In troubled times, who do you turn to? Do you talk to a friend, your spouse or significant other, or a family member? Perhaps you turn to your pastor, priest, rabbi or other religious figure. Others may have a professional therapist they talk to. Do you look within yourself to work things out through reflection, prayer, writing or meditation? Do you talk to God? Perhaps you find ways to distract yourself so that your troubles will seem non-existent. Eventually, the troubles will find a way to pop up again if you don't deal with them and seek support.
I consider myself a highly spiritual person who is open to many beliefs, experiences and people who don't call themselves Christian. I know that I am developing spiritually everyday, which is what my life journey is about. This week's column may be controversial for some. Certainly, there will be some who will not agree with me and that is okay. I am writing to share my walk with being a Christian and what my own sense of spirituality currently means to me. I do so in order to share my experience with the purpose that it will help someone who needs it. I know my purpose is to serve others so it is in that spirit that I touch upon this topic.
I grew up in church, went to Sunday School regularly, read my Bible and even sang for years in the church choir. I wouldn't substitute or trade these experiences for anything. In my early adult years, I turned away from the organized church for awhile and found myself immediately drawn back to it when times got rough. These grounded teachings of my youth were the foundation of my support in later years.
During the most turbulent times of my life, I found myself praying a lot. I was in such need of support and guidance and felt that God wasn't answering my prayers. I literally was begging God to help me. That was the problem: it was all about me and with a fierce, deep, and often desperate, intensity.
So I was praying most of the time when I wanted something. Looking back, I was so self-centered in my prayers. I knew that I needed to learn how to pray in a better way that would lead me closer to God, so I began a more serious study of how to pray. I even became a certified lay speaker in my church along the way! I sought spiritual guidance from my pastor at the time and she helped me in so many ways that words cannot express. I am very grateful to her for her support and spiritual guidance.
Then something amazing happened. As I studied and practiced various ways of prayer, listened to every type of preacher I could, read more of the Bible and started praying more for others than myself, I developed a deeper, more personal relationship with God. I can also very honestly say that Jesus saved me. To Him, I am forever grateful.
A big turning point for me was when I began to pray for someone in my life who previously had made me feel bitter and vindictive. Those are very destructive feelings to have. I knew that these feelings of anger, bitterness and revenge were only hurting me and that I needed healing from these emotions. So I began by praying for this person.
At first, I didn't really "believe" what I was praying, but I continued to pray for him anyway. In fact, in the beginning, I honestly can say that I did it for self-motivated reasons. Over time, my negative feelings for this person melted away and then I realized that I had truly forgiven him. And the greatest gift from this experience is that I had forgiven myself! God gave me the forgiveness I needed both for him and myself! All of this was done through prayer and love: loving myself enough to immediately recognize these negative feelings inside of me, asking for forgiveness for having these feelings and praying in love for this person.
Looking back on all of it, I did a whole lot of "judging" of this person during the bad times. I learned it wasn't up to me to judge him, but to accept him for who he is, be grateful for having had him in my life and to let it all go. The only way I could do that was by staying in love, walking in love and seeking love.
Judging people is a dangerous path to walk. Are you perfect? Is anyone? Of course not! Yet our society gives us the impression that we can obtain perfection. Isn't it really in the eyes of the beholder? What is perfect for you is not perfect for me and vice-versa. Yet we judge each other so much. There are so many "shoulds" in the world, particularly by organized religion. If we look and listen to many people who call themselves Christian, you will probably observe that many are not good role models of loving behavior, as Jesus taught us how to live.
I am no saint so please don't take that the wrong way. It is not up to me to judge people, their actions and behaviors. I say this only as an observation, totally based on my personal experience. I witnessed it in my own church, which made me question whether I belonged there anymore. I haven't gone back to church for some time now. Currently, I am not regularly attending any organized religious place. I am looking around, exploring and seeing if there is a place where the church community feels right for me. If I find one that feels right, I will keep going back. If not, I am not going to worry about it.
I have seen people's loyalty to their own church, denomination or faith get in the way of how Jesus taught us how to live. I have seen so many people suffer from condemnation because they are not living up to what their denomination's doctrine says they "should" be like, act like and what they should think. I have seen it even from the religious leaders, so no one is immune.
Organized religion has a lot of "rules" which lend themselves to judgments, which can lead us to feelings of guilt and condemnation when we or others don't live up to those expectations. There are rules in some churches of how you dress, what you say, who can serve in what positions, how long the sermon is, whether or not you can get married there, whether or not you can get a divorce and be "right" in the eyes of God, responses to prayers during the sermon, what you sing, how you praise, who can become a member, how you pray and when you pray it, and the list goes on!
I have seen and heard people gossip about other church members, frown upon a newcomer to the church because of his or her clothes, witnessed countless power struggles between church members and church leaders, people judging each other and all in the name of Jesus! That is not very Christian-like, in my view. (I have also seen a whole lot of good things being done, so please don't misunderstand me.) For every time I see or hear or witness negativity being expressed in a church setting, I ask myself, "What would Jesus do?" or "How would Jesus respond?"
Jesus stands for love. Jesus taught acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness, generosity, healing...the list of beautiful lessons is many! You don't have to be Christian to find value in studying the teachings of Jesus. There is value there for everyone. I believe that there is value in studying the master teachers of every major world religion and philosophy. For me, Jesus is the perfect example of how to walk in love. He taught us to love unconditionally and especially toward those who society often defines as 'outcasts.' If Jesus returned today (as many Christians believe he will do), would we welcome him with open arms? Would we even know if we saw him?
