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Home » Categories » Writing » Fiction » The Reality of Dream » Printer Friendly

Teresa Ortiz

Laugh a Little, Think a Little, Learn a Little

The Reality of Dream

Rated 4.5 out of 5
Rated an Average of 4.8 by 7 Readers ?
Rate It  /  View Comments  /  View All Articles submitted by Teresa Ortiz
Submitted Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Teresa Ortiz (11,020)
Teresa Ortiz

Freelance writer/Speaker
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Far off in the distance the high-pitched squeal continued to get on his nerves in what seemed like a perfectly timed rhythm that was designed to break his concentration. Riding through the dusty and rocky road, bike wide open, he cringes at the sound, putting his hands to his ears. "What is that terrible noise"? He thinks to himself, as his bike stalls and he falls to the ground.

Skin scraped, blood rushing and no help to be found. "Suck it up", he says out loud, while picking his bike off the ground.

Once again, he races through the dirt. The scenery is everything he imagined it would be; early evening while the sun is still shining, yet the breeze has cooled and the perfect mixture of red and orange spread out across the sky as if a painter took his paint brush and brushed it against the sky.

There is nothing sweeter than a motorcycle ride with the wind across his face and his buddies by his side. But today is different. There are no buddies and even though everything looks right, something is off, making him uneasy with the scenery. As perfect as he hoped it would be, something about today was eerie. You know, the kind of thing that looks normal, but you can't explain the queasiness you feel inside.

"Shake it off", he tells himself keep moving and enjoy the ride. " beep, beep, beep" His heart beats faster as this time, the high-pitched squeal is closer, louder, stronger. The heat from the sun dries the blood on his elbow, the dirt fills the open cut in his skin, and it starts to burn. "It doesn't matter; keep riding, away from the squeal". "Get a grip, Dream, it's not like you have never ridden alone before." He says to himself aloud, very loud this time.

The eerie feelings get stronger as he tries to ride farther away from the squeal, which he has now realized has a definite pattern. At last, he spots other riders in the distance. Just as he begins to add pressure to the throttle, his bike stalls for the second time, slowing his pace and bringing him to a stop a few feet away from the... guys?

"Hey, gu---".

Before he can finish his sentence, Dream hears the well-timed squeal. Sweat is pouring down his face as he notices something very strange about his buddies. This time, the squeal acts as a magnet, he can no longer out run it.

Instead, it pulls him back, calling his name, not stopping until it has his full attention. Fear fills his heart and acid his throat as he holds his breath fighting to get away. The high-pitched squeal screams his name, "DREAM! DREAM! DREAM!" Surrendering to the voice, he gaspes for air and suddenly everything makes sense. "Son, wake up, you are having a bad dream, you must have been pressing the snooze button in your sleep." "Get up, you are late for school". His mother was annoyed with him because this was becoming a pattern.

"Okay mom, I'm awake!"

His heart is still racing, but it begins to settle as he stands in the hot shower, laughing over the strange dream he just had. "Ouch", he yells, as he runs the washcloth across the back of his elbows. To his surprise, the washcloth is covered with old, crusty dry blood.

Weird.

When he gets to school, his friends are in the parking lot -- looking very surprised to see him. He can't help but think they look a little different than they did yesterday; older maybe?

"Hey Dream! Where did you disappear to?" "You were right in front of us, we heard this loud noise, and dude, you were gone!" "Everyone was looking for you, but we couldn't find you!" "We figured you got kidnapped by aliens or something." He blows them off as just messing with his head, the way guys do.

As the parking lot begins to fill with other students, he notices them looking and whispering. Only then does he notice the date on the school reader board:

"Tuesday, May 26, 2010" He laughs at the mistake. "That should be May 26 th 2009, smart one."

The End

** This story is the first attempt at fiction and is the joint effort of Justin and Teresa Ortiz. Mostly Justin as it is his last assignment for his Science Fiction Class**
***ammended after some tuturing by David P.***  Thanks!

I wanted to share it with you.

Thanks for reading.






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Comments on this article:


» left by Ken McCreless (1,815)
Ken McCreless
(135 days 15 hours ago.)

Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Nice! An impressive "first attempt at fiction."

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(135 days 13 hours ago.)

Hey thanks, I will let J know. It was fun. May have to try it again on my own :-)
 
I am one part behind on your great story.  I am still playing catch up on my reading my favorite authors.
 
Blessings!

Respond to this comment

» left by Sandra E. Graham (7,554)
Sandra E. Graham
(134 days 23 hours ago.)

Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Very good--a truly budding writer if every I've read one! Thanks for sharing it with us. Good luck to you both.
 
Sandra

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(134 days 14 hours ago.)

HI Sandra! _ thanks for the glowing review :-) It is encouraging.
 
Blessings to you! Teresa

Respond to this comment

» left by Anonymous (134 days 20 hours ago.)
Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Going through the Readers Club here, Sis, but enjoyed this piece even more the second time.

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(134 days 14 hours ago.)

Thanks! we will see what kind of grade he gets on it :-)

Respond to this comment

» left by Ronyae (4,627)
Ronyae
(134 days 13 hours ago.)

Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Teresa,
 
Please Justin, his writing is FABULOUS! Thanks for sharing his creativity with us. I may need to take some pointers from him ... how old is he?

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(134 days 13 hours ago.)

