Should regular people try to copy Celebrities? I apologize if it seems like I'm picking on Angelina, Britney, Madonna, Kate Moss and all the rest by singling them out just because they are celebrities. The problem isn't that they are famous - the problem is that we are bombarded with their stories - and many of us feel like we are somehow inferior because we're not famous and we have this vague sense that we need to be more like them.
On one hand, I have my days where I wish someone else cleaned my house, cooked all my meals, did all the other chores, ran all my errands and handled my kids while I went to the salon and had my entire body made beautiful by the world's foremost beauty experts.
On the other hand, do I really envy that? Maybe the lack of personal contact with their children and spouses is the reason so very few celebrity relationships last long enough to even get to the point of marriage. When they do marry it's a milestone if they stay together 4 years! That's the length of time Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston survived and the press went on and on about their long-term relationship. WOW! I'm about to be married 20 years - that's an eon by Hollywood standards.
OK, back to the mom side of it. Children of celebrities do not generally turn out well. Notice, I didn't say that NONE of them turn out well. It is a fact, however, that most of them do not. So what can regular moms learn from this? I have a few thoughts.
1. Children need their parents to be involved in their lives. Babysitters, nannies, and caregivers are fine and necessary at times for the scheduling, mental health, and rest of parents, but they can not replace nurturing by parents. If you don't know by now, let me be the first to burst your bubble - parenting is 24/7. Your kids will always need you. Take a break when you have to, but don't count on paying someone else to do your job. It's not the same.
2. Children do not need the best of everything to succeed. Going to the most prestigious schools, being exposed to every possible activity before the age of 6, having every toy in the store, designer clothing and all the latest everything is not a guarantee of success in life. In fact, research shows that children who do not "have it all" do better in life. Those who grow up having to help with chores, take responsibility for their choices, learn to live on a budget, and contribute to the smooth running of the household they are raised in are much better equipped to handle life as adults. After all, if they don't learn those things when they are growing up, when will they? Is there some magic age where they suddenly become responsible, self-controlled, contributing adults? No, those are learned behaviors and the learning begins at birth.
3. Don't take your parenting cues from celebrities. Get your advice and model your parenting after people whose children you admire. Find people who have raised children successfully, whose children have traits and characteristics you want your kids to have and find out how they did it. I'm even skeptical of "experts". The "experts" change their minds so often, it can cause great confusion among those of us trying to "get it right". So pick your experts carefully, but my experts were women & men I knew that were modeling successful parenting.
4. You don't need to be perfect. Relax! You are going to make mistakes. When you do, say you're sorry and change if you need to. That's what kids really need. A wise man once told me that perfection is getting what you need. If you need water and you get champagne, that's not perfection. If you need water and you get water - that's perfect. Children need loving, caring, involved parents. That's perfect.
Moms, your kids need you. They don't need you to look like Angelina Jolie. They don't need you to have Britney Spears' money. They don't need you to have the style of Kate Moss. Don't be intimidated. They don't need a Celebrity Mom. They need you.
