By Kristie Deveau
Body language is the meaning behind the words or the “unspoken" language. Surprisingly, studies show that only up to an estimated 10 percent of our communication is verbal. The majority of the rest of communication is unspoken. This unspoken language isn’t rocket science. However, there are some generalizations or basic interpretations that can be applied to help with the understanding or translating of these unspoken meanings.
Here are some basics below but remember this is really only a short list.
Smile – People like warm smiles. Think of a heartfelt moment or maybe even your favorite pet, and smile.
Eyes - -If you don’t look someone in the eyes while speaking, this can be interpreted as dishonesty or hiding something or even as a lack of self confidence. Likewise, shifting eye movement or rapid changing of focus/direction can translate similarly to someone. Remember body language is unspoken and can be easily misread.
If more than one person is present in a group, look each person in the eye as you speak, slowly turning to face the next person and acknowledge him or her with eye contact as well. Continue on so that each person has felt your warm, trusting glance. Some suggest beginning with one person and moving clockwise around the group so that no one is missed, and so that you are not darting around, seemingly glaring at people.
Attention Span / Attitude – Other people can tell what type attitude you have by your attention span. If you quickly lose focus of the other person and what is being said, and if your attention span wanders, this shows through and makes you seem disinterested, bored, possibly even uncaring and self absorbed.
Attention Direction – If you sit or stand so that you are blocking another in the party, say someone is behind you, this can be interpreted as rude or thoughtless. So be sure to turn so that everyone is included in the conversation or angle of view, or turn gently, at ease and slowly, while talking, so that everyone is incorporated, recognized and involved in the conversation. Again some suggest the clockwise movement when working a group.
Arms Folded / Legs Crossed– This can be seen as defensive or an end to the conversation. So have arms hang freely or hold a glass of water, a business card or note taking instruments while communicating with others. Be open with open arms. Note: If you need to cross legs, cross at your ankles and not your knees. Sitting tightly folded up says that you are closed to communications and not feeling very comfortable.
Head Shaking – This is fairly accurate. If people are shaking their heads while you speak, they are in agreement. If they are shaking, “no," disagreement reigns in their minds.
Space / Distance – On the whole, people like their own personal body space. Give people room and keep out of their space. Entering to close can be intrusive and viewed as aggressive it is better to wait until you are “invited" into their personal space.
Leaning – Sitting or standing, leaning is viewed as interest. In other words, an interested listener leans toward the speaker but remembers to stay out of their “personal space".
Note others’ body language – While you are with others, note how their bodies read. If a person suddenly folds his arms across his chest and begins shaking his head “no," you’ve probably lost him or even offended them. You might want to try taking a step back and picking up where the conversation began this turn for the negative and regroup.
Touching – Now before you fellas get too excited, I am referring to an endearing touch not offensive. For a man it would be to gently place his hand on the small of her back to help guide her through a door or hall etc or something not threatening like that. For women it would be to maybe place your hand on his forearm while speaking to him or maybe to hook arms while walking together. I mentioned this at the end because you should be able to read his/her body language much better at this point and this section should only be used if the comfort level is proper.
It’s all about strategic planning and common sense!
About the Author -
Kristie Deveau is a contributing author at www.mychanginglife.com where more of her great dating and relationship advice can be found as well as information from other authors on diet, fitness, health, finances, home based business and much more.
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