I remember in the mid 70s going to a company meeting where then Arkansas Head Football Coach Lou Holtz was the guest speaker. Holtz, who went on to fame at Notre Dame gave a really great presentation. It was lessons on life mixed with very funny anecdotes of his days in college football.
One thing that always stuck with me was his saying he made a list as a young man of 100 things he wanted to do in his life. Proudly he said he had done almost all of them including taking off in a jet from an aircraft carrier.
Personally I wouldn't mind that one. But since it probably would be a good idea to also include landing in that same jet back on the aircraft carrier, I passed on adding that idea to my own list.
I made my own list back then and to be honest I have no idea where it is.
I like to think I accomplished many things I had written down but can think of several I never did.
One I never got to scratch off was to become wealthy by the age of 40. It looks like that one won't ever happen. My wife bought me a T-shirt recently that says, "I started out with nothing and still have most of it left". I imagine she also was hoping I would make that one wish on the list come true too.
One of the things on my list that I will shortly be able to scratch off is to act in a play. Now I won't actually be in a play but I will have to act. Let me explain.
I walked in to the local genealogy and historical office the other day to find out where I could find a person who spends a lot of time there. When I walked in, two of the ladies said, "Mike, you would be perfect." Nodding in agreement that I "would" be perfect if I wasn't already me, I asked what they were talking about.
It seems there is going to be another cemetery walk in one of our century-plus, old cemeteries. In case you never heard of a cemetery walk I'll explain.
People, dress up in costume by a certain grave and groups who pay five bucks a person come by and the actor tells the story of the local famous person buried at that spot. It is educational and makes a few dollars for the historical societies who put on the walks.
It seems that the actor they had recently broke his hip very badly and they were scrambling at the historical society to find a replacement when I walked in the door.
Not being one to turn down helping I said. "Sure, what dead guy do I get to play?"
Well I got the part of a wealthy banker who was robbed 130 years ago of the old coal mine's payroll. He was bonked over the head and although he came back to consciousness, he died a few months later, no doubt from a slow bleed in his brain.
Looking at the five minute soliloquy I asked if I had some leeway in the presentation as I didn't see any hit over the head' jokes. I was told yes, but I had to correctly give the dates and names of the people involved in the script. Yep, now my nervousness over my dyslexia kicked in.
I often speak before groups. Anywhere from fifteen minutes to forty-five and rarely do I look at my notes. The only time I do is when I want to get a name right since that's where my mind spins and goes kaflooey and I can't remember names correctly.
The script I got has fifteen names in it and this should be something to see. I can see me struggling big time with the names and then resorting to jokes about ghosts or something else which will have walkers scratching their heads as to what the heck is this guy doing.
I have thought of scratching all the names on someone else's gravestone nearby but that could mess up future researchers at the old cemetery. They might look at the headstone with more than a dozen names and fear it's some kind of mass grave.
I could write them on my hand but that will look bush league so I'm not sure what I will do.
To top it off, I did some more research on my character and he is considered the number one ghost who haunts that cemetery. Great, if I butcher this oration, I might have a ghost haunt me to my doom.
Well, at least I can scratch being an actor off my list after this is over. If I do it wrong and the ghost gets miffed at me, of course, it could be the last thing I scratch off.
» left by Brianna Popsickle (173 days 19 hours ago.)
Fifteen names? That is a lot ot remember. This is awful of me, but would anyone watching know the difference if you just made up some names for the ones you forget? I bet they wouldn't. Talk fast, and throw in some of your usual humour Mike, you'll have them eating out of your hand. Let us know how it goes!
» left by Nenita Wells from Providence, RI (173 days 17 hours ago.)
Hi Mike.
You are a naturally funny author. I loved your article and enjoyed reading it. I certainly will remember the word "kaflooey" because the word by itself sounds funny. LOL.
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