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Two happily married couples, together for over
fifteen years:
"If I had to pick out
one thing that has made the difference in our marriage, I guess it would be
that he makes me laugh." ~Sarah
"We just enjoy each
other's company. We're playful and tease each other in a light-hearted way. Life
can be so hard, and finding ways to make each other smile seems to be the
antidote for us." ~Hal
Two couples struggling to stay together:
"We used to have so
much fun. It's been years since we laughed together. I don't know what
happened." ~Michael
"Everything between
us is so serious now. It used to be that I couldn't wait to get home after a
hard day at work and unwind with Steve To be honest, now I have more fun with
my friends." ~Terri
Spouses and partners who learn to laugh
together have important advantages over couples who do not share the carefree abandon
of laughter.
Is laughter a panacea that
will cure all your relationship problems? Of course not, but making the
conscious choice to incorporate laughter and humor into your relationship
(whether you and your partner are naturally funny or not) offers several
benefits.
Marriage Help: 5 reasons you should make
your spouse/partner laugh:
1. Laughter fosters a sense of playfulness
and shared abandon
Children, unencumbered by
the adult restrictions maturity demands, are naturally playful and laugh often.
This energy is contagious. Unfortunately, this spontaneous source of energy is often
forced underground as we age and many adults seem to lose their connection to
this vitality. When you and your partner laugh together, you tap into this
energy pool and recapture the special liveliness of childhood. Laughter is an
energy source that can be used to invigorate your relationship.
2. Laughter forges a positive bond
The following pattern
seems painfully familiar to many couples: When you're first dating, your
relationship seems to transcend everyday life: it feels like an antidote to
stress, a buffer against life's inevitable struggles. Over time and as the
relationship becomes an ingrained part of the daily grind we call life, the
union that once offered a thrilling, escapist comfort now becomes more and more
associated with the reality of stress.
This is especially the
case when most of your time spent together involves navigating the pressures
and stresses of life, without the respite of playfulness. Shared pleasures are often lost as couples forget
to balance the stressful and the pleasurable. Learning to laugh together--setting the goal to
make each other smile and laugh--breaks these negative associations that can wear
down your relationship.
3. Laughter brings greater perspective
Have you ever said
something so absurd during an argument that you made yourself (and your
partner) laugh? And to your surprise, the argument quickly became irrelevant. Laughter
quickly elevates your mood and gives you the emotional distance needed to view
events in a new light. Life's daily stresses are more tolerable when laughter
becomes part of your routine.
People who take themselves
too seriously (and lack any sense of playfulness) live with an emotional
heaviness that is felt by others--everything seems to become weighted down with
an overbearing immensity. Seriousness has an important place in life and
love--but so does lightheartedness.
4. Laughter reduces defensiveness and
opens you up to new experiences.
We all protect ourselves
emotionally. Psychological defenses are like the seatbelt and airbags in your car--your
defenses are designed to prevent injury and cushion the blow when faced with
something that is potentially painful. But the same defenses that protect you in
one context also come at an emotional cost--especially when your defensive
barriers prevent you from making genuine contact with someone who has your best
interests in mind, like a loving and supportive spouse/partner.
When you and your partner
laugh together, you put your defenses on hold and open yourself up to a new
kind of connection with your partner. In this context, laughter deepens
emotional intimacy and allows greater trust to take hold.
5. Laughter acts as a buffer to stress
Have you ever laughed so
hard and then thought or said, "I really needed that!"?
Laughter acts as a much
needed, temporary respite from the pressures of life. It can recharge your
emotional battery (and your relationship's battery), it's a safe and effective
way to release pent-up physical and emotional tension, and laughter reduces
stress hormones while increasing the feel-good endorphins in your brain. It
seems as though laughter is just plain good for you.
Laughter acts as a protective buffer to
the inevitable stresses that couples face.
Simple ways to incorporate laughter into
your marriage or relationship:
Now that you see laughter
has numerous benefits for your relationship, the next step is the most
important: begin creating moments of mutual enjoyment and pleasure. And while
you're at it, make each other laugh.
Lacking a "natural"
sense of humor is no excuse. Here are just a few suggestions to get you started:
Rent a funny movie or
television series; go to a comedy show; play fun/silly board games with each
other and invite friends into the laughter; read a book of jokes together or
look for jokes-of-the-day on the Internet; develop your own David
Letterman-like top 10 list; ask friends if they've heard any good jokes and
share them with your partner; tickle each other; share a humorous story from
your childhood; do something novel and fun together; look for the absurdity and
humor in life
But most importantly: work
on creating a light-hearted mindset that will invite laughter into your
marriage or relationship.
The good news is that laughter
is contagious. So you'll naturally feel good when your partner laughs; and s/he
will feel good when you laugh.
This is a serious
challenge for many couples, especially if there has been a history of conflict
and hurt feelings. The effective use of humor and laughter involves good timing--you
and your partner should agree on a mutual
laughter-commitment. (Telling jokes while your partner is angry with you for
being insensitive isn't useful or funny).
So what are you waiting
for? Laughter--and a healthy relationship--await!
As a bonus, you will
receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your
relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you
argue before your arguments control you."
Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a relationship and
intimacy coach with fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples
live more fulfilling lives. |
