Norm:
Could you tell our readers something about yourself, your educational background and writing experience? I understand you have authored 3 other books?
Helen:
Yes, I have written four books: THE SEX CONTRACT: The Evolution of Human Behavior ANATOMY OF LOVE: The Natural History of Monogamy, Adultery and Divorce THE FIRST SEX: The Natural Talents of Women and How They are Changing the World and WHY WE LOVE: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.
I never intended to be a writer. But I was always an anthropologist. As a child I grew up in a glass- house in a small town in Connecticut. And I used to sneak into the woods, sit on a stone- wall and watch my neighbours eat dinner in their glasshouse. When I got older, I used to be so transfixed by people in the street that a friend of mine used to wave his hand over my eyes and chant: Earth to Helen earth to Helen. And I remember the moment a friend of mine in college told me there was a science for people like me: anthropology. I am an identical twin so I am particularly interested in human nature--why people are all alike, rather than why they are different. In short, I am more interested in those traits that evolved through evolution than those that are molded by one's childhood.
Norm:
What motivated you to write a book pertaining to romantic love, and what is your definition of romantic love? How does it differ from other kinds of love?
Helen:
Romantic love is one of the most powerful forces on earth. People live for love, kill for love, and die for love. I wanted to know what this euphoria was all about.
In fact, I had come to think that romantic love is one of three basic brain circuits that humanity evolved for mating and reproduction: the sex drive, the craving for sexual gratification, evolved to get you out there looking for just about anyone. Romantic love, the elation and obsessive thinking that happens when you first fall in love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual, thereby conserving courtship time and energy. And attachment, that feeling of calm and security you can feel with a long term partner, evolved to enable you to tolerate this individual at least long enough to rear a child together.
So romantic love is associated with a distinct set of feelings and a specific brain network.
The first thing that happens when you fall in love is that your beloved begins to take on special meaning. As a man once said, The world had a new center and that center was Suzanne. Then you begin to focus all your attention on this special person. You can remember tiny things he or she said or did--and you dote on the things that you adore. You feel tremendous euphoria when things are going well and terrible despair when things go wrong--real mood swings. You have a huge amount of energy, too, so much that is it often hard to sleep. But most important: you obsessively think about him or her. And you yearn, indeed crave, to win emotional union with this sweetheart. Sure, most people would like to go to bed with a beloved and they can get very jealous if they think this person is with another. But even more important than making love, they want this person to return their affection, to respond, to call, to write e-mails, to go out with them--and reciprocate their passion.
Norm:
How long did it take you to write your book and what did you wish to accomplish by writing the book?
Helen:
It took me about 8 years in all, from the moment I thought up the idea to the publication date. All my books take a long time to write. They all have new ideas that take a long time to research.
What did I want to accomplish? Well: several things. Most important to me, I wanted to know the answers to my questions. What are the characteristics of romantic love? What is its chemistry? Why did it evolve? Do other animals exhibit signs of romantic love? Where is love going in our chaotic world? Why do we choose one person rather than another? Why do we get so angry and depressed when we are dumped? What is love at first sight? I had dozens of questions I wanted to know the answers to. And as I wrote the book, I began to realize that I might be able to help people with what I was learning. Long ago I had wanted to be a social worker (before becoming an anthropologist), so part of me wants of be useful, to make a contribution to others and society at large.
Norm:
Why do you believe that romantic love is a universal human feeling that produces specific chemicals and networks in the brain, and what are these chemicals and networks? How do they work?
Helen:
I think romantic love is universal because I, and others have found evidence of it in over 150 societies. For example, I have read poems from ancient Summeria (some 4,000 years ago) that show the same signs of romance that modern poetry does. Everywhere in the world people have love songs, love poems, love magic, sculptures, paintings, operas, novels, myths and legends about love. They also commit suicide and homicide and fall into clinical depression when they are rejected in love.
