How many of you out there are into unimaginative, bump-and-grind, let's-get-it-over-with automaton-like sex, if you engage in sex at all? How many? Let me see a show of hands. Ha-ha! Just like I thought.
Many of you are so hung up and inhibited that sex is something akin to changing the oil in your car. You do it periodically without enjoyment because it's expected. It's not something you take serious or have any pride or commitment in, is it?
You make love just like you play baseball, lousy. You make love the same way you prepare and eat your food, and conduct yourself at work day after miserably long, intolerable day. With no flair, no wit, no imagination, no variety as the spice of life. In other words, you're a lot like a slug under the garden plant pot, dragging along a fraction inch a day.
You want to achieve something beyond just being a dullard who uses sex only to reproduce another human being, and we know how boring that can be, about as fun as replacing the filters in your ceiling duct.
If you're a memorable person, you want sex to be explosive, spontaneous, bizarre, unpredictable, using costumes, or kitchen utensils, whatever comes to hand. My new CD and booklet, "You Too Can Achieve Sexual Nirvana Though the Use of Everyday Household Items," shows you how.
For example, use bubble wrap, you know, that shipping stuff that has lots of little air-filled bubbles. Lay three sheets of it on a hard surface, then engage in the wildest sex of your life. The bubbles pop like the Fourth of July. The explosions, hundreds of tiny crackles and bursts, are like firecrackers going off your behind.
Talk about a turn-on! It's very patriotic also.
A word to the wise. You must be heavy enough to set off (pop) the bubbles. If you are anorexic, it won't work. If you are thin, eat three cheeseburgers before trying this.
My new CD kit shows you how.
You may also use the bubble wrap as an X-rated costume. Standing naked over your partner, you wrap the bubble wrap around your mid-section, which makes it now appear as a high-tech utility belt for a space alien. Then in a low commanding voice you say, "I am Vishtar, the thing from Venus. Submit to my commands."
What an incredible turn-on.
Bubble wrap can also be placed around the wrists and ankles.
With my new kit and CD, you learn all the tricks, techniques that have been personally tried out by myself, with highly successful results. It's all here for you. Only $69.95.
If you order today you will receive as a free extra, my brochure on how you can turn a common kitchen spatula into a highly erotic love teaser using olive oil and an ice cream scooper.
I also show you how to take a simple bungee chord and hooking it from the ceiling, create a harness that allows weightless flight of your love partner in a pinwheel motion just above your body. All hardware and attachments are included.
I'll bet you you haven't made love in every room in the house including the bathroom. See, I was right. Just doing it in one room. Boring! Boring!
With, You Too Can Achieve Sexual Nirvana Through the Use of Everyday Household Items; I walk you through the process. For example, did you know that a simple egg beater can be used in 105 ways to trigger erogenous zones?
I'll bet you didn't.
Order my kit today. While supplies last.
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