Girls and boys, of all ages have been subjected to the devastating act of sexual violence and molestation since the dawn of time. Some often too young to tell what has happened to them and many old enough to tell, but too young to
know what is happening to them. One thing they do know is that it is not something that should be happening and from these feelings, they develop their own sense of confusion and insecurity.
Most children keep these unpleasant events to themselves for different reasons-fear of the person who committed the offense, shame at what has just happened, uncertainty about what has just happened, and any number of other reasons. Quite often they feel that they were somehow at fault for what happened. And the very young may feel that what happened wasn't wrong, just unpleasant.
Most often the abuser uses threats to keep the child quiet-"I will kill you and your parents, if you tell." Any child would hesitate to cause harm to their parents in this situation. Some children are so lacking in love and attention from their parents or other adults, that they fall victim to abusers who use kindness, gentleness, and bribes to subdue the child in their immoral grasp.
There are cases where the abuser doesn't even have to use threats or coercion to get what they want because the child feels such an overwhelming amount of shame at what has been done to them. Shame seems to be the most predominant feeling when the abuser is a close relative or very close friend of the family; someone the child has grown to love and trust. Fear that their parents may not believe that
Uncle Joe or older brother
Billy would do such a horrible thing could also be a barrier to a child's confession to his/her parents.
It is for just these very reasons that parents need to be educated in looking for the
signs of abuse. The overly quiet child, dark circles of exhaustion under the eyes, an unwillingness to be touched or hugged by adults; sometimes including their parents, excessive anger, or weeping. A child who isn't playful and overly shy around other people is just a few of the possible signs of child abuse.
We are responsible for protecting our children and the time to begin is yesterday. Too often the news is filled with reports of young children and babies being left alone with the mother's boyfriend and all too often that boyfriend has a criminal record of abuse. The baby ends up beaten and/or sexually abused.
Mothers, know with whom you are entrusting your babies!
A child sometimes reaches adulthood before they develop the courage, or are given a reason, to share their secret horrors with their mother and father. Most often, and especially in the case of an abusing relative, it is the fact that the abuser has been found out and reported for other cases of abuse that gives the victim just the edge they need to help them make their plight known. Once the secret is out about others that this person has defiled, it becomes easier for each victim to reveal their own case of sexual abuse.
The statistics of reported child abuse are abhorrent; the numbers not reported are probably astronomical:
One in three girls and one in six boys are sexually abused before the age of 18. [1]
Over a third of all sexual assaults involved a victim who was under the age of 12. [2]
An estimated 906,000 children were victims of maltreatment in the United States in 2003. 10% of the children were found to be victims of sexual abuse. [3]
Some victims just gain strength from maturity and lose the fear and shame that has kept them silent all those years. While others choose to live with their secret for the remainder of their lives, leaving the abuser to go free to pick and choose his victims at will. And it is those abhorrent individual abusers who will be left to God's vengeance alone and I for one hope that His wrath will be great and just.
[1] Russell, Diana E.H. 1988. The Incidence and Prevalence of Intrafamilial and Extrafamilial Sexual Abuse of Female Children. In
Handbook on Sexual Abuse of Children, ed., Lenore E.A. Walker. Springer Publishing Co.
[2] Bureau of Justice Statistics. U.S. Department of Justice. 2000.
Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement: Victim, Incident, and Offender Characteristics,.
[3] U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Children's Bureau.
Child Maltreatment 1997: Reports from the States to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System. Washington , D.C. : 1999
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