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Yesterday, my daughter called me to tell me about the sudden death of a twenty year old fellow student. Oh what grief in the hearts of his parents. Oh how it must have felt like a sword ripping through their hearts. I was momentarily numb. I intellectualized about death for a fleeting second. I imagined and dealt with grief as love that has had its object and lost it.
My thoughts and prayers immediately went out to his parents. Parents never overcome the death of their child. I thought about the words of Psalm 39:9 I was dumb, I will not open my mouth. Death makes a parent dumb with silence. I was thinking about what to do and what to say to my daughter and to his parents whom I do not know. I was yet again reminded of the brevity of life and how we expect older people to die but the death of a young person still comes as a surprise.
I was thinking about what to do and what to say to other students on the campus, in the dorm, on the floor and to his roommate. What does one say, indeed? Although young people understand and internalize death in different ways the shock of death still affects them. Some of them have a faith to live by while others do not. Some of them have parents to turn to for solace while others do not even have a friend that they can share their feelings with and who will understand.
Death seems to be so final. You cannot bargain with death. You can only cooperate with death whether timely or untimely. I believe that death is not termination but mere separation. I also believe that life with a Savior leads to an endless hope. Life without a Savior is a hopeless end. Even believing this it is still difficult to deal with death. When my mom and dad died, I was stunned into silence. My mom died in my arms. What a contrast between life and death. What a contrast between breathing and not breathing.
No one can ever understand the grief of a parent over the death of a child, even if the child was wayward, difficult or hard to please. I know from my work with abused children that you become most attached to the child that was most troublesome. In death everything is made beautiful. Gone are the hard words that were said. Gone are the threats and the conflict. The deceased entertains no dialogue. You are subsequently left with your own "bubble" talk.
I pray that we will find ways to help others deal with death. I pray that we will dialogue with our young people about death because talking about death is as important as talking about sex, secrets and studies. I pray that we will co-create an epidemic of social support networks that can be a comfort as we grieve. I pray that we will have a vibrant faith because by the same faith that you live by, you will die by.
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