I have battled with both kinds of depression, and these are
my opinions. Everyone is different, and should see a doctor if they are having any of the symptoms I will be mentioning.
Have you ever gone to see a movie, and walked out of the theater crying? "Brian's Song" is one of those movies, or "Love Story", or "Beaches." The story line brings out our emotions and dulls our senses for awhile. Our mood is sad, and we bring that feeling with us until something good happens to snap us out of it. The hot fudge Sunday on the way home may even do the trick. Before you know it, we are home, paying the babysitter, checking on the kids, making lunches for school tomorrow, taking a shower, reading a little, and falling off to sleep.
The next morning, we may remember the movie we saw, and think about it through the day, but we become focused on work and kids and life, and what to make for dinner. We clean the house, go to the grocery store, get the car washed, pick up the cleaning, and meet the kids coming home, and off the bus. Homework is done, dinner is started, and the movie fades from our mind.
There is no question we were depressed the night before. We cried, we felt an emptiness in our soul, we lingered on the plot, and we felt sadness. However, now we catch ourselves laughing at our puppy running after the cat, and our three year old with lipstick all over their face. We have a nice conversation with our best friend while the little one is sleeping, and then it's time for the bigger kids to get home, and the routine begins again. The movie is now a distant memory. That depression was a "mood," and one we can bounce back from.
Clinical depression, however, can be very disruptive to one's life, and is much more intense than the mood of depression. One who normally wakes up early, goes to work, in or outside the home, begins to sleep for longer periods of time. Escape is the desired outcome. Life becomes too hard to deal with, and sleep passes the time, and keeps the thoughts away.
Our daily shower becomes our weekly shower. Thoughts creep in as to whether or not we would be better dead than alive. If it is intense enough, suicidal thoughts will run through an otherwise strong and intelligent mind. Our looks and demeanor change. Others can tell something is seriously wrong. However, there is a wall of pain that cannot be penetrated by a kiss from a loved one, or a hug from a friend.
Even if we are usually very strong willed and independent, once depression grips our minds and souls, we need to do a lot of work to repair our frame of mind. Therapy is a huge help, the right medication can do wonders, and a supportive group of people who care about us, is a must. We don't need to hear, "You still have your pajamas on? It's three o'clock in the afternoon!"
There are many interesting and helpful books on depression. Just reading about a condition that is real enough that someone is writing about it, takes a little of the shame away. Learning enough about clinical depression to understand it, is a great relief. Reading about others' experiences with clinical depression finally allows us to know we are not alone.
Simple chores become monumental tasks; emptying the dishwasher, doing laundry, vacuuming, dusting, cooking, making the bed, taking care of the kids, going shopping. Usually, these chores will be omitted from our daily routine until our depression subsides. The misunderstanding that we are "lazy" will come around to those who believe so. Ignorance runs rampant.
Clinical depression is a silent disease, since there are no casts on our arms or bruises all over our bodies. Others cannot SEE our ailment, and therefore, many times we must suffer alone. This condition isolates us from our normal lifestyle, and robs us of valuable time. No one wants to feel lazy or depressed or down and out, with no incentive to do anything other than sleep.
In order to escape the day, the night becomes our day. We stay up and watch tv or go on our computers, or maybe empty the dishwasher now that we feel a little better. There was a time where my depression was so deep, I could only empty one drawer at a time. Walking through Wal-Mart, I would have to stop at every aisle and rest, leaning on the cart, while little gray dots sprayed from my eyes. Simply doing that shopping landed me in bed once all was put away.
I suffer from Crohn's, and the big side affect is indeed, depression. Then there was the clinical depression to add some weight! And now I have post traumatic stress syndrome, and guess what? Depression is a side affect, as it is for my underactive thyroid. The best thing I ever did was to go to a doctor, and get on medications. I had to try several types of anti depressants until we found the one that works the best, and life came back to a person who had been a shell of their former self.
I still have my moments, but at least I can do the things I need to do without crying and seeing spots. I have had to go without my medications at times, and the symptoms jump for joy at being able to return. It's immediate, just as it is positively immediate when I get back on the meds. I simply don't have enough serontonin in my brain, and the medication adds the right amount, and I feel like a real human being again.
I implore anyone who is or knows someone suffering with depression, to suggest they get to a doctor, before the doctor will have to get to them. Get the right medication for your body and brain, live with exuberance, eat and sleep normally, laugh at what's funny, and cry at what's sad. Enjoy the ride to the grocery store, find pleasure in the fact that now you'll be stocked up on what you need.
And be proud of yourself for getting the help you need.
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