When I began the experiment to find out the chemistry of romantic love, I had two hypotheses. I thought that the brain's natural stimulants, dopamine and norepinephrine, were probably involved--largely because these chemicals tend to cause feelings of elation, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, focussed attention and driving motivation to win a reward-some of the main characteristics of romantic love. I also thought low levels of serotonin might be involved, because low levels of this neurotransmitter tend to cause obsessive, intrusive thinking. And obsessive thinking is a core component of romantic love.
As it turns out, I and my teammates Dr. Lucy Brown (Albert Einstein College of Medicine) and Dr. Arthur Aron (SUNY Stony Brook) discovered that dopamine, a powerful stimulant in the brain, is central to the feeling of romantic love. I suspect that we will someday discover that high levels of norepi-nephrine and low levels of serotonin are also involved.
Norm:
Why do you think people need to read your book, and has there been any other books on the topic of romantic love?
Helen:
Hummmm, I am generally a modest person. But perhaps people should read my book because it explains an awful lot about romantic love that has never been explained before. And yes, there have been many books on romantic love and the reader can find many of these in my bibliography.
Norm:
Do you believe in love at first sight? Do you believe in fate when it comes to meeting your future spouse?
Helen:
I think love at first sight comes out of nature. All animals are choosy none will copulate with anybody. They have favourites. And when they see an individual they wish to mate with the attraction is often instantaneous. This is adaptive. Most animals have a mating season they need to initiate the mating process quickly. I think human love at first sight is an inherited instinct to feel instant attraction when one finds someone who fits within one's ideal concept of a partner.
Fate? Well, there are many forces that play a role in which we fall in love with. Timing is important you tend to fall in love when you are ready, particularly when you are lonely. Proximity is often crucial we fall for people who we interact with. Individuals they regard as mysterious excite both men and women. And most fall in love with someone of the same ethnic, social, religious, educational and economic background and with a similar amount of physical attractiveness, a comparable intelligence and parallel attitudes, expectations, values and interests. We gravitate to people like ourselves.
But most important is your love map. We grow up in a sea of experiences that sculpt our romantic choices. Our mother's sense of humour our father's interest in politics and music how those around us view honour, justice, loyalty and politeness: thousands of subtle forces build our individual interests, values and beliefs. So by the teenage years, each of us has constructed an unconscious catalogue of aptitudes and mannerisms we are looking for in a mate. Then when we meet someone who fits within this love map and they begin to flirt, the interaction may trigger the brain chemistry of romance and we fall head over heels in love.
Norm:
Do you believe in romantic getaways in order to rekindle a couple's relationship, and if so, why?
Helen:
Definitely. Novelty drives up levels of dopamine in the brain. And this chemical is associated with feelings of romantic love.
Norm:
Why do people fall out of love?
Helen:
The elation of romantic love was not designed to last forever. This brain system evolved to drive our ancestors to focus their attention on specific mating partners, thereby conserving mating time and energy, as well as enabling them to form an exclusive pair bond at least until they have conceived a child. The human brain appears to be designed to move into a calmer state (of deep attachment) after a few months or years to enable couples to raise their baby as a team. In fact, we would all suffer from sexual exhaustion (and probably social chaos) if the human brain had evolved to be able to sustain the passion and drama of romantic love indefinitely.
Norm:
Do men have the same romantic love feelings as women?
Helen:
Yes. Men fall in love faster than women do because they are so visual. And three out of four people who kill themselves after being rejected in love are men.
Norm:
What is up next for Dr. Helen Fisher, and how do you want to be remembered?
Helen:
These are hard questions, Norm! Well, I have five book ideas at the moment my question to myself is which I should do first.
What do I want to be remembered for? Well, my father, whom I adored, always used to say Be useful as well as ornamental. So I would like to be useful. Perhaps the single finest moment of my career was an afternoon years ago when I got a letter from someone who wrote, Dear Dr. Fisher, thank you for writing your recent book. It did for me what 25 years of therapy could not do. It explained to me why I do the things I do.
Thanks once again Dr. Fisher and all the best in the future.
