My Children Are Leaving Home and There Is Nothing I Can Do About It by Jon Searles

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	My Children Are Leaving Home and There Is Nothing I Can Do About It
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	Submitted Sunday, August 30, 2009
	Jon Searles ^(2,087) Jon Searles Log in to become a member of Jon Searles's Fan Club!

Our second son just yesterday moved into his dorm room in college. He will be a freshman and start an adventure in meeting new people and working to find and define himself as a man.

For weeks I had planned on loading up all he needs and driving him to his new room. I was looking forward to touring the campus as the freshman and new students moved in. I wanted to meet his roommates, eat as a guest in the dining hall, and help to hook up his new laptop computer. We had taken his older brother just three years before to do the same thing when he left for college, so we were ready establish the ritual as a family tradition. I, the father, would take my son's to their new home and my wife would stay at home and quietly mourn the loss of our little boys to adulthood. It was a perfect plan and allowed me to stay emotionally strong (possibly detached) and in complete Dad control.

Who would have suspected that my middle son would have other plans for his dorm move in day. "Dad, a friend and I are going to drive to campus. That's okay isn't it?" At that point I had to determine if I was going to react with indignation as not being welcome on my son's journey or whether I was going to be proud of my son's initiative and self sufficiency. I chose the latter, although I have nagging feelings of abandonment.

I cannot completely describe the emotion involved when my son drove away with his belongings packed carefully into two small suitcases and three white trash bags. Pride? Sadness? Loss? Excitement? I've never worried about the physical strength of my 250lb 5'11" son-man who can lift his father with one hand. I have always wondered whether I have prepared my sons emotionally. Many nagging questions overwhelm my thoughts.

1. Will they make build strong and lasting friendships?

2. Will they make good decisions when faced with the pressures of alcohol, drugs, and sex?

3. Will they treat people (especially young women) with respect?

4. Will they set goals and priorities?

I want them to be men of integrity and strong character that people like and admire. I want them to be lacking in nothing as men who are self reliant, strong in conviction, and unwavering in moral code.

With that in mind and in the spirit of full disclosure, I must tell you that my middle son is going to college only 30 minutes from the house. You may smile, you may laugh, but it is tough for me to let go. I did not pick the school for him but his mother and I did suggest he move out and begin growing as an adult. My oldest son chose a college four hours north and leaves next week to study in Dublin Ireland so there is only so much average distance we can take between us at one given time.

Our daughter, who is our youngest and presumably the next to move on to college has a little bit of a problem with Dad. I insist on being there to move her in to her college dorm. I will meet her roommates, eat at the dining hall, hook up her lap top computer, and establish myself to the young men on campus as the protector of my princess. My only hope is that there is a spare room for her mother and me to move in with her.

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» left by Brianna Popsickle (70 days 5 hours ago.)

I loved your article, only because I can totally identify, except from a mother's perspective. We will be taking our youngest back to university for his second year, two hours from us, tomorrow. My daughter will be leaving the following week for her fourth year, (two hours away as well). Many mixed emotions. But surprisingly enough, I am more excited for them than sad for my own sense of loss. Life goes on, children grow up, and things change for everyone. We found the changes can be good! I think it's great your son has the confidence to go off with a friend. Maybe he would rather say his goodbyes at home rather than in a dorm in front of everyone too. :) Sounds like you raised him well and I'm sure he will be all that you hope for and more. Hang in there Jon, it get's easier!

» left by Jon Searles ^(2,104)
Jon Searles (69 days 23 hours ago.)

Brianna,

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I guess I need to find a new hobby since sporting events and school functions are so few now with only one in the house. Thank you for reading

» left by Sean M Kelly ⁽²²⁶⁾
Sean M Kelly (69 days 10 hours ago.)

Hi Jon

I've 4 kids and they're a bit younger than yours - ages 8-12. My eldest has just started secondary school (high school) so there has been a bit of a change at home - its a bit quieter! I have to say on reading your article it reminded me about how important it is to enjoy the years with the kids while they are growing up. Then when the time comes for them to leave, we can feel very satisfied that we were there for them as you were. Enjoyed your article, so thanks for sharing.

I'm also Irish so I'm sure your child will do well in her/his college in Dublin, Ireland!

Carpe Diem

Sean M Kelly

» left by Jon Searles ^(2,104)
Jon Searles (63 days 23 hours ago.)

Dublin has started out well according to my oldest son. Wish I were there with him to enjoy a warm beer. Thanks for reading.

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