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What Causes Lack of Respect in Teenagers?
The lack of respect teenagers show these days is certainly no secret.
Today, I found myself thinking about what some of the causes could be
and I identified three things I believe contribute greatly to the lack
of respect found in teenagers.
Changes in Government and Society
There was a time, and not that long ago, when most parents
enforced the rules in their homes through several different methods
including physical punishment.
These physical punishments, most often spankings, were
actually very effective positive discipline for teenagers. They might
not seem so positive but they were because the paddling was the final
line. It brought real consequences to a child's actions.
For example, when I was growing up if I did something I wasn't
supposed to do I'd find myself grounded for anywhere from a few days to
a few weeks.
Often, I'd be punished physically as well. I'm not talking
about being slapped around or any foolishness like that. I'm talking
about a good ole paddling. Often those were administered with a belt.
It wasn't just me either. It was quite common for a kid to be spanked back when I was growing up.
The result? We learned if we did not want to get a whupping we needed to follow the rules.
Times have certainly changed. Some of the people who make the
laws in this country decided that a parent disciplining their child by
means of a paddling was child abuse.
These days any parent who spanks their child can have child
abuse charges filed against them and find their state government
interfering in their family life.
I believe this is one of the greatest reasons teenagers have a
lack of respect today. Because without the backup of an actual real
punishment there is no real motivation for a kid to change their
behavior.
Parents today often have their kids right up in their faces
yelling at their parents. What is the parent going to do? Well, when it
comes right down to it they really cannot do anything.
Sure they can tell the child to stop it or else... but what is
the or else? The parent can try grounding them from the television or
computer. They can take away their cell phone. They can tell their
disobedient child he / she are not leaving the house for a week.
This all sounds good. It should be effective, right? So...
what happens when the child thinks "to heck with this!" and watches
television and gets on the computer anyway? What if they sneak in and
take back their cell phone? What if they sneak out of the house or
simply walk out right in front of their parents?
Although this might seem quite extreme for kids to do, believe
me, it does happen and is happening all over the USA every day. Talk to
your friends. Watch the news. Search the Internet only briefly and you
will discover what a huge problem this has become.
The bottom line is without any real "tool" in their toolbox
the parents no longer have any real power to enforce the rules and make
their kids behave.
Everyone Must Earn Respect... Including You!
Recently, I was reading an article that talked about how teachers are seeing an alarming trend these past few years.
The students are expecting everyone else to earn their respect.
Teenagers make their teachers earn their respect. Until the teacher
earns the respect the student has none for them simply because of the
teachers position.
The same goes for their parents and even other teenagers. They
do not respect people for being older. They do not respect people for
things they have accomplished. They do not respect their parents for
providing for them and for bringing them into the world in the first
place.
I have talked to many teenagers in an attempt to understand
it. The things I have been told are "what other people have done has
nothing to do with me" and "Why do adults always brag about what they
have done, pat themselves on the back and want us to kiss their
behinds?"
The only explanation I have for this behavior is the teenagers may have learned this from a role model.
A Disrespectful Role Model
If a child has grown up around a parent, or other adult role
model, who often talks and acts disrespectfully the child will pick up
on that.
For example, if a parent is always complaining about their
job, and in particular, complaining about their boss or other people
they work with... think about what kind of message this sends to kids.
First, the child can begin to lose respect for their parent.
They may think "wow, (mom or dad) must be a real pushover if they have
so many problems at work." They may also support their parent fully and
think "I'll never let some idiot ruin my life like that. I won't even
give them the chance to!"
Neither of these views is a healthy way for a child to see the
world and other people. Under such circumstances, it is understandable
how the child may develop an aggressive personality causing them to
challenge all authority. After all they have seen what such people did
to their parent's life. They've listened to their parent complain about
it for years. The child may simply be doing whatever they can to make
sure they will not be treated the same way as their parent has been.
I'm not laying the blame solely on parents. Believe me, I
understand this cannot be the entire reason behind teenagers lack of
respect.
Gary Benjamin has four children. He understands the challenges today's parents face.
Good article, AIP. Sometimes I wonder if there is such a thing as a positive role model for today's kids. Everything parents try to do is superceded by a peer or another nosey adult who has no authority or business being in the life of the teen. Ha - thanks for letting me vent!
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