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Positive Discipline Requires Understanding Your Teenager
As a child ages and moves into their early teenage years their social world begins to change dramatically.
These are the years when friends and groups begin to take on great importance. Not too long after establishing their (often large) circle of friends, boys begin to take notice of girls and vice versa.
I wanted to lead into this with the above to emphasize the importance teenagers place on other teenagers. To them, this is almost their whole world. It is the world that usually has the greatest importance to them.
Discovering Their Own Identity
The teenage years are when a child begins to learn what they truly like and dislike. They may switch between many different personalities as they try to find the one that feels the most comfortable to them or the one that "works" best for them.
These kids are beginning to realize they are an individual. They are a person separate from their parents. They want to have their own life and often the only way they can feel like they have that is by hiding things from their parents. By not telling their parents everything that is going on with themselves and their friends your teenager knows there are parts of their life that belong solely to them.
Teenagers Need for Privacy
As your child enters the teenage years you will probably notice a greater emphasis being placed on their room, their stuff, their space, etc. The common theme being the strong degree of ownership they feel.
Of course, this will be expressed in terms such as " stay out of my stuff!! ", " it's my life ", and " get out of my room ".
This can be a hard time for a parent. For a little over a decade your son or daughter wanted you to be a big part of their lives. They welcomed you looking in on them before bed. They wanted you to check on them just to see if all was well. They realized you did these things because you loved them and wanted them to be happy and safe.
As they grow older, your children begin to filter more of the information they share about themselves and their "world". For example, if a teenager confides in her closest friends that she likes a certain boy at school, her friends are free to discuss that topic with each other. They may also share this information with a couple of their closest friends. They will most likely not want mom and dad to know.
The reason for their behavior in this case is loyalty plain and simple. In an attempt to be trustworthy to their closest friends, teenagers end up acting sneaky and withdrawn to their parents. Your teen may have very little to say to you but let them get with a close friend in person or on the phone and it seems like they will never stop talking (or texting).
Teenagers know they cannot control many things but one of the things they can control is what they choose to share with other people including their parents.
Gary Benjamin has four children. He understands the challenges today's parents face.
Disclaimer: All information on this site is provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
or organization.
