Don't let your jaw drop to the floor when I tell you I haven't always been a pastor's wife nor led a Christian lifestyle in any manner. My previous vocation before this, doing books and taxes was drinking, using methamphetamines, lying and stealing. I even served twelve days in the county jail. Praise God that on November 11, 2008 I celebrated nine years clean and sober.
Alcoholism and addiction does not discriminate! It doesn't care where you come from, what the color of your skin is, your religion or gender. If you are anything like me it is just better to abstain from anything that alters your mood.
I started drinking, which led to other things, when I was fourteen. I already had screwed up thinking so when I added the alcohol it was on. I suddenly became outgoing with my peers, attractive, funny and everything I thought I wasn't before I took that first drink. I had arrived didn't you know? Many years after it was to late all those things I felt than, I felt again and the alcohol no longer worked.
I have heard many people comment that they are or were "functional alcoholics," I have to wonder what that is. For awhile I still had the relationship, house, car, job and kids, yet it wasn't long after that before I gave them all up for my Captain Morgan and whatever else I could get my hands on. I wonder what they are thinking. Okay, so maybe they still have all the stuff but how are their relationships with God and others? Do they come home from work and hide while they drink? I would assume that many can't wait for everyone to go to bed so they could pull out a bottle of their best friend and have a little drink to take the edge off.
If you're an alcoholic like I am than you already know that we can find any excuse to take that drink. Our disease tells us that it is okay and we deserve it. This is just the tip of the ice burg of how alcoholism can be cunning, baffling and powerful.
I attend meetings that remind me of who I am. The literature also tells me how cunning, baffling and powerful the disease is. It tells me that "drinking was but a symptom." My real problem was a spiritual malady. Malady meaning disease! Dis-ease. I was at dis-ease with God, myself and others. I was delusional and thought that if everyone would just do things my way than there would be no problems. Guess what? Today I am grateful that everyone doesn't do things my way. If that were the case, we would all be screwed up.
Today I choose to call God my higher power. He is capable and I am not. I will never believe that I am cured. Recovered from a seemingly hopeless disease I do believe. It depends upon my spiritual maintenance and can only be lived one day at a time.
The twelve steps and traditions are like food for me. I must use them everyday and keep them in a toolbox close by. I have also used the suggestion to listen to clergy and other religion practices. I am glad I did or I wouldn't be as blessed as I am today.
In case you're wondering what life was like before sobriety, check out Mark Parsec's article, "My Wife Of Crime." It will give you a little insight on some of the more stupid things I did and what I learned from them. It is an older article if you decide to read it so look back to article published a couple of years ago.
Thank God they let me into A.A. and that the only requirement for membership was a desire to stop drinking!
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