When I place my order at the local pizza establishment, the staff have become so accustomed to my strange request that I am greeted with comments such as, " Oh, it's you again!" or " Ah yes, I am normally in the kitchen when that order comes in" and " Yours is the special pizza isn't it?"
So, what exactly is a special pizza? Well for me it's a deep pan pizza crust with just bacon on it. That's right, no cheese, and no tomato, in fact no to anything else other than the bacon and pizza crust.
I can see the furrowed brows; I can hear the exclamations of horror and I can anticipate the giggles of amusement but it's my special pizza, okay?
Perhaps a little background information will help, or maybe it won't! I have been what many would describe as an awkward eater since I was a young boy. I prefer to refer to it as a disability that hampers my social (eating) life and has the potential to produce embarrassing moments in public. I have super sensitive taste buds you see and anything with strong flavour is rejected at the point of entry! There are theories as to why I may have this "condition" but nothing scientific so I just grin and bear it.
Can you imagine what a nightmare Brussels sprouts were when my mother used to insist I stay at the table until I had cleared my plate? Thankfully, she has mellowed a little now I am in my thirties and my wife is a little more forgiving! I know I am not alone in my loathing of sprouts and I have often considered setting up some kind of " Brussels Sprout Haters Anonymous" club. If any of you would like to join let me know and perhaps we can form our own social networking site!
Anyway, I digress....awkward eater....special pizza. When I "dine" out, unfortunately my standard order is fries (or potato of some description), bread and a drink. That's It! Do you know how many restaurants cater for that kind of menu in the UK ? Not many, that's how many. Of course bread and potatoes must be difficult for any kitchen to rustle up, so rare are the ingredients!
A few days ago at a nameless fast food joint, I attempted to order a chicken, bacon and lettuce sandwich, minus the chicken, so what does that make it, a lettuce and bacon sandwich, or as I like to call it a " BLT without the T!".
Honestly, how complicated does that sound? The first question the guy serving me asked was, " Obviously you want the chicken with that?" " Umm, actually no!" We then went through a ridiculous procedure of working out what he could charge me on the till that didn't have the option to simply remove the chicken from a chicken sandwich!
When he finally worked out that he could only charge me full chicken sandwich price, he then had to relay this information to the kitchen and three chicken sandwiches, (fully packed with, yes, you guessed it, chicken!) much bemusement and a dose of rudeness later, I finally received a bacon and lettuce sandwich, with COLD bacon!
You must forgive my sarcasm but after thirty odd years this becomes more than a little tiresome. I am not ungrateful; I survive just fine at home and am able to concoct a reasonably healthy diet.
I just think there is very little sympathy for people with this kind of problem. I guess you could call what I have, an eating disorder of some kind, albeit a minor one. I hate to think of the trouble and hassle people with other eating disorders or special dietary requirements have to endure.
I know many restaurants make an effort these days to cater for as many dietary variations as possible but I have lost count of the amount of embarrassing situations I have been through because of being a so called "awkward eater".
Anyway, food rant over, Have a nice day! ( Would you like fries with that??)
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Currently studying freelance journalism, Julian is a creative writer and poet and writes both professionally and for pleasure. Professionally, Julian writes articles for an internet marketing company and although he is often restricted by topic, his writing still maintains his own unique style. He has written a series of heartfelt and impartial articles about the success and controversy surrounding the electronic cigarette. He has found the discipline involved with this work to be a great writing exercise and believes it enhances and improves the rest of his writing. Julian's articles at Searchwarp are of a much more personal nature, where he feels he can express his views and interests in the world around him.
Oddly enough, strange as your eating habits are and the descriptions of the food you like to eat, your article made me hungry. I could honestly go for a pizza with nothing but bacon on it right about now. I'm the opposite of you, I eat everything and anything. Thanks for sharing your deep, dark secret with us.
Once you go bacon pizza, you never go back! Hope you went and raided the freezer after reading, dont want to be held responsible for any malnourishment on searchwarp! Thanks Brianna!
I too am very much a fan of bacon pizza, mine with cheese, no sauce and bacon. I love as well BLTs minus theT. I can go to any restaurant in town and they take my order but my sandwich arrives with the T, every time. Hahaha. oh how do these people function at all! Comical, thanks for the laugh, I though it was just me that had to deal with such things...
I have quite a number of food allergies that make it very difficult for me to eat out, but at least when I do the food tastes good to me.
I think I saw something about your condition on a Nova Science NOW or something like that. You probably have a double dose (from both your mom and dad) of a gene that lets you taste bitter way better than most folks. As far as I know, there is no cure. Sorry. :)
I enjoyed your "rant" and as one ranter to another ... well done or is that medium well.
Hi Dianne, Thanks for the comment...I think (now you have told me I am beyond help and cure!lol). Laughing aside, it is interesting to hear about others who also have struggles with eating out. Probably more common than we think. Thanks, your fellow ranter...Julian
No worries Ken, I knew what you meant, was just being cheeky! I agree with you, it is amazing when you find a good bit of customer service these days! Cheers.
Thanks for sharing, Julian ~ the television show "Monk" came to mind while reading your article and I love that show and his pecularities ~ I agree with Dianne ~ the condition most likely is gene driven and not psychological.. I confess that I would eat bacon on everything if I weren't such a health nut ~ I do take turkey bacon on occasion and smother it with pepper corns to give it more flavor and then fry it to a crisp ~ that's just me and you are who you are and that certainly is acceptable. Hey, it's okay!! Have a great holiday! Suzy
p.s. have you ever popped corn in bacon grease?...a "no, no" but so yummy.
Hi Suzy, thanks for reading and commenting. So it seems i am stuck with this bacon pizza disease but hey it could worse dont ya think?!! Never tried the corn in bacon grease thing...corn another one of those not on the "can eat" list! lol Thanks again..Julian
I have a high sensitivity to corn but can eat it sparingly but sometimes, I forget that I am and it goes into a craving thing ~ just to share a fun line from my friend, Ricardo, whom I was sharing some of the stories on front page of SW, and he said that a turd would taste good wrapped in bacon LoL!!! He is a bit of nut...carry on and I couldn't make out the new pic as my monitor needs replacing and doesn't pick up all the angles of light. Later! Suz
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