An article by Kylie Holmes.
Next time you are in the company of a child, just watch. Suppose the child is holding a small cardboard box in their hand: one moment the child is talking to you, the next they are rushing off to play because Aggis has arrived. The excitement draws you in but you see no one around and the child is full of excitement as they explain that mischievous friend Aggis has come to play trains and planes using the cardboard box as the main prop. The child is suddenly transported from our physical ‘real’ world and into their magical imaginary world – a world where friends like Aggis exist.
Imagination can be a child's best friend as well as worst enemy. From imaginary playmates to scary bedtime monsters, the world of pretend is a very important and real part of developing and growing up. The question we, as adults, need to ask ourselves is whether the child is simply entering their world of imaginary friends or whether they connecting to a spiritual world and talking to a dead relative or friend who has come to see them?
What is Imagination? The word comes from the Latin ‘imago’, meaning ‘picture’. Imagination is, by a very general definition, “the power or process of producing mental images and ideas". Imagination is a hugely powerful learning tool for children starting at ages two and upward, encouraging creativity, focus of mind, and increase in concentration.
Imagination gives children the freedom to follow their ideas and interests in the way they wish and for their own personal reasons. Imagination can be fundamental in helping children to explore, learn and question the world around them, to make meaning out of it for their own lives and existence on Earth.
How would life be without Imagination? Life would lack poignant drama without the use of imagination and people would be less likely to follow their dreams and desires. People would be condemned to live predominantly instinctive lives lacking in social compassion and understanding. Without imagination, people would have no food for thought and perhaps never question or analyse the world and their human existence.
Without imagination the world would be devoid of beautiful man made constructions such as the pyramids, the Great Wall of China and even Stonehenge. The world would exist without the technology of computers, the genius of transport, and the marvel of medical science.
Imagination IS a truly wonderful thing to have - an inner power, used throughout history by all the great thinkers, artists, musicians, scientists, philosophers, healers and inventors – imagination has been nurtured by all people who have tried and succeeded in solving problems, overcome obstacles and pushing creative boundaries achieving the impossible.
"The man who has no imagination has no wings." – Muhammad Ali
Imagination or spirituality?
Childhood is the earliest phase in our life when we consciously begin to explore our imagination. It is a time of magic, wonder and illusion a time when the stairs carrying us to bed become our space rocket to Mars in search of alien life along the way "to boldly go where no child has gone before" when the space under our bed is the hiding place for monsters and ghosts waiting to come out and scare us.
I was introduced to my eldest daughter's imaginary friend five years ago when I picked her up from nursery. Then two years old she announced that “Sammy" was her brother and that he was going to live with us and sleep under her bed. I remember being curious as to whether my daughter’s friend was imaginary or whether it really was the spirit of the child I had lost many years before she was born. Whatever the answer, I always encouraged my daughter’s relationship with her ‘brother’ Sammy.
There are many parents out there who adopt the opposite approach to mine, telling their children that imaginary friends are not real, but only figments of their overactive imagination. Yet, how many parents embrace the possibility that their child’s imaginary friend might be a ghost, a spirit guide, a deceased grandparent, relative or even family friend? How many parents analyse their child’s bad dream, their images seen in the night, their imaginary friends, and wonder whether they might actually be ghosts that, for whatever reason, have chosen to communicate themselves to a child?
When we tell our children “it was just a bad dream", are we accidentally teaching them to mistrust their personal thoughts and experienced – and to constantly question themselves? Some parents unknowingly teach their children to dismiss ‘imaginary’ experiences as being just that - imaginary. Other parents are terribly protective of their children, not wanting to see them upset or showing weird characteristics not common of all children. Many parents are ignorant about how susceptible children are in having spiritual experiences and connections with dead loved ones. I know that all of us as parents are guilty of tucking our little ones back into bed with words we believed to be reassuring: "there are no such things as ghosts"…"you just had a bad dream"… "it wasn't real"…"it was just your imagination".
The existence of ghosts or spiritual supernatural beings has been debated for centuries. Throughout history a primary question always comes up - why can some children see them and yet others can’t? There have been numerous theories to answer this question – and my own theory is that children can and do see, and sense imaginary or spiritual experiences that many adults cannot or will not see.
Experts have put forward many different reasons why children create imaginary friends and such reasons usually centre on the child's needs. Some declare that imaginary friends boost creativity and prevent loneliness. Others suggest imaginary friends help ease any anxieties a child might otherwise experience as the child confides their likes, dislikes and worries to their invisible friend. An imaginary friend allows a child to test the boundaries of what’s right and wrong by breaking rules and placing the blame on their invisible friend.
A new friend enables a child to feel more in control of their life, to help out when the child feels particularly vulnerable perhaps during the birth of a new sibling, during a house move or change of school. Whatever their purpose, most imaginary friends have names, personalities and vivid physical characteristics, are usually harmless and can be an emotional outlet, conscience protector or alter ego. For example, Grace, aged six, talked about her friend and explained, "she does not like pizza because she does not like cheese". Children can play highly imaginative games with their imaginary friend and the friend may even take up space in a child's bed – you’ll be warned not to sit on them if they do!
