Did your heart just start beating faster? Even the term "sex" or "family life education" brings panic, fear, and increases the heartbeat and sweat glands in most adults. However, once the panic subsides, the debate over whether to have sex education in American schools or not - is done. A new poll finds that over 90% of Americans say sex education should be taught in schools.
According to the poll, the surveyed parents supported teaching 7 th and 8 th graders basic information on how babies are made, and 56 percent supported teaching all aspects of sex education, including birth control and safer sex in 7 th and 8 th grade, with a much higher percentage agreeing it should be taught in High School.
On the other hand, exactly who IS getting taught about sex? Unfortunately, the nationwide trend is that fewer young people are learning how to reduce the risk of getting a disease and preventing pregnancy. "The majority of school systems now focus on delaying sexual education as long as possible," said Barbara Huberman, the director of education for Advocates for Youth, a pro-education group in Washington, D.C. "While you may get an overview of contraception in the seventh or eighth grade, there are many, many school systems that are afraid to talk about it at all."
I am a School Nurse at a Middle School in a suburb of a large city. They teach about "abstinence" in a brief session. Then, on a daily basis, I get to deal with the student's choices and mistakes. I hear stories that make me want to cry. I hear parents frequently say, "my daughter/son would never do that", or "I don't think (insert child's name here) would ever have sex". The all seem horrified at the thought. But, what I see and hear on consistently (and remember, this is middle school) tells a different story. Just so you don't think my school is unusual, I read articles and stories from nurses all over the country that say the same thing.
I have girls coming to me fearing pregnancy (and some really are pregnant). Some of these same girls have had multiple partners (yes, they are only 12-14 years old and yes, some are a mandatory CPS/Law Enforcement call). Amazingly, these same girls will say statements like, "I know that you can get pregnant through oral sex, but I try to be careful". They ARE too young to be having sex, but it is happening - and not infrequently. We may have grown up in a different time, and want to believe it can't happen in our own home, but let me give you some hard statistics:
The average girl today begins to develop some characteristics of puberty between ages 10 and 11, with many showing some changes at ages eight or nine.
One in 12 students experience their first sexual intercourse before age 13, and a quarter of all children (24 percent of girls and 27 percent of boys) have had sex by age 15, and many believe these estimates to be low. Remember, these numbers do not include the "everything but intercourse" in them. Each year, one in four sexually active teens contracts a sexually transmitted disease. Genital herpes (which cannot be cured) has increased by almost 30% in young people in the last 9 years. There are over 900,000 teen pregnancies per year. When it comes to HIV, the largest increase in cases is seen in teenagers. These statistics are frightening.
Ideally, parents should give strong teaching to their kids about honesty, integrity, self-value, and abstinence for the first 10 to 12 years of life. If they did a really good job of this, and taught their children to make good decisions, we wouldn't be having this epidemic and being forced to have as many conversations with 14, 15 and 16 years old about what to do about an unplanned pregnancy or a STD.
Which leads to why this should be taught in the school parents would be the ideal choice to teach this to children. That would be assuming you have parents who are willing to do so. But, a majority of parents don't know how to talk to their kids about sex and sexually transmitted diseases. The other part of that equation is that many families today are very dysfunctional some parents abuse alcohol, drugs, work too many hours, have high stress or anxiety, or have various other reasons for not having the ability to talk with their children. That leaves the "job" of teaching kids about sex and STD's to the educational system.
Although this is an uncomfortable subject, it IS an important one. I am a strong believer in abstinence. If it were up to me, everyone would abstain until marriage. However, I am a realist as well. We cannot bury our heads in the sand and hope teen sex goes away. Teens are "doing it", getting pregnant, and catching diseases. They need education and support and we need to guide them. It is our job as educators and adults to keep them safe. Please start early talking to your kids and have a good relationship with them about everything. They are the most important "assets" you have. Also, talk to your school Administrators about how you can support the family life education and be involved. Let's try to put a dent in this sad epidemic.
