Miscommunication is a common problem with interactions in work, home, and social settings. Why is it that we have so many problems communicating when we spend 80% of our waking hours in some form of communication? Why doesn’t ample communication ensure understanding? Communication breakdowns are not usually caused by lack of communication, but instead, occur as a result of misunderstandings effective communication is not what you say, it’s what is heard and perceived. To ensure the intent of your message is understood, it is important to send your message in the receiver’s preferred communication style, listen to the receiver’s response to your message, and provide feedback to complete the communication cycle. Anyone can learn how to be a more effective communicator through practicing the skills of tuning, listening and feedback.
The first key to being an effective communicator is learning how to recognize others’ preferred communication style and “tuning", or adjusting, your message to that style to ensure understanding.
- “If we want to be heard we must speak in a language the listener can understand and on a level at which the listener is capable of operating." – M. Scott Peck
You can determine a person’s preferred communication style by knowing their personality type. There are 2 components of the personality type that help reveal the preferred communication style (these are 2 of the 4 components that comprise a personality type based on the observations of Isabel Myers and her mother, Katharine Briggs).
- Sensing (focus on present reality, facts, & specifics) vs. Intuitive (focus on patterns, possibilities, & the future) and
- Thinking (focus on principles, structure, & logic) vs. Feeling (focus on people, relationships, & values)
So, for example, to communicate with someone whose personality type is sensing and thinking, it is best to provide information in an organized fashion based on facts and details. This type of communication would not be preferred or understood by someone whose personality type is intuitive and feeling – for that type, it is best to present information and potential options from a personal level that relates to values.
In addition to “tuning" verbal communication to match the receiver’s preferred communication style, we can also ensure better understanding by guarding the messages we send in non-verbal ways. Since only 20% of the perceived message is based on words used, and 80% is based on vocal communication and body language, we cannot assume that just because you say something, the other person will know exactly what you mean. Volume, tone, rhythm, and pitch of your voice can alter the intent of your message. Similarly, body movements and facial expressions can inhibit your message from being conveyed as intended.
The second key to being an effective communicator is learning how to listen. Once you’ve sent your message, you need to listen to the receiver’s response to that message. Some essential skills for effective listening include:
- Maintaining consistent eye contact
- Waiting to respond (don’t interrupt)
- Asking open-ended questions to gain understanding or clarification of the response
- Remaining open-minded
- Controlling your emotions and
- Learning to notice when your message was not received as intended.
The third and final key to being an effective communicator is learning how to provide feedback to the receiver’s response to your original message. This feedback is important to completing the communication cycle. After listening to the receiver’s response, repeat the response back to the receiver and acknowledge any concerns or feelings. Then summarize the main points of your original message and get agreement for action.
By tuning your message to the receiver’s preferred communication style, listening to the receiver’s response to your message, and providing feedback to that response, you can avoid misunderstandings that lead to communication breakdowns. Tuning, listening, and feedback will ensure that your message is heard and perceived as intended and help you to become more effective in your communications at work, home, and social gatherings.
Coach Deb provides personal, professional and life coaching services to help provide challenge, inspiration, focus, support and accountability to help others communicate effectively and she can be reached via e-mail at coachdeb@adelphia.net.
Copyright 2006 Coach Deb