Most children forget their imaginary friends once they have started school and even if they do not, the friend does not usually go to school with them. Some imaginary friends disappear before a child turns six, but most usually disappear between third and fifth year birthdays. The friends, whether child, adult or animal are either forgotten, sent on a distant or permanent trip or 'die' in a horrible accident.
"Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world" – Albert Einstein
A Few Stories to Share When Robert Adams was a small boy he dreamt about a small girl who later became his imaginary friend. Robert went around telling his friends that he had a new invisible friend. He became very upset when his mother did not believe him, but was pleased that some of the children around him did believe him.
Rachel Ashcroft's imaginary friends were three little dragons – one red, one green and one purple. Rachel’s purple dragon was the pest of the three as she (Rachel) always had to 'clean up after it'. Her mum tolerated Rachel’s imaginary friends but drew the line at bringing them shopping saying that the ‘No Dogs’ sign also meant ‘No Dragons’ as well.
Peter Hill had two childhood imaginary friends who looked like Jerry, the mouse from Tom and Jerry cartoon. One mouse was Diggy, who was red in colour, the other was Gog, a blue mouse. Peter said Gog was responsible for all the naughty things and the Diggy was good, always telling Gog off. Diggy was also there at Peter’s side whenever Peter has to tell his parents how Gog had done everything that was wrong. Peter believed his parents could see Gog and Diggy even if they blamed Peter anyway.
By paying attention to how and when imaginary friends appear in your child’s life, you can learn a lot about your child as a little person. The occurrence of imaginary companions and fantasy play show you that the child is beginning to think abstractly. And this, I can tell you, is a remarkable event.
Infants and toddlers tend to be afraid of such things as a growling dog or a thunderstorm, normally things that are actually there and real at that moment in time – such fears are known as “concrete fears". That said, children could also show different fears as they talk about ghosts in the cupboard, monsters under the bed or burglars breaking into their room. These are called “abstract fears", fears that are not necessarily real or there at that moment in time.
Psychologists believe, that from a developmental perspective, a child's fear of monsters under the bed is actually a reason for celebration for it tells you that your child is struggling to master the intricacies of abstract thinking. It also explains why using a concrete approach to the fear, such as suggesting that the two of you check under the bed or in the closet for monsters or ghosts to eliminate them, doesn't always work. Your child will simply reply that the monsters are hiding and will come out later. Unlike a fear that’s real and in front of them at the time (such as the dog growling), the monsters under the bed fear resides in the child’s head and can scare them at any time.
Famous people with vivid imaginations
Princess Margaret is said to have used her imaginary friend to avoid blame. Whenever her nanny confronted her about something she had or hadn’t done, Princess Margaret would place the blame on 'Cousin Halifax'.
Robert Louis Stevenson also had imaginary friends. Because he suffered chronic health problems throughout his childhood, he spent much of his youth bedridden. To amuse himself whilst bedridden, Stevenson created his own world of friends and playmates. As an adult, Stevenson's interest in children's imaginations together with his own childhood experiences, may have contributed to his many successes as author and poet. One particular poem, is particularly fitting within this article - The Unseen Playmate.
The Unseen Playmate
When children are playing alone on the green,
In comes the playmate that never was seen.
When children are happy and lonely and good,
The Friend of the Children comes out of the wood.
Nobody heard him, and nobody saw,
His is a picture you never could draw,
But he's sure to be present, abroad or at home,
When children are happy and playing alone.
He lies in the laurels, he runs on the grass, He sings when you tinkle the musical glass
Whene'er you are happy and cannot tell why,
The Friend of the Children is sure to be by!
He loves to be little, he hates to be big,
'T is he that inhabits the caves that you dig
'T is he when you play with your soldiers of tin
That sides with the Frenchmen and never can win.
'T is he, when at night you go off to your bed,
Bids you go to sleep and not trouble your head
For wherever they're lying, in cupboard or shelf,
'T is he will take care of your playthings himself!
Imagination is truly important for all of us, whether young or old. Without it we are truly non-existent and with it we are truly exceptional. With just a little imagination our dreams can really come true, our lives can become more fulfilling, and our loved ones of a spirit world can perhaps communicate with us.
During the research I have undertaken the last seven years for my forthcoming book, I have found how some children’s imaginary friends turn out to be their Grandmother or Grandfather who passed away before they were born. Jade, my eldest daughter has always maintained that Sammy is her brother and I believe that maybe she is right. I also believe that children early as two years old do have real spiritual experiences and encounters as well as imaginary “made up" friends.
– Ends –
If you have a story or experience to share on children’s imaginary friends then I would love to hear from you for my forthcoming book.
About the author:
A mother of three children (Jade, Amba and Leo) and wife to Eric, Kylie is also a writer, a counsellor, an intuitive angel therapist, a transpersonal therapist and a past life regression therapist.
Kylie can be contacted as follows:
Post: Kylie Holmes, PO Box 210, St Neots, Cambridgeshire, PE19 6YA. Email: kylie.holmes@btinternet.com
Telephone: 0780 780 8413
Website: www.touchedbyanangel.me.uk
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