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A quarter of an inch made all the difference in the world that day. One way and the events would have a tragic, permanent effect, changing my life and the lives of my family members for ever. The other way would be intangible, and eventually I would have to live like those events never took place. A quarter of an inch is the only difference.
That quarter of an inch of course is the distance the trigger would have needed to travel to send the bullet into the back of my head while two of my sons watched. Sorry for being so dramatic, but I think about that quarter of an inch frequently.
I'm not afraid of dying, but I want to be around to finish raising my boys. I want to be able to see them succeed in life as they start families of their own and I want to grow old with my wife so we can once again have the house to ourselves!
I wish I could say that the events of that day made me appreciate life more, or made me start living life to a fuller extent. Maybe it has. I know that I appreciate friendship more than I used to, but that is probably cancelled out by my despising shallow relationships even more.
My boys have really gotten to see the human-ness of their father over the past 2 years, but I think that's ok. We are human, after all.
I know that after my last post about the robbery I said that I would write about the good that has come as a result of the robbery, and I haven't done that. To tell the truth, I'm no longer sure about the good that has come of the robbery. I like to try to put a positive spin on things, but after two years I'm not sure I can. Sometimes bad things happen, and it just sucks. This experience definitely sucked. I curse the day that guy tied me up, ordered me to my knees and put a gun to my head.
Please don't get me wrong. I live a good life and I feel fortunate in many ways, but that day was not a good day for me. It's been very hard for me to get beyond that day. I wonder if I ever will. I am at the stage where I must act like the events of that day never happened. Regardless, no one needs to feel sorry for me, I do have a great life otherwise.
I am gradually returning to my Christian-pacifist roots. Unfortunately most Christians around me are becoming more and more militant because of the current political climate, so this leaves me out in the cold.
Maybe through this post I can convince some people to be more gracious to others having a hard time getting through a life situation. Even others who don't appear on the surface to have a care in the world. That would be a good thing.
» left by sue thom from smt19233 (99 days 22 hours ago.)
hi eugene,
i think it's very helpful to do what you just did.
i know i feel better once i own a situation, and can move forward in a more positive way.
just like any other anniversary, you most probably will remember the date, but hopefully, it won't take as much out of you as each year passes.
trying not to think about things, in my own life, has only exaggerated the pain and confusion, i've needed to conquer it head on, in whatever way that was, and only then could i forget about it without guilt or shame or disbelief.
you are still healing, in my opinion, and you're doing the best you can.
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