It was a marriage of convenience. They were trying to deport this giant mutant euglena which I happened to know from a troup of improv vampire performers at the goth club Fangeely's.
A euglena is a single-celled freshwater organism marked by the presence of chlorophyll, a reddish eyespot, and one anterior flagellum. But that's not why I married it.
You see, this euglena, who I shall refer to as Gremamine, was in danger of being deported. Most euglenas move around freely without hassle because they are so small, but Gremamine was doused with radio-active Miracle Grow and ended up about 5 foot three inches, not counting the whip.
Ah, the memories. Rolling in the swimming pool, the bath tub, and the Jacuzzi and limited only by our imaginations and the chlorine levels.
Then it happened. I came home early from work and found Gremamine flogging a venus fly trap with its flagellum! The shock...the heartbreak...
The fly trap's maw undulated as it hissed, "More! More!" in tones not audible to the human ear. Waves of invisible plasma emanated outward from the two plant lovers, filling the room with a ripe vegetable smell.
I ran. Ran as fast as I could and never looked back.
Now I've settled into a small bungalow and share the rent & utilities with a couple of small palm trees. I rarely go out.
-- by Bill Ectric
Bill Ectric’s two books, Time Adjusters and Space Savers, contain short stories that blend the genres of mystery, humor, horror, science fiction, satire, and psychological drama.
On the web, Bill’s work has appeared on SearchWarp, Literary Kicks, Dogmatika, MysteryIsland, Syntax of Things, Empty Mirror Books, Lit Up Magazine, and Zygote In My Coffee.
He lives with his wife in Jacksonville, Florida. By day, when not writing, Bill mows the lawn and complains about the heat. By night, he sneaks around in the back yard, convinced that the garden gnomes are “up to something.”
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