Now I realize that wherever groups are formed, rules tend to be made or we would have anarchy in the world. An organized church is an example of a group that has developed its own set of rules. I am not suggesting that churches be disbanded, but there is value in looking around you and within you, observing and determining whether your current situation still works for you. If you are in a church now, pay attention to what the messages are that are being conveyed. Do these messages still work for you? Or are you only there because this was the way in which you were raised? Are you there because you feel some sort of obligation? Perhaps you have committed yourself to some leadership role and don't know how to now get out of it. Do you really know what you believe and does your church represent your deepest beliefs? Do you feel comfortable with your church and its members? Does it give you a feeling of trust that you can go there in times of trouble? How do you think Jesus would react to your church? If the answers to these questions are positive for you, then that's probably the place for you to be. If not, maybe it's time for you to reflect upon and think about exploring other options, without guilt about doing so. No one says that we have to stay in the same place our entire life. Who says? It is okay to explore and grow and it's ok to do so without feeling guilty about it!
So who do you turn to in times of trouble? What is really in your heart? It doesn't matter to me if you are Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu or from some other organized religion. Even if you think you're an Atheist (and I bet that "atheists" in the most desperate of times may call out to God at some moment), it is helpful to ask yourself who you turn to in times of need and trouble in life. I have learned in my journey that what matters most is the walk I do in love, with love and in being love.
In being love, we practice love. If we practice love, which Jesus said was the greatest of all the commandments, we grow spiritually by leaps and bounds. We learn to forgive ourselves and others. We learn to love ourselves and others. We are more at peace. The more we focus on these emotions and feelings and practice them in our daily lives, the more these qualities come to us, in the form of people, places, circumstances, inspirations, ideas and opportunities. The essence of being love to all, including ourselves, is that it brings us into a closer relationship with God. We feel God. We can hear Him. We know what to do next. We have God within us. That is the beauty of my journey.
To be love is to know God. God is love. How many times have we heard that? Do you believe it? If you do and want to have more love in your life and don't know where to start, try spending quiet time with yourself everyday. It may just be five minutes a day to start. Start by closing your eyes and just "listening" to whatever comes up. Your mind will probably be going at a hundred miles an hour, but with time and practice, you will learn to "quiet" your mind. Make room for God to speak to you. If you are comfortable with prayer, ask God for guidance on how best to start. Consider meditation. There are CDs and audios that you can buy to get you started, if you don't know how to do it. If you find this difficult or don't want to invest money on anything right now, then just focus on your breath. In addition, don't forget to focus on feeling good, too! The more you focus on feeling good, the more you will feel good and in time, the longer the "quiet" time will be. You'll feel more at peace and more "good" will come to you. Pay attention to how great it feels. Then try to remember these feelings of "good," "joy," "love," and "peace." Soak it in. When trouble sets in again, try to focus your attention back to these wonderful feelings and it will help you.
I believe that one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to explore these issues. Who do you turn to in times of trouble? Is that working? If so, how can you deepen the connection so that less "trouble" comes your way? (You will find that as you grow that you don't view it as "trouble" anymore, too!) If your support system is not working, then try something different. The important thing is to start, even if you don't "feel" forgiving, loving, positive or any of those loving states of being! Pretend that you do and it will come. You will be transformed. Love yourself enough to start and see where it takes you.
» left by Rachel from Lodi, CA (248 days 20 hours ago.)
Barbara,
What a GREAT article...I truley enjoyed it and needed to hear it. You know, many people out in the world are afraid to speak the truth and accept the truth!
I would like to THANK YOU for sharing, this is something I needed to hear!
Rachel, Thanks for commenting here--for taking the time out to read what I had to say. I'm glad that it was of some benefit to you. All the best, Barbara
Barbara, I know what you are talking about, about who you turn to, but sometimes I think that people make this more complex that what it really is....There is allot of talk about religion on SearchWarp, I try not to write about it because everybody else does it enough, so I stick to other issues. I am a Christian, and I am very proud of it, I believe in my Lord Jesus Christ, and he, and only he, is the one I turn to when I need someone to talk to. Its that simple for me. To me, any Christian that is worth their salt, already realizes who is always there to talk to, or to help them untangle their troubles that the weave. I really don't need any other books than the bible, and that is all I really need. I agree with your article, for the exception of church's, I never go to them, and if I do, it is rare. I was discussing this with Sandra earlier, and my church is in my heart. I don't have to go and listen to gossip about who should be wearing what, I am there to hear the word of God. My father had taught me that the true church lies within your heart. It is where God lives, and your body is the temple of God. I really feel that church's have become more of a social club. and I just don't fee it necessary. I believe in Christ, and that is all I really need to do....I did like your article you put a lot of thought into it, and it was a great read, Very well done, and I also give it two thumbs up...Great one.....Your fan, and friend in pen......Gary
Gary, Thank you for sharing your insights and feelings about your faith here. It is deep and profound. I love to listen to my heart and my heart says that you're a very loving soul. Thanks for reading and commenting. Warmly, Barbara Respond to this comment
Thank your for a very thought provoking article. I don't go to church but I am a Christian with a very strong support group. My experience has taught me to seek Christ for the answers and they will come.
Linda, Thank you for your comments and your insights as a Christian woman. I appreciate you taking the time here. Warmly, Barbara Respond to this comment
Hi Barbara it has been a long time since I came on and read one of your articles..this one was as powerful as I remember your writing. Thank you for sharing your insights.
Thank you, James, for stopping by and commenting. It's also been awhile since I've written here. Your comment may inspire me to get moving again on the writing. Warmly, Barbara Respond to this comment
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