Hi Gregory! Sometimes the things that are the hardest to talk about are the most important..... thanks for commenting! Have a great day..... Tracey : ) Respond to this comment
Excellent article and I know that you are right. I met a middle-school teacher in Trenton, NJ who told me that she was giving baby gifts to 12-year-olds and catching 10-year-olds having sex in the bathrooms!
When are the parents in this country going to wake up?
Hi Nancy! It is horrifying! But that doesn't make it any less true, sadly. I think that some parents mean well, but just are embarrassed to talk about it. You are right, they need to wake up. As for the others, it goes back to one of my other articles about parenting. They need to start thinking about their kids, and what is happening to them. Thanks for the comment! Tracey Respond to this comment
I have heard that the British goverment has propsed sex education for all ages. Starting at 5 with basics on love and relationships - not graphic detail. Then at about ten how babies are made. Followed by 13-15 about the more graphic details and biology of it.
I belive strogly in what I have said above. Although many children learn about "the birds and the bees" far earlier than we would like to think. From older friends.
Hi Connor! I think a lot of the fear people have is that if you teach kids about sex, it may increase the amount of sex they are having. The opposite is true. They have done studies and found that it does NOT increase the amount of sexual relations, it decreases it; and when it does occur, it is done more responsibly. And, sex aside, I think teaching our kids aboutlove and respectabove all is key. Maybe if they learned that, they would wait longer and make better decisions. Thanks for writing. Tracey Respond to this comment
Just this week I did a two hour interview with the Regional Superintendent of Schools in our community.
We talked about many things, among them sex ed in the school system. In Illinois teaching abstinence in school is the law, and the teachers do have to address it.
However, this superintendent stressed the same point you do here, children need to be getting their guidance in this area from the parents. In addition she added that it is not all that sucessful in preventing teen pregnancy.
She also said that over the years the number of things that has been thrown onto the teachers is just crazy. Parents are not taking responsibility for teaching morals, manners, social skills, or anything else, and it is a sad fact.
I also want to say though that it is not because the parent are lacking in care or concern for their children, I don't believe that is the case most of the time.
Parents are busy, they are working to provide, and they are stressed to the max in these tough times.
I feel sorry for them, the teachers, but most of all I feel sorry for the children.
Thanks for writing this piece, I hope many will read it.
Hi Nila! It sounds like this article was very timely for what is going on with you... I can see both sides as far as feeling bad for stressed out parents, and too much wor for the teachers. The economy, how busy life is, morals, job, and family - does put such a strain on parents. However, we need to prioritize. We need to cut out some of that busy, busy life. Many times (not always), we put it upon ourselves. We buy too much and owe too much. Then we have to work too much. We leave our kids home alone too much. Then they do what they are doing, and it is not good. As far as the teachers, they do have way too much on their plates already. And, they certainly don't get paid enough to have to be a parent too. But, we cannot abandon our kids. You are right, the kids are the ones to really feel sorry for. The are suffering through all this. They need love and attention, not just a roof over their heads, "stuff", or empty sex to fill a void. Sad. Thank you so much for writing. Tracey : ) Respond to this comment
A very thought provoking and valuable article. Yes this is the smae problem everywhere, in every countries and every community. We need to work hard to portect our young people from falling apart in immorality. It is so very important to teach children from childhood to make a right choice. calling Axe "an axe" is so very vital.
Unfortunately the moral standard is going down and lives are spoilt.
Hi Swapna! I agree, it is a problem everywhere. Unfortunately, we have the dubious honor of having the highest teen pregnancy, abortion, and birth rates in the industrialized world. So, the fact is, it is bad everywhere - but it is the worst here in the United States. The declining moral values are happening all over. We just need to work at it home by home, school by school, student by student. Start teaching values and morals while children are young at home. But, as a back-up, since this isn't being done regularly, teach them at school as well - along with family life. Thanks for writing. Tracey Respond to this comment
The epidemic seems to be getting worse and I think the schools are doing what they think is right to try to stem the tide. It is okay to teach the basics of human reproduction, but how about also teaching morals and decent behaviour. Instead they teach contraception and how to be more careful. This gives the student the impression that premaritial sex is quite okay, they just have to be careful.
