"I really wish I could be with you right now, I hate that I can only text you and talk with you on the phone. It's been way too long since we have seen each other." "I know, we will be together soon, I promise."
I confess – I am a married woman having an affair with a married man – my husband.
Okay, I admit, the title is a bit deceiving, but it did get your attention. Besides if you stick around and read the rest you will understand what I mean and perhaps be encouraged to spark a love affair of your own – with your spouse, of course.
Before we ended our phone call, I told my husband that I felt like we were having an affair. Knowing me well, he understood completely. He has been working out of state for the past 6 months and has only been home two times – three weeks each time. I steal away a few minutes at work to send him a text; I call at a time when no one is around so I can share my heart. It's been difficult and exciting at the same time.
Just the other day, he mentioned how nice it was to talk with me for hours on the phone and we remembered how much time we used to do that when we were dating. We realized how much we have allowed the TV to get in our way of staying up talking for hours. It's not like we were zombies on the couch all night. We had dinner together and always talked about our day, but as soon as our favorite show came on, conversation was over.
We had a strong marriage before he left, and despite his being away, we continue to grow stronger.
Last night I started thinking about all of the couples we have known over the years that have gotten divorced as a direct result of an affair. In women's groups, we talk about what the leading causes of affairs are. The number one reason was the thrill of something new and exciting. Those feelings of butterflies and let's face it, lust. The real issue, however, is what leads up to the affair. Again, the answer is something new and exciting.
My husband pointed out once, that he was surprised about how nice some of these women look after divorce. When they were married, they never worried much about how they looked – no nice clothing, no make-up and hair in a twisty-bun – all the time. In talking with some of these same women the response was, they were comfortable in their marriage and didn't feel the need to look nice for their husbands. Not that we can't be comfy in our own home, heaven knows, I have my days of twisty-buns, sweats, and green gobley-gook all over my face, but never -- how sad is that?
Without thinking, I said man, seems like the best way to keep a marriage alive is to have an affair with your spouse. So, all this rambling to say – if you are in a slump, take the first step, don't wait for your spouse. Take him/her by surprise and begin a love affair.
Here are a few ideas that have worked in our relationship over the years.
1) Write a love letter
2) Set up a surprise date
3) Hide mushy cards in their car
4) Send flowers when you haven't been fighting
5) Send text messages to their phone
6) Play cards
7) Go for long walks
8) Do whatever it was you did that got them interested in you in the first place
9) Start your day by telling them why you love them
10) Put on some romantic music, dance in the kitchen – and dare I say – lust after your spouse.
Obviously there are a lot of other serious issues that can lead to an extra-marital affair. Nevertheless, these are some things that can keep a marriage alive and exciting. Come to think of it, the fact that we call it an extra-marital affair, implies that marriage is supposed to be an affair of its own.
Like I said in the beginning, I am having an affair; and I am loving every minute of it. Give it a try, it will do your marriage some good.
© Teresa Ortiz
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