Thanks Ronyae, I will tell him :-)
 
He is 18. He has been putting stories together off and on since he was a little boy. He hates (so he says) reading and writing, but he is very creative. He can't wait to be done with high-school, so he can move on to tech school and concentrate on doing what he loves.  He is a hands on learner and "book" learning has made high-school a challenge for him.  I am praying this story gives him those extra points he needs!

Respond to this comment
» left by Ronyae (4,627)
Ronyae
(134 days 13 hours ago.)

Well, he deserves it.  I'm almost betting that he later returns to this creative side of himself, furhter down the line in life ... and, I'm sure it will be rewarding.

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(134 days 12 hours ago.)

thanks so much Ronyae. Have a great day. and quit focusing on your popularity rating and just write from your heart. I would suggest checking ou the "hot new articles" see what kind of  titles get the most searches and when you are thinging about your title, do a google search and see how many other titles are similar.  I do this and it seems to have helped :-)
 
Hugs, Teresa

Respond to this comment

» left by Nenita Wells (632)
Nenita Wells
(134 days 9 hours ago.)

Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Hi Teresa and Justin.
 
Very good, I liked it. Scenic and very descriptive. Thank you for writing this article,a good ending.
 
God bless.
 
Nenita

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(134 days 2 hours ago.)

Thanks Nita, you are welcome! I am glad you and others are enjoying the story :-)
 
Blessings to you and thanks for everything. Teresa

Respond to this comment

» left by Lorrie Davids (7,889)
Lorrie Davids
(134 days 8 hours ago.)

Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Good job, J! You too, Momma! I enjoyed the story. Congrats to J on his graduation, also.

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(134 days 2 hours ago.)

Thanks Lorrie!  Pray he passes all his finals!  Seriously.  School has been tough for him and he has no room for error!
 
He is a smart kid, but book learning is not his gift. So his Science Fiction class and Geometry class have him struggling. 
 
Thanks!

Respond to this comment

» left by Nila Smith (347)
Nila Smith
(132 days 9 hours ago.)

Reader Rating: 5 out of 5
Yea for T & J!
 
You are off to a terrific start, but it is just a start.  This story must continue!  I can see the twists and turns this could take, and I think that it will end up being a very enoyable read!!!
 
I was expecting the dream, I saw the alarm clock coming, but the last half where that the buddies in the parking lot talk of his dissappearance and then the date on the sign, were total surprises!  I like surprises!
 
SciFi is one of my very favorite things, and I sincerely encourage you two to go on with the story!!
 
N

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(131 days 23 hours ago.)

Hi Nila, thank you for the encouraging words. I will pass them on to J.  He just wrote another story for his Creative Writing class. I need to help him with grammar and punctuation. That was is pretty out there and funny. Maybe he will let me share that one too.

Respond to this comment

» left by David Pekrul (3,697)
David Pekrul
(131 days 23 hours ago.)

Reader Rating: 4 out of 5
Yes, very, very good attempt at writing fiction. I must, however, give a critique of the writing style. You start the story by using the past tense, then switch to the present tense, then it is back and forth between present tense and past tense. I would think that it would be best to pick on and stick with it.
 
Also, because I am so picky on spelling and such, there is one other small correction that should be made. "Far off in the distance the high pitch (should be 'pitched') squeal
 
Do you think that maybe you could turn this short story into a full-blown novel? Maybe? Who knows!

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(131 days 23 hours ago.)

oops, I put my response in the wrong place. Read the comment below this one. Duh :-)

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(131 days 22 hours ago.)

I fixed it...I think :-)

Respond to this comment
» left by David Pekrul (3,697)
David Pekrul
(131 days 22 hours ago.)

I'm still seeing the flip-flop from present tense to past tense. I think each paragraph needs to be checked closely and the tense of each word brought to the present or past tense.

Sorry to be such a pest, but I've always been very picky when it comes to punctuation, spelling and word usage. Just one of my many flaws. :-)

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(131 days 22 hours ago.)

Don't be silly, you are not a pest. I am learning.  I guess I am lost. I need help. Give me an example, if you don't mind :-)
 
This style of writing is brand new to me, so I don't know what I am looking for.
 
Thanks!   Maybe I might be getting it, should "heard" be "hears"? No that's not a real word, do I need to restructure the sentence? Okay, I seriously neeeeeeeeddddd help.
 
Teresa

Respond to this comment
» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(131 days 21 hours ago.)

Okay, so I am not one to give up that easy. I tries again (ha - just a joke)
 
I used the word "hears" even though I didn't see it in the dictionary. I use it when I speak, so I think it is a real word.
 
How did I do this time? 

Respond to this comment

» left by Teresa Ortiz (11,960)
Teresa Ortiz
(131 days 23 hours ago.)

Hi David. You are absolutely right! I was so consumed with watching his grammar, punction, and story line, that I never caught that. You know, I second - guessed myself on "pitch" the first time it was used, then used it correctly later.
 
I appreciate your pointing this out. You know I want to be the best I can be, and as it turns out teach my son the best he can be too. I encourage others when I catch errors, and I am grateful when others point out mine.  This is after all, a writers community. 
 
It is too late for him to turn in a corrected copy, but I will go through this again and pick a tense and stick with it :-)
 
I don't know how much writing he will do after Tuesday, (last day of school), but I  might dabble with fiction again, it was a lot of fun, but it was/is much harder than non-fiction. You actually have to be creative :-)   Blessings to you!

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