And maybe the parents should be taking some classes which will better prepare them in talking with their children.
Hi David! I agree totally with you that parents ought to be taught. However, when given the opportunity to learn, the only ones that show up are the ones that already are willing to talk to their kids. The others make excuses (too busy, too awkward, too risky, too this or that). As I said in the article, we have many dysfunctional families that are unable to handle the task (sometimes it is for valid reasons like losing a job or family member and being forced out of the home, or being forced into working two jobs). The reality is, parents aren't taking care of this uncomfortable subject. To top it off, many kids are left alone for many, many hours to be left to their own devices - and you know what that leads to. Again, if it were up to me, I would push the idea of abstinence as far as I could and why it is important. But, they also must know about the other side so if they got into a bad situation, they have the information needed. I just feel if parents are unable to give them this information for any reason, the next best thing is for the public school system. Thanks for your thoughts. Have a great week! Tracey : ) Respond to this comment
I'm 15 and we have had a Sex Ed talk every year for 6 years. The school even hands out free condoms. I don't know if it is diffrent over there but here in Britain they arent really bothered about wanting their kids knowing about sex because it gets drilled into us so much at school. Even though almost all my classmates are 15 most of them are having sex even after the millios of SE classes. I dont know why but ususally they are the PPs. There is a girl who is in my year and she has a 3-year-old son and is pregnant. It's knida scary...
Hi Eleanor! I am so glad you wrote.... I like to hear the perspective from a teen and from a different country! That is very interesting but scary how young people are doing the same thing over there that they are here. Do they also talk about abstinence and morals as part of the talk? I think that should be the key part of the talk because waiting until you are older, in a long term (ideally married, but at least really committed relationship) would be the best way to have a sexual relationship. Otherwise, there are a number of things that happen: first - people just feel empty, sad and alone afterwards because they just gave something intimate to someone, then ended up not staying with that person. Second - the "numbers" can add up quickly and you can be thought of as "easy" or other words I am sure you have heard. Third - there are so many diseases that you can catch, as I am sure you read in my article. Many do NOT have a cure, such as herpes and HIV. For many guys, they don't have symptoms, so they don't even know they have a disease, so they could spread it around without even meaning to. Fourth - you will, I promise, feel better about yourself if you wait until you have found somebody REALLY special to have that relationship with. Anyways, I don't know your status, but if you haven't had sex yet, think about these things. If you have, then you can start over. And talk to your friends about doing the same. Thanks so much for writing! Tracey : ) Respond to this comment
Our school isn't religous and believes that we should make our own choices in life. We once had two people come talk to us about waiting until you are maried but apart from that there wasn't much. The school how bad our area is so they aren't surprised when three or four girls from each year get pregnant evey year. We live in a pretty deprived area but the school tries it's best to accomidate our needs. We also have free sexual health clinic and stuff like that.
Hi again Eleanor! You know, it isn't even about religion. It is about morals and doing the right thing. Also, about making good decisions that will, in the long run, make you a better person. Whether your school is rich, poor, or in between, they have the obligation to teach their students about math, grammar, geography, and life skills. I just happen to believe that morals are part of life skills. But, I also believe that parents (or whoever is raising you) need to step it up a bit and talk about life and beliefs. If we all just "do our own thing", we end up not being the best we can be. I promise you, this is from somebody that has a lifetime of experience and has watched many people. I wish you all the best. I think it is amazing that you are writing. You are beautiful and interesting. Keep it up!!! Tracey : ) Respond to this comment
In my day few girls had underage sex........yet, there was little to no sex education at home or in school.
So why no sex?
We never saw sex on TV (it was only hinted at) we never saw nudity on TV (it was only hinted at) and we never saw it in every advert, sitcom, newspaper either.
We barely knew what sex was!
It was very widely known sex under age 16 was illegal and girls with bf's invariably waited until their 16th to have sex, but that law kept most kids under control.
There is no respect for the law anymore and we see sex everywhere.
Due to sex now being everywhere we should I believe talk in child friendly terms about issues as soon as they become relevant to the child which is actually very early. Siblings under 5 may get together an explore each other and so there is a 'conversation' that needs to take place. Children younger than this masturbate..another conversation and so on.
