It's that special day of the year when we can all enjoy some Irishness - St. Patrick's Day.
To celebrate this special day, I'll be having an Irish themed dinner, with some delicious colcannon washed down with a pint o' the black stuff - Guinness.
As well as the traditional leprechauns, giant hats, Four-leaf clovers etc, Ireland is also well known for its sense of humour - it has produced some great comedians (such as Dara O'Briain and Ed Byrne), and some great comedy series (such as Father Ted).
As well as making jokes, Ireland and the Irish have also found themselves the butt of many - "Irish Jokes" are common in Britain.
In many of these, "Irishman" is used to refer to a stupid person (I think most countries have an equivalent, where they unfairly pick on another country in this way), so the jokes aren't really Irish at all - they are really just "stupid jokes" rather than "Irish jokes".
Here's some jokes with at least a little o' the Irish in 'em:
What was the name of the Irish woman who invented plastic chairs and tables for use outside?
Patty O'Furniture
What was the name of the Irish man who, having enjoyed a little too much Guinness, bounces off all the walls on their way home from the pub?
Rick O'Shea
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities' brains were for sale for transplant purposes.
An Irishman's or a Scotsman's brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman's brain cost £10,000.
'That proves,' said The Englishman, 'that Englishmen are much cleverer than Irishmen or Scotsmen.'
'No it doesn't,' said The Irishman, 'it just means that an Englishman's brain has never been used!'
An Irish priest is sitting in a confessional booth waiting for people to come in. Finally, a drunk man stumbles in, on the other side of the wall. The priest can clearly smell the liquor on his breath. The man is silent for a long time. The priest is wondering if he is contemplating his sins or not. Finally, the drunk man says, "Hey, do you have any toilet paper on your side?"
Which Irish woman invented Nintendo's most well-known duo?
Mary O'Brothers
A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, 'Ma' am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Cork came in and named them.'
The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!' She asks the doctor, 'Well, what's the girl's name?' Denise.'
'Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?'
'Denephew.'
Happy St. Paddy's Day everyone!
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