When it comes to romantic relationships, our hearts long for romance, passion, magic, and a sense of togetherness with which nothing can compete!
Too frequently, though, romance gives way to taking each other for granted a little bit here and a little more there. Life's routine interferes with our plans to 1) meet our soul mate in the first place and 2) after we have found him, keep the passion hot and alive! The difference between dreaming about the perfect relationship and having the relationship of your dreams is the willingness to take action based on the results you have verses the results you desire.
If you are between relationships and looking for the next one or if you are presently in a relationship that is less than desirable, begin by looking at the results you presently have and have gotten in the recent past. How do you usually relate to your man? Who tends to win the arguments between you? Are kindness and compassion evident in your relationship? Is your sex life satisfying? Do you have emotional ties to someone else that would threaten your partner? Does he abuse you? Are you the abuser?
Make two lists. On one list, write about what is (or has been) right in your relationship. On the other list, write about what is (or has been) wrong with your relationship. The lists are private so you can make it personal. If you need to write down what was right and wrong about him, go for it. The things that were right and wrong about him are still your results.
When you are done, read the two lists and take responsibility for every single item there. Look at the lists from the perspective that because this person and these things showed up in your life, you are responsible for it. You got these results from your most recent relationship. If you make no changes, you will keep getting the same results. Be forewarned, changing the man involved isn't enough! If all you change is the man involved, you will get the same results as before.
In order to get new results, how you are being must change. So make a third list. Make a list of new results you want to see in either your present or the next relationship. Be thorough. If something seems too silly to write down, write it down anyway.
The magic of this exercise lies in the difference between these three lists and what you choose to do about it. Walt Disney said, "If you can dream it, you can do it!" Making dreams come true begins in the imagination but ends in the action steps required to make it so. Following are some possible scenarios you might find yourself in because of making these lists and choosing to do something about your way of being in order to create the relationship of your dreams.
Are you the predator type? Do you pursue men? Did you gain your present romantic partner because you seduced him? If you now see a direct link between the seductress side of you and romantic unhappiness, take the action step of stillness! Study what it means to be the receptive, feminine energy in a relationship and then make the choices necessary to become that.
For instance, the way a feminine, receptive woman tells a man she is interested in him is through direct eye contact (no spoken words) that lasts about five seconds. In this way, she creates the space for him to pursue her. Her actions suggest that if he comes over and speaks to her, his effort will be rewarded. When he chooses to approach is in his domain.
Making the choice for this kind of behavior can be frustrating for a woman used to seducing. However, trying this new way of being can make all the difference in creating the relationship of your dreams.
On the other hand, if you are a woman unhappy in love because men either ignore you or walk all over you; your first action step will be to practice speaking up, thereby gaining confidence in yourself as an attractive woman. Direct eye contact can work for you as well as you use it to learn how to be comfortable taking up space on the planet as a woman who makes a difference!
Whenever and in whatever ways you find your relationship isn't working for you, begin by taking responsibility for those things by accepting them as your results. Determine how the way you are being could change in order to make a difference. Plan action steps and carry through with them in order to address your way of being. See what new results you get. Your results will tell you if further course corrections are needed or if you are where you want to be.
Making a choice for these kinds of behavior changes takes courage and patience. It is worth it when the result is the relationship of your dreams.
If having the relationship of your dreams is more important than being right about your present results, enjoy the new action steps and new way of being you will develop for yourself. Your new results will reward you!
Bio: Sarah Elizabeth Malinak is a self-love coach and co-author with her husband, Joseph, of "Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart," the definitive book on the romantic relationships of mama's boys and daddy's girls. http://www.IdealRelationships.com and http://www.SarahElizabethMalinak.com FREE e-Newsletter available!
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