I am not going to detail how these conversations should take place as everyone will have their own agenda in these matters but a conversation of some description should take place.
Great response, I couldn't agree more. When I was young, it was the same thing. Sex was whispered about occasionally, but not really talked about. When the rare occasion occured that a girl got pregnant, she literally left town to have the baby - it was not celebrated. It was not on TV or in the movies. It was not a daily or hourly event. The celebrities did not talk about it like it was not only okay, but a great thing to have sex outside of marriage, but the younger - the better. I just think it shows an emptiness in our society - along with the drinking, drugs, etc. We do need to talk to our kids early, not just about sex, but about morals. Thanks so much for writing. Tracey Respond to this comment
A topic that is sure to draw the pro and cons like all hot topics today. Now teen sex has been going on for eons. Abstinence ok but as an ex youth minister I can tell you a hard sell when you have adults saying "I did not have sex with that woman" and basically approving of everything but intercourse and many doing the opposiote of what they preach. The fear is gone both religiously and socially therefore anything goes. Sadly, it is a chocie and you betetr hope you teach your children values and morality becuase frankly they will not get those two in society.
Hi Robert! Yes, morals have certainly gone by the wayside.... not quickly, but more and more over the years. We accept more because we see so much from movies and media and we become accustomed to it. It is a hard sell, but it doesn't mean we don't keep trying to do the right thing. There are so many people that have strong values, but just feel "tired" or "pointless in trying". Our children are worth every effort. And each one we save is worth it. I am so glad that I taught my daughter the values and morals that I taught her. It was worth the extra effort and time. I am proud of her today. Thanks for your comments. Tracey : )
I just hope that more is done, and that our children are talked to earlier - especially at home! Thanks so much for commenting. Have a great week. Tracey Respond to this comment
very well written. It is so important for Sex Ed to start at home, the problem is, some parents don't see anything wrong with their young children "exlporing" their sexuality. So we have children having sex who are not even fully developed.
I hate when people say that teaching abstinence is a waste of time because it doesn't work. I believe it does and know for a fact that it does. When we taught our kids about waiting til marriage, we incorporated physical, emotional, spiritual, and realistic reasons why they should wait. My daughter remains a virgin at 20, my son made a mistake at 17 and learned that we were right. It ruined his relationship with his girlfriend. It was a difficult time for the two of them. They were going out for a year, when the peer pressure and curiosity got to them. She was raised with the same values. My son said he learned and will not go there again until marriage. When we help our children develop boundaries their conscience wins over. It's too bad that the biggest concern is pregnancy. It should be disease and conscience. Teens are not given enough education when it comes to the emotional scars having sex too young and before marriage can bring. Excellent article. This topic should not be ignored or taken lightly. There are many reasons God wants us to wait for marriage. The biggest being our well-being. The biggest thing is that we were open and honest and did not expect them to be perfect and told them we were always here for them. And I don't believe in making it easy for my kids by giving them birth-control. They have access to that stuff. To me this would be like getting them a room for the night. We took alot of heat from liberal parents for this.
Hi Teresa! So true! Abstinence is the best way, however, we are all human. Mistakes are made, and we have to have a close enough relationship with our kids to be able to talk with them about it. It certainly is not our job to judge. We are here to guide, support, and love unconditionally. It sounds like your kids know that. That is worth so much more than anything else you could give them. For those parents that are afraid to talk to their kids, there are support groups that will help you. Thanks again for commenting Teresa! Tracey Respond to this comment
I definitely agree...This is really a topic that parents need to start teaching their children and before others give them false information. Kids find out about sex and start fooling around with it really early. It is important that they know the FACTS and not just what an older teen told them.
Of course, this isn't really a new problem. My grandma and grandpa ended up with my mom by time they were 17 because they thought you got pregnant from kissing. They did everything but kiss and ended up with a baby because they didn't know the facts!
Talk to your children! Support sex education! Our children really need it and if they know the facts then they are more likely to abstain and more likely to practice safe sex.
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