Isolation can either be devastating, or peaceful. And the emotions involved start as early as birth. We, as parents, have to do our part to soothe a baby and make them feel safe and comfortable, while they are alone in their playpen or crib. Dinner has to be made, carpets need to be vacuumed, beds need to be made, and a baby needs to learn how to keep themselves busy in the meantime.
This takes a lot of work on our part. We buy cute little toys that keep them busy for a short time, have special blankets that bring them comfort, mobiles, sounds, music, whatever seems to calm their desire to be in mom's arms. If we succeed, we are inadvertently doing the best thing for our child. They will learn how to soothe themselves, and carry those traits throughout their lives. When the doorbell rings, and mom goes to answer it, the baby in the infant seat is either going to scream their head off, or play with their elmo doll.
As they get older, if they've learned to be alone, they won't have any problem playing in their rooms by themselves, and using their imagination to bide their time. Learning how to be alone is probably one of the most important and basic comforts we can teach our kids. Life is difficult, and there are going to be many times that we will be alone for one reason or another. We can cry, we can sleep to escape that loneliness, or we can figure out how to be alone and in peace.
Being alone is frustrating at times, but if the shoe fits, we have to learn how to wear it well. I have three aunts who are alone. They have their activities during the day, and friends to go out to lunch with, but lunches end, and mass on Sunday ends, and their dog "for company" sleeps 12 hours a day. Television isn't what it used to be, there are only so many people to talk with on the phone or internet, and there's only so much you can clean. So, one must adjust to the silence, and create a new routine.
I've heard some people say that they like being alone. I also like to be alone at times. I think it's a good way to think and gather one's thoughts. Many problems and situations are solved in solitude. I use the time to talk with God, and my parents who have moved on. I think about my life, what has occurred and not occurred, and how I can make things better. I try to come to terms with whatever is bothering me. The silence has become a comfort.
I'm no longer afraid to be alone. If I run out of things to do, I take a nap. (laundry is never-ending, butI'll get to it) I can take a walk outside and enjoy the beauty of the mountains across the street, the lake in the back, and the beautiful flowers. If we can be alone with ourselves, we can avoid a lot of unpleasant and hurtful feelings. Our mind can take us out of our mood, and fill us with the beauty of that moment. After all, that's all we ever really can be sure of-that one moment. If we've mastered being alone, we'll enjoy that moment.
Good article Susan, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my times of being alone. Yes I like my moments of solitude gives me time to sort out many personal problems and also problems in the world.
I understand this article. I was scared to be alone at my house after my husband left us but now I am better. I got a dog and he is better company than my husband was alot of the times.
i find myself alone often, now that the kids aren't my main priority after 20 years, and i'm alone when i'm on my computer for hours, and at other times, and i realized; if you don't know how to be alone with yourself, you'll feel fear and anxiety and depression.
my aunts have lost their husbands, and it's been hard for them, but now, they are keeping busy and learning how to be alone. big help if you know how to do that throughout your life.
Good article, Sue. I find that the older I get, the less I mind being alone. I don't ever want to be ALL alone, but I figure God has that one covered. Time with a good book, to think, relax - I wait for those times now.
i think it's good to be able to have time alone. we ran after our kids and dealt with everything imaginable, until they reached adulthood. i remember being so tired, and now, i can take MY nap, when i want! pretty cool.
» left by Dianne Lehmann from Dewey, AZ (116 days 17 hours ago.)
Hi Sue.
You are so right. I've a friend who doesn't want to be alone and because of it, she has made a couple of bad choices in partners. She is not even divorced yet and she is asking people to keep an eye out for a guy for her. I think she needs to learn a few things about being on her own first.
I think I got lucky in this regard and was born comfortable with being alone. My mom once told me that she would have to constantly check on me as a baby in my crib because I was so quiet and happy (no toys or mobiles or the like) alone in my crib that she never knew if I was awake or not.
I wouldn't trade my life with my husband for anything. But on the day that he leaves me (if he should die before me), I will mourn (probably the rest of my life), but I won't be afraid to be alone.
i have 3 aunts in their mid 70's who are alone, spouses have died, and they mourned, of course, and had to make adjustments, but they now have their own routines. they have lunches with friends, dinners, go to shows, go on bus trips, and play bingo. it helps to know that if need be, we can make it on our own.
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