My mother, Mama, worried that I might fall under some wrong influences of religion. To her, religion was different from Christian faith. To her, religion had to do with denominational conflicts, rigid traditions, legalism, and pretense or judgmental ways.
Mama went to church every Sunday and took me with her. She was active in the Women's missionary group, and did much for others in need, for whom she cooked meals and did other unnoticed things. I think she liked it that way.
She was glad when I was baptized at age 12.
My profession of faith in Christ was sincere, for I was drawn to the goodness of God. I was drawn to the high ideals of the church.
Mama was one of the most highly moral and ethical people I ever knew. Looking back, I see it even more clearly. She did not talk about that, but lived it. Mama did not gamble, drink alcoholic drinks, or smoke; yet I never heard her judge anyone that did. My dad was the same, and also did not want me to take part in social dancing. She told him she just could not back down on the matter, that dancing would be a big part of social life in our very small town. "Social" to Mama meant something like "being with nice people," and nothing more. She never aspired for me to become a debutante or a queen of anything.
I began to take piano, tap, and ballet lessons when I was eight years old. A few years later, all the mothers of the boys and girls I knew as close friends met to discuss hiring the dance teacher in town to teach us "social" dancing. We were thoroughly chaperoned and had no idea, or at least Mama and I didn't, that dancing was anything but something that built confidence in public, was fun, and good exercise.
In my teen years, I thought I might become a missionary. I wanted to
teach, and I wanted to see far away places. Most of all, I did not want to miss any call of God upon my life. Mama never disapproved, and
I doubt that she knew exactly what troubled her. I only know that at
one time she hinted that she wondered if "religion" might take the life
out of me. When I announced that I no longer danced, it troubled her.
I felt more troubled by the lifelessness I saw in religion classes in college. My prayer life dried up, and I studied harder, trying to discover why so little moved me, anymore, about God. I began to drift from the simple faith my parents had lived and our church had taught. I also seemed to run into more than my share of legalistic Christians.
As those patterns took precedence, as my dad's business faltered during those years, I began to dry up too, losing confidence and faith. Mama worried about that. I kept almost everything to myself, so it was hard for her to help me. At one time I said, "Please don't talk to me about anything to do with religion." I did not know, anymore, how to say the name of Jesus familiarly.
Some of these things enter my mind now, when I hear people discussing religion and church. After college and as a new wife, I searched for God. He seemed elusive. I wrote home once that I wished churches worshiped Him instead of talking and critiquing.I remember that only because Mama saved the letter and reminded me of my longing.
Churches have a fair share of Pharisees.
And the day is coming when all secular and religious institutions will cease. The hierarchies, buildings, programs, services, and such will end; only heaven will remain. Who will be in heaven?
I guess that every church on earth has some fake people inside, marked by pride. Jesus spoke of a Pharisee and a publican. He said that the Pharisee "stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortionists, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess"(Luke 18: 9-11).
Jesus said that "the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner."
Then Jesus said, "I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted" (Luke 18: 13-14).
These are some of the principles of faith that Mama lived and taught. I somehow "lost faith," yet later believed, by the grace of God. In some of my darkest hours, Mama cautiously tried to talk with me about my soul, but I stopped her. So she looked me in the eye and said softly and seriously: "I just want to be sure that when I get to heaven I will see you there too, one day."
Unknown to her then, I was trying to find God, not theology or knowing rote religious phrases. While my yearning for God
remained, my hope of finding Him dimmed.
Then, at the lowest part
of my life, God broke through to me by His own words. He comforted the
soul I had neglected, and I began to know and trust Him. What an
exchange, for someone who has nothing to offer God, to receive
everything of importance from Him, through His Son! It took some time before I stopped looking in other places, too.
Since then, I have
worshiped in churches in different parts of the world. God is
everywhere in churches above and below ground, in churches of great
wealth and pomp and those of severe poverty. Jesus is alive and real in
many hearts around this world, and that is what my mother hoped I would one day know. For
myself.
Mama was the first person I wanted to tell. More than a year after Mama's effort to talk seriously to me about God, I rushed to tell her that I finally understood. I was exuberant about Jesus, whom I had come to love and was learning to trust. Her prayers had been answered, so no wonder she beamed. We had 15 years of shared faith after that.
There could be no better day of celebration than that coming day, when Jesus welcomes His own who remain on this earth, into heaven. That is where we "cast all crowns" at His feet. Whatever we are that is good, He put it into us, He formed us. I wonder if it makes sense to say that I consider myself, in Christ, to be one of the stars in my mother's crowns: she guarded my life in her womb, though I came as a very late surprise; she gave birth to me and protected me. She watched over my every need, and never stopped praying for me. She loved me no matter what!
In her Bible, I found only one verse underlined. I almost
missed it, after she died, for it was underlined faintly in pencil:
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength
is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
God is love. I thank God for my mother and father. .
"Fear not, for I am with thee. Be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right arm of my righteousness" (Isaiah 41: 10).
If you long to know if God is real, you are even now in the care of the Beloved. By faith I know that my mother and I will see each other again, because Jesus overcame death for us. Death is no victor. Christ overcame death, and made an open door into eternity with God for all who believe in the Father through Him. He sends the Holy Spirit to teach, guide, and comfort us. I am like Mama in at least one way: like her, I desire that everyone will know Jesus and have eternal life in Him. Do you?
Jean Purcell is a book publisher and writer. Her first book was Not All Roads Lead Home under her pen name, Jane Bullard. Her web site is http://www.opinebooks.com and her Writing and Publishing Nonfiction Books blog is at http://janebullard.blogspot.com/ Sign up for the free Opinari Quarterly for Christian Writers, Publishing Professionals, Book Lovers, and Reviewers on her web site.
Dear Ken, You are very kind. Your comment would please my mother, and I appreciate it very much, too. All glory to God, and His blessings be upon you continually. ~Jane Respond to this comment
» left by Suzy(903) Suzy from Midwest-USA (182 days 2 hours ago.)
Jane, such a beautiful testimony and witness you are for the love of Jesus. I echo, Ken as well. Blessings to you in an everlasting journey. Suzy
if not for Jesus and God, especially, i would never have made it through these past 2 years. i will be forever grateful. i was never alone, although at times i was surrounded by no one. it got me through, and will continue to.
Hi Sue, Your testimony of the present nearness of God through His Son is at the core of faith. And thank God that in your darkest times you had that comfort and assurance of that reality. I hope the new days you have now may brighten more and more inwardly and outwardly. I appreciate you and your writing. ~ Jane
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