It is a common thing for us to assume
that a single person is missing something or missing someone. We tend
to want to help the single person become complete by playing
matchmaker, trying to hook them up. At other times, we pray profusely
for this or that single person to find that right person. We pray for
these two singles to find one another, because in our minds they
would make such a nice couple. Sometimes we are just too busy
running our own little eHarmony dot com, sizing singles up in order
to match them up.
But in our undying zeal to see singles
become couples, could we be practicing unbiblical conduct? Here is
what I mean. It is true that the Bible honors marriage (Hebrews
13:4), and the Bible uses marriage as a working model of the covenant
relationship between God and His people (Isaiah 54:5; Jeremiah
31:31-32; Hosea 2:2), or between Christ and the Church (Ephesians
5:22-33). Yet nowhere does the Bible ever portray being single as
something less than normal or less desirable. The Bible does not
speak of singles as incomplete people who need marital partners to
complete them.
On the contrary, the Scriptures tend to
praise singles. One way the Bible uplifts singlehood for God's people
is the sheer inclusion of so many prominent Bible characters who were
single for life or widowed without remarriage. Among these godly
singles are Daniel, Jeremiah, Jesus and Paul, as well as widows like
Naomi in the Book of Ruth and Anna, the saintly woman who was 84
years of age when the Baby Jesus was dedicated in the Temple (Luke
2:36-38).
Besides parading prominent single
characters, the Bible reveals some important truths about being
single and godly. Let me share four of those:
1.
Yahweh (God) is the Lover of the single (Hosea
2:19-20).
The single person can relate to God as his/her dependable
Lover. God's love for the single person is always unconditional,
unlike the love one may get from a typical human lover. How many
singles have abandoned singlehood for marriage only to find love with
all kinds of strings attached and to be disillusioned by the marital
experience? If God intended for you to be single, then He alone can
fill your deepest need for unconditional love. Don't reach for a
substitute in another human being. Don't let your married friends
fool you; marriage is often not the Paradise or panacea you think it
is. Don't get me wrong; marriage can be a great life, but it has its
own batch of troubles that may shock singles.
2.
Celibacy is a spiritual gift. God has given some people the ability
to remain single. Celibates are spiritually empowered to keep the sex
drive muted or tuned down to the point where they do not strongly
feel the need to gratify their sexual desire. Jesus Christ, the most
famous single person ever, had the gift of celibacy, and He made it
clear there were others with that spiritual gift (Matthew
19:12). The Apostle
Paul said he had the gift of celibacy as well (1
Corinthians 7:7-8).
There
are two categories of celibates: primary and secondary. Jesus Christ
was a primary celibate, because He never married or experienced sex
at all, contrary to what some novelists would have us believe. Naomi
and Anna, on the other hand, practiced secondary celibacy; they
received the ability to refrain from sexual activity after being
previously sexually active. Thus a widow or divorcee who remains
single without the need to fulfill herself sexually is a secondary
celibate.
Christ made it clear that a person, out of devotion to the Kingdom of God, can choose to be celibate (Matthew 19:12). In that case, such a devotee is likely to ask God for the power of celibacy, and God will grant that ability. The New Testament teaches that it is perfectly fine to desire a particular spiritual gift (1 Corinthians 12:31).
It
should be strongly noted that celibacy cannot be manufactured, short
of castration or some other physical operation on the sex organ. For
example, religion has tried to require celibacy of priests, but
priests who do not have the spiritual gift of celibacy will find
other ways to meet their sexual needs, unless those sexually potent
priests were castrated. Once the flame of sexual passion starts
burning within the hearts of those clergymen, they may masturbate,
have sex with females and father children under cover, or they may
sexually molest underage children.
Those who lack the gift of
celibacy, or who have not been surgically neutered, will find ways to
express and fulfill themselves sexually, thus making a mockery of
celibacy, and bringing shame on the name of the Savior and of His
Church. It would serve the cause of the Church more nobly if
singleness were an option rather than a requirement for the
priesthood, so as to minimize the sex crimes committed by clergymen
who lack the spiritual gift of celibacy.
3.
The Bible recommends singleness. This may seem or sound strange in
light of the Bible's strong support for marriage. But it's true, the
Bible actually encourages a Christian to remain single, if
that person has the gift of celibacy. Such a person need not force
the issue of marriage just to avoid the stereotype of being single (1
Corinthians 7:1-2,8-9).
However, Christian singleness is not to
be used as an option of convenience in the interest of personal space
or not wanting to deal with another person within marriage. Christian
singleness precludes sexual purity as a condition for the single
person to please the Lord in his/her sex life. Thus singleness with
sexual activity is not what the Scriptures commend. This makes
singleness for Christians the exception, not the rule, since most of
us are sexually driven enough to seek sexual fulfillment with others.
4.
There is such a thing as The
Single Advantage. The Bible teaches that the Christian single
can have a singular devotion to Jesus Christ. The Christian single
has an advantage over the married Christian when it comes to total
focus on the things of God. This single focus on the Lord may result
in greater happiness for the Christian single as compared to the
married Christian who is often distracted by marital obligation and
issues.
The Apostle Paul claimed to have
enjoyed this advantage in his own ministry. He wrote, In all you
do, I want you to be free from worry. An unmarried man can spend his
time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. But a
married man can't do that so well; he has to think about his earthly
responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are
divided. It is the same with a girl who marries. She faces the same
problem. A girl who is not married is anxious to please the Lord in
all she is and does. But a married woman must consider other things
such as housekeeping and the likes and dislikes of her husband. I am
saying this to help you, not to try to keep you from marrying. I want
you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few
other things as possible to distract your attention from him... in my
opinion she will be happier if she doesn't marry again... ( 1
Corinthians 7:32-35,40, LVB).
It
helps to understand that Paul's strong preference for the single life
was due in part to the prevailing persecution, which Paul called "the
present distress", being leveled against Christians at that time
(1 Corinthians 7:26). Also, Paul recommended singleness due to his
strong belief, at the time he wrote his first letter to the
Corinthian Church, that Jesus Christ would return in his lifetime and
the world would shortly come to an end. Thus he even advised married
Christians to behave as if they were not married. Paul wrote, But
this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even
those who have wives should be as though they had none
(1 Corinthians 7:29,
NKJV).
Without
the constraints of persecution and a sense of the imminent end of the
world, which Paul felt at that time, it is safe to say that the
biblical basis for a Christian choosing the single life should be on
the basis of celibacy, which is a spiritual gift, and because one
wants to serve Jesus Christ with undivided attention.
