It occurred to me today that there is a curse that surrounds being a stay-at-home mom. I know there are a lot of curses with choosing to be a stay-at-home mom, but in this instance I am talking about the need to continually validate one’s self. Let me explain.
I met another stay-at-home mom today at the park. Yes, the essential, much needed outdoor time! Anyhow, she began telling me how she had a Masters in finance and so on. I never viewed it as bragging or anything of the sort. Her testimony, or life story so to speak, was followed by me telling her the 23 jobs I perform a week so we could have a little extra money.
As I left, it dawned on me: Why is it that we stay-at-home moms always feel we have to justify the decision we made? Another woman at the park told me how she taught third grade, but had to give it up when she had the second child. Another mom that came later is an aerobics instructor. We always identify who we are by the positions we held in the past or the things we do in addition to raising our children now. Why is that?
Not that I am not guilty. I am dreading the start of tee ball practice because of one of the player’s mom. She is an engineer and she always remarks how nice it must be to have time at home. She will mention her weekly conference calls to Europe and how she is always on call, but how the money is so worth it. She throws up how much more her son knows than mine because he is still in the private school my son used to attend before I chose not to make as much money. I combat it not with how much my kids are benefitting from me being at home, or how hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom, but with “well, I have this new freelance job I am doing and this and this." Why do we do that?
So I am taking stock today and going to make a commitment to be proud of who I am, even if it is a stay-at-home mom. So here is my list of why stay-at-home moms should be proud of who they are not who they were.
We are raising our kids!
Yes, I know we lose our patience when the one-year-old is standing on the coffee table for the fifteenth time, making herself dizzy by spinning around in circles after you have asked her to get off. But we are there. We are the ones doing the discipline, consoling after boo boos. We are the ones that, as they get older and are approached with trouble, they will feel comfortable coming to and crying on our shoulder. Plus, we are getting to teach them, mold them and watch them grow. They grow up so fast and I made the mistake of missing it with my first-born while I worked. Now I know what an advantage it is.
We don’t have to worry about a childcare worker hurting our child, mistreating our child, or just not taking care of them like we want them to. I once picked up my baby in wet clothes from a very reputable private Christian daycare. When I asked why her clothes were wet I was told, “Oh honey, you know what happened? When I changed her diaper she wet before I got the new diaper on. I guess it got her clothes wet." I am still confused about how she could not see the three extra pairs of clothes in the cubby right by the changing table with her name on it.
Not to mention the times I would pick her up and they would say that they could not get her to wake up and eat, only to find out that they kept her in a swing all day. Ugh! Let’s face it- moms are better at raising their own children.
We are providing for our families
When I first became a stay-at-home mom, I had a woman say to me, “Now you will be able to be there for your husband." I thought, whatever, where have I been the last six years of our marriage? She was right. I was too caught up in my jobs and careers to even take a moment to know who my husband was let alone what he was involved in.
Now, I have the time to listen to him, listen to my kids, plan family dinners, outings and somewhat keep the chores caught up. Hey, I am not a miracle worker!
I have seen a huge difference in my family since I became a stay-at-home mom. My son knows I exist now and so does my husband, which is a plus. But I have seen us grow closer. We are still stressed for time, don’t get me wrong. Even families who have stay-at-home moms have responsibilities and stresses, but we deal with them better.
I feel like my life has real purpose
Don’t get me wrong, when I worked I felt important. But it was the wrong kind of importance. I feel like I am now fulfilling my God-given role. That is to be available emotionally and physically for my family. We evaluate the importance of things now. Before, I guess my vision seemed clouded. I was never sure what was more important –staying up doing lesson plans, giving the kids baths, doing laundry or looking at the stars with my kids. Oftentimes, my family and, sad to say, God were put after my job. It took me staying at home to realize they should not be in that position. Now God is first and everything else is viewed in that same manner.
There are a million more reasons we should be proud we are stay-at-home moms, from keeping our kids healthy to being home for them when they hit those awkward troubled teenage years that seem to get them in all sorts of trouble. Unfortunately, it would be impossible to list all of the reasons we should be proud.
I am sure I most likely pissed some working moms off with this article. Because when I worked, I would be just as mad after reading articles like this. Just remember, we are all trying to do what is best for our family. Maybe we all need to not wear our feelings on our sleeves and instead be proud of who we are. I am going to work hard at being proud to be a stay-at-home mom in the meantime.
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