|
Is it my fault that God made me prettier, smarter and younger than all the other mothers at my daughter's elementary school? Do I not go above and beyond the call of duty in my attempts at making these less fortunate mothers feel comfortable around me?
It is they who discriminate against me because I'm different. I'm alone in the corner of my child's classroom not by choice but rather through persecution. I am not the one making hushed comments behind their backs, acting less mature than the four year old children we are there to chaperone.
I feel alienated but also sorry for those who are so insecure that they must treat others in this unfair way, as if it is my fault I'm so uncomfortably pretty.
"Ms. Madson", my daughter's teacher calls loudly to get my attention, "please, can I speak with you a moment?"
I'm quite certain she wishes to apologize for the rude behavior of the other moms so I saunter confidentially across the classroom, an air of superiority dripping off my beautiful long blonde locks.
I hear muffled laughter as I go by and can only imagine what these poor creatures went through in high school.
"Ms. Madson", she said as I approached her, "I don't know how to tell you this without further embarrassing you, but the back of your skirt is tucked up into your panty hose and you're giving everyone quite a show".
That would certainly explain the similar stares at the gas station and bakery where I picked up the cupcakes for this little soirée.
This wasn't the first time this had happened either; you would think I'd take a little more care when putting myself together in the morning.
I've also put my shirt on inside out and wore socks that did not match properly a time or two.
I know of other women who have come out of the bathroom at work or a restaurant and walk by me with their bum exposed for all the world to see and I haven't said a word. I don't know why but I'm not alone in this; not one single mother, or customer at the bakery or person pumping gas at the filling station let me in on their little secret.
I wasn't sure exactly what to say at the moment and when I looked back at the other moms, they were all looking at me with stupid little grins on their faces. I told them I thought they were acting the way they had because they thought I was so pretty and felt uncomfortable around me.
I'm not sure which was more embarrassing, that comment or the fact that I had mooned everyone for the better part of the morning.
I joke about how I look all the time, but people think I'm being serious. Women are pretty sensitive when it comes to things like looks and don't get it when I brag about being so gorgeous, even though I'm really just kind of an average gal.
Men joke about how hot they are all the time and their friends just slap them on the back and say, "yeah, and I'm Brad Pitt".
I told the moms I was joking around and that I didn't really think that the reason they had all been looking at me so oddly was because of my unnerving beauty, and then I couldn't help myself and added, it was, however, a very plausible conclusion to have jumped to. Again, they just didn't get it.
Oh well, what can you expect from such simple minded people? I did mention how much smarter I am than everyone else, right?
For more from the mind of Myla, pleas go to http://www.mylamadson.com
|
