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Last week we had to
put my in laws in care home and we think we waited almost too late. We found a
wonderful place where they could stay where they are close to their friends and
they are familiar with their surroundings. My father in law says he feels like
he is in prison but in some areas he is relieved. My mother in law loves the
place and she is finally getting great care.
He has been taking care of his wife alone and would not let
anyone help we think because he was afraid they would be separated. He can
still drive and that is kind of scary but we think he will give that up as he
becomes more adjusted to his new environment. At least he likes the food and he
is glad that someone else is responsible to give them their meds. I keep
reminding him of the last move he didn't like that one either.
My mother in law is paralyzed and totally dependent on
others. She has been this way for three years. She is becoming more and more
senile and he is in the early stages of Alzheimers. The leeches and the
vultures are beginning to circle the camp. The leeches (certain family members
not all) call and she cries out to her husband and tells him that we just have
to help them. So her husband writes the check to the leeches and puts it in the
mail.
Needy organizations (vultures, not all but many) constantly
call and the mail flows in because there are just so many needy people out
there. Of course they just have to help and her husband writes the check to the
vulture of the day. The vultures receive the check and say; aha we have another
easy touch and proceeds to sell their names to other vultures. All too often these vultures have taken old
people for every penny they have and the old people wind up as wards of the
state and are placed in some institutions that are incomprehensible.
My husband is taking over the finances to make sure the
bills get paid and hopefully my father in law will relinquish all rights to
write checks or else the leeches and the vultures will eat them alive. When
they run out of money they can stay where they are and this home will take
whatever medicade and social security pays them. Our fear is that when the time
comes and medicade investigates their finances (they go back 3 years) and they
see that they have continued to give their money away and they will not be able
to stay there because they will not be eligible for assistance.
It has been a rough go trying to clean up the messes and we
are probable still a month away from being able to put their house on the
market just cleaning up the mess. We had senior services check on them but they
said that is just the way old people live and they were not a danger to
themselves yet. Unbelievable.
If you have folks that need care in the near future try not
to wait too long to make sure all their affairs are in order and that you can
act on their behalf, because they may try to hide what is truly going on for
fear of losing their independence. Hopefully you won't find yourself in the
mess we are in.
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