. You will be able to tell when your child is tuning out so be aware of that in your conversations. Either move on to another topic or save it for another time. If the issue needs immediate explanation, you may want to say something like. " I can see your losing interest here. Can I get your reaction now?" Break up the conversation and you will get their attention again. Knowing your child's interest is waning, keep the comments short and to the point.
It is important to give positive comments more than negative ones. There is a 5 to 1 rule on this. Five positives for every negative one. Even negative comments need to be phrased in a tactful and helpful manner. Despite all the positive comments you make, the negative ones seem to stick the most. Sometimes they last a life time. Be careful of what you say. Go back to step 4. Think before you speak. Especially if you are going to make an assumption.
Step 5: Once you get a good, stable and solid communication going, stick to it. The whole idea of this article is to get you to establish a level of communication where your child respects you enough to listen. You loose that communication when they start to argue or get angry with you and you do the same thing back. Yes, it is easier said than done. However, this is the most crucial point in any relationship. It is something you must work at. Perhaps one step at a time.
Step 6: One of the major issues we face as parents is getting the message across about education. It was good that we all loved school so much, wasn't it? Remembering how your child may feel about school, work with your teacher more than your student. When you know what they need to be doing in school and for school work, it is a lot easier to state the facts and let them know that you are up on their assignments. The hassles parents face getting their children to become A students is the number one relationship destroyer.
If you have a hard time helping your student with school work, consider using a tutor. You can even locate a good one on line. There are programs on the Internet that have tutors who will help your child on line, at home. This is a safe and convenient way to eliminate a huge relationship issue so you can concentrate on the task of establishing a better relationship.
David Rentze looks back on his 40 years of parenting. He invites you to learn more about parenting options and relieving the major stress associated with getting your child to do their school work. You can learn more about relationships and on line tutoring for your child by going here
Disclaimer: All information on this site is provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
or organization.
