I’m having a crisis. No, it’s not a mid-life crisis, although I’m learning this does affect how others view me and my masculinity. It’s over something that shouldn’t even be an issue. When I try to point out the truth, I’m quickly silenced and accused of being in denial. But I’m not. I know the facts. People just don’t want to believe me.
It has to do with whether or not I carry what my male friends call my “man bag".
Let me explain.
See, I’m a tech guy. I work with computers and all those things that make them tick. So it’s only natural that over time I would start to accumulate some of the cool toys I use in my work environment every day. I have my personal cell phone, my work Blackberry, my digital camera, my iPAQ, my Jukebox (MP3 player), and all the various power cables and headsets and earbuds necessary to utilize them. Which means I need something to carry all this stuff in. A briefcase is too big and unwieldy, and it’s not compartmentalized to keep all these high-tech gadgets from crashing into each other and causing serious damage as I travel around. Ditto for the backpack, which screams “GEEK!" in 72-point LCD font (or, if you’re wearing a short-sleeved white shirt and dark tie and riding a bicycle, maybe “CULT MEMBER!"). And I’ve seen those guys who just clip everything to their belts, a la Batman. They need to take a long hard look in the mirror at what all that hardware does to their backsides. Plumber’s crack is not a fashion statement I am willing to endorse!
I thought long and hard about the most practical way to make my hardware portable, keep it separated, and give easy access to whatever device I might need. After looking around at several stores, I found a camera case that had adjustable dividers so I could partition everything and keep things separate. It was durable and could take a licking without damaging my stuff. It was small enough to carry around easily and had zippered pouches and mesh pockets to store stuff in. And it looked really cool. I ditched the carrying strap because that looked, well, too purse-y. All I had to do was grab the handle and go!
So what was the problem? I didn’t recognize it as a problem at first. I just thought it was my male friends making lame attempts at being witty. “Danny, your purse is ringing," a close friend once joked when my cell phone went off at his home one evening. “Nice man bag" is a comment I hear regularly. Or how about, “Don’t forget your purse!" And then there’s, “Good color choice. Black really goes with your outfit!"
With friends like these, I don’t need enemies.
Trying to correct their misconception is, of course, useless. The explanation goes over their heads. The logo on the front of the case is clearly not something you’d see on a purse or handbag, but they don’t care. Like Beavis and Butthead, they’d rather giggle and chuckle and point and say, “Man bag. He said man bag. Heh-heh-heh-heh!"
I have to wonder if women went through this kind of “good natured ribbing", as one person put it, when they started wearing pants. “Hey, mister, nice suit! Oh, sorry, lady. I saw the pants and just assumed…!" (I’ll bet Katharine Hepburn taught more than one man to sing soprano after hearing comments like that!)
So anyway, does it bother me? It must, if I feel I have to defend myself over it. Or maybe it’s just that being the analytical, logical type, I want to make sure folks don’t jump to conclusions without all the facts. In any case, it has made me take another look at what I use to carry my stuff in, and consider possible alternatives. The problem is, I don’t know that the alternatives make me feel any more comfortable.
Oh, I’ve looked online, and I’ve looked in the stores. And I’ve looked at what guys are carrying on the streets. As Frank Barone would say, “Holy crap!" True man bags and man purses look almost exactly like the ladies’ version! No wonder guys (and gals) are making the derogatory comments! It didn’t take a whole lot of cognition to realize I had to find another option, and fast!
I could go with my idea above and ask the Caped Crusader if he’s got a spare utility belt. But then I’d probably be hearing more fashion comments (“Hey, where’s the purse to go with that belt?"). I could stuff everything into my pockets, but I’d need to talk to Bozo’s tailor to have pants made big enough to hold everything – and stripes don’t do anything for me. Maybe I could find a tool case with a foam-filled interior, and I could carve out crevasses for each of my toys. That’s not a bad idea, actually. It could look like a metal briefcase. No possibility of mistaking that bad boy for a man bag, no sir!
Or maybe I just need to find a blatantly obvious camera case and be done with it.
