Life balance can be elusive when you are caring for a relative. Adding caregiving duties to your already busy life takes over any free time you might have. Letting go of the concept that balance means perfection or always feeling in control is a good place to begin.
The best analogy that I've heard about achieving life balance is to compare balance to sailing. Sailing does not mean setting a direct route and plowing forward. Sailors start with their destination in mind and follow the wind making course corrections along the way to reach their landing point.
Viewing your life like sailing, begin by knowing your priorities and goals. The wind, a new project at work or your parent's latest health crisis, pushes you out of balance into stress. Noticing that you are off course, feeling stress, yelling at your kids, not exercising, you make a course correction to get on track.
What can you do to create life balance when you notice that you are off course?
Take the time to identify and write down your values about how you want to live your life. When you know where want to be and how you want your life to feel, it will be easier to notice that you are off course and easier to get back on course. Balance, in part is about connecting to a sense of the bigger purpose of what you are doing. When you tap into your greater purpose, it reminds you what to do to get back on course.
Look at what you need to say "no" to. The day only has 24 hours in it no matter how organized you are. When you add caregiving for a parent to your life there are some opportunities and activities that you will have to say "no" to. Be cautious as you decide what to say "no" to. Don't turn into a caregiving drone who says "no" to people and activities that she enjoys and doesn't take any time for herself. Keep time for yourself and time for friends and family in your schedule.
Say "yes" to help. Take offers of help seriously. Keep a list of things that need to be done can help you respond effectively to offers of help that come your way. Identify recurring tasks like paying bills, transportation to doctor appointments or grocery shopping and work with your regular helpers to keep these events covered and off your plate. By guarding your time closely, you can save your time and energy for events that require your person touch. Saying "yes" to help also means asking for help. Friends and family may not offer to help. Be very clear and specific when you ask for help. Keep judgment out of your request. What you need to do is narrow in on your desired outcome, not how you got there.
Be fierce about what you need. As a caring person, you may put your self and your needs last. As time goes by, this will almost guarantee your life to get out of balance. If you are out of practice honoring your own needs and wishes. Start finding opportunities to express your desires. Let others know your needs and don't be afraid to speak up and state your preferences. Give yourself permission to say no. Schedule breaks for yourself. Focus on the mind, body and spirit triangle and select activities that nurture and restore all of you.
When you are rested and all is well, you don't spend much time thinking about a balanced life. Watch for signs that the balance is shifting from in control to out of balance. Tiredness, being emotionally volatile and feeling overwhelmed are signs that you are out of balance. Get another family member or good friend to nudge you if you are veering out of balance.
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In the 90's Stephen and Sandra Joyce moved back home to Ireland specifically to help care for his parents and unwittingly began a 10 year care experience. It was that experience that inspired them to found EldercareABC.com.
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