I don't ever remember my mother telling me to make my decisions based on "for the good of all involved." She believed in the concept, but used her own words. I wasn't introduced to this particular saying until I went into a twelve step program. I have to admit, it was a little foreign to me. And it took some time to become natural for me to do so.
This theory can be applied to the simplest things. Not taking the whole box of donuts because there are others who may enjoy some, is looking out for all involved. Taking the box up to your room, is not thinking about anyone else but yourself. Once you are aware of doing things for the good of all involved, you take a couple of donuts, and leave the rest. A better scenario, I think. A decision based on "for the good of ALL involved."
This teaches one to be considerate and to think of others, not just themselves. One might be in a grocery store parking lot, and not feel like dropping the cart back off in it's "designated" spot. Since we all know how annoying it is to get dinged, are we not simply thinking about ourselves, and not "the good of all involved?" The wind is blowing and the rain is pouring. What do you think the chances are that someone is going to get dinged! You get a little exercise, you do a good deed, and you think about all involved.
There is a person spreading nasty rumors about you. She gives a party that you are invited to, and you not only go, you show up in your finest. You want to say everything you are thinking, and have been thinking for a while, in front of everyone, but your conscience pulls you back into reality. You realize that others don't need to be affected by this person's pettiness, and you can confront her at another time if it's that important to you. You have absorbed, "for the good of all involved."
You are depressed, and think a new haircut will lift your spirits. (trust me on this one, I went through it) When the beautician is done, you want to cry, you want to yell, you want to rip her hair out and see how she feels with this horrific cut. But, you chalk it up to inexperience, remind yourself never to come here again, and you go on until it grows out. You don't yell and scream at the woman in front of her other customers.
You may want to, but for the good of all involved; the beautician, the customers, and yourself, you pay your bill and drive on home. Every one of these scenes played out better than their alternatives. No regrets, no embarrassment, and no shame. Of course, one may have to calm down in some manner as not to cause damage to themselves for not blowing up. There are ways for that to happen.
A nice walk in nature, a warm bubble bath, praying and talking to God, a glass of wine, or two, or three, a cup of tea, reading, writing, calling someone you haven't talked to in a while, looking through pictures that make you happy, shopping, working on a hobby, fishing, walking along the beach. All these things will help one's inner turmoil reach a point of peace, and so much negativity has been a avoided.
The question to ask one's self is, "How will my decision affect everyone else?" If I buy this Ferrari because I've always wanted one, how will it affect my lifestyle, and how is my wife or husband! going to feel about it? Will we be able to live in the style we've become accustomed? Will they mind if we can't? Doesn't it sound so much healthier to think about others when deciding to do something that may affect them as well?
When making dinner, does one make what they want, or think about the other members of the family? When painting the house, do the other members' opinions enter into the decision? How about when picking out a couch, or bed? Unless everyone involved is included in the decision making process, the good of all involved is not upheld.
It's a good question to keep in mind as we travel through this world. Many people are bound to be affected, and if we can make that a positive "affection" we can live calmer, more peaceful and rewarding lives. It can keep us on our positive toes and promote a true feeling of harmony.
Dear Sue, I love what you wrote and how you wrote it. Well-done, with examples we can relate to quickly on a busy morning, and the reminders stick. Your examples include conflicts that often would be better left alone, while we can stick with our own views without forcing them on others or helpless bystanders. Thanks for a terrific article. ~Jane
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