As many of you know by now, on January 10 our first grandchild was born. It has been an interesting last few days, with him being kept in the neonatal ICU unit for several days after our daughter had been discharged. However, he's finally home and getting used to life on the outside. (And I'm sure his parents are making some major adjustments as well!)
For me, it's been a matter of trying to hold back and not let the emotions of MY baby having a baby get the better of me. Oh, sure, the veneer has cracked a time or two, but for the most part I've felt my role as new grandpa was better spent making sure that Mommy and Grandma didn't go emotionally overboard, bringing logic into some very difficult situations. Besides, in our culture Grandpa has been delegated to the level of "necessary evil". You think I'm kidding? When my wife and daughter were looking at baby clothing during the pregnancy, they found items galore saying "I (heart) Mommy" and "I (heart) Daddy" and "Grandma loves me best". Nada for Grandpa, though. Heck, they wouldn't even let me in the birthing room when my daughter went into labor!
In any case, I am finding this grandparent thing a little difficult to swallow. After some self-examination, I think I know the two main reasons why. First, by being "promoted" to the next generation, I'm faced with my own mortality. I've been a child; I've been a parent; now I'm a grandparent. I am not thrilled with the progression I see here. Second, I've seen how other grandpas act, and I don't want to be like that, all old and crotchety and crabby and shuffling around swinging their canes while forcing the grandkids to endure the when-I-was-YOUR-age speeches. It's hard to picture the "cool grandpa" doing things like that.
Fortunately for me, today I was given a reprieve of sorts. I was at our local superstore trying to pick up some items we needed at home. Couldn't find them, so wandered through the electronics section, the audio/video section, and eventually into the toy section. Seeing signs that said "clearance" I had to go down the aisle to see if anything looked interesting. What I didn't count on was making a wrong turn (ah, another sign of impending old age--he doesn't know where he's going!) and ending up in the baby toy aisle. I saw the typical comfort and educational toys and grimaced. Then I stopped. I saw it. A toy that uses a battery-powered air pump to push lightweight plastic balls up a vertical tube and into a circular tray, where they roll around until gravity forces them through a hole in the tray. They then drop into a rollercoaster-style half-pipe and roll down to the bottom of the device, putting them into a tunnel which takes them past the air pump and starts the process all over again.
At that moment, I had an epiphany. I embraced being a grandpa. Not wholeheartedly, as I'm still going to have to deal with the I'm-getting-older crap. But I realized (again) that just because I have to grow old doesn't mean I have to grow up. I don't need to go through a midlife crisis to feel younger, either. I can enjoy the benefits of empty nest (there are many) and still have a good time with the newest member of our family. And when I get tired of him, I can send him home.
The toy did not go into my shopping cart, but it's on my list. Eventually it will end up being one of those we-play-with-this-at-Grandpa's-house toys. Zach wants to enjoy it, he'll have to fight Grandpa to get some alone time with it.
Yeah, I think I can deal with this grandpa thing.
