Having trouble with your child following your direction? Is your child disobedient and unruly? How much discipline is too much?
One thing to keep in mind with children is they are not dogs; they are not pets. So they won't respond to the same discipline as your pet german shepherd. Use the guideline of how you would like to be treated and treat them likewise.
The goal in raising children is to have them think for themselves, be self-determined and have a good sense of values. In most cases, children know what is right or wrong. Usually by experience or by watching your example or even by thinking things through, they will decide the best action for themselves. When they don't, they are usually trying to assert that they are right and you are wrong, or they have incorrect data or not enough data. So if you punish your child severely for something they did wrong, they may continue the wrong action just to prove you are wrong in what you did.
The best way to raise a child to think for themselves is by setting a good example, providing your child with ample correct data, and by increasing your communication with that child. Your communication with him should show that you respect him as an individual, you trust him and you value him as a being. By keeping this in mind, you will find he will shine and do the right thing. And if he falls short of that once in a while, remember that you have probably fallen short of your ideals occasionally too. Treat him as you would have liked to be treated when you made a mistake in judgment.
A useful thing to do as a parent is to write down a guideline of what you want from your child and how you want to be treated if you were to stray from that ideal yourself. Then let your child know what you expect of him and how he will be treated when he blunders. Give him enough data. Let him know what the consequences are of certain actions.
Go ahead and write down a list of various actions the child might do that would need correction. Then write down what you propose to do to correct that action or behavior. For example, child steals another kids toy. If this child is a toddler, he doesn't have enough data perhaps. You might want to substitute another item that does belong to the child, letting him know that the toy he took belongs to another child and here is his own. Or he could ask to play with the other kids toy and offer his own for the other to play with in the meantime. If he is older, you might want him to have a look at what he is trying to solve by taking that toy. Have him suggest better ways of solving it.
As you can see, the handlings are gentle and lead more toward the goal of raising a child who is self determined, can think for himself and has a sense of good values.
Be kind, Be consistent, And most of all be loving and helpful.
Linda has two children of her own and eight grandkids. She has worked closely with children for 25 years, including some who were difficult to handle. One of her writing achievements is a child's picture book called Spider in Our Mailbox which you can find on her writing website: http://lindaswritingweb.com .
Linda Asato is an entrepreneur in many ways. She has moved up from multitasking to megatasking! As well as writing books, articles and whatever else she can get her hands on to do in the writing field, she edits for other authors, teaches piano, plants gardens, designs several websites and markets them, and contributes to the local organic permaculture group and helps her daughter part time with her Dead Sea Skin Care line (Deluvia) and Mineral Cosmetics line (Demure). These products can be found at www.deluviausa.com. Her writing site can be viewed at http://lindaswritingweb.yolasite.com.
Linda, very good article. I have found, self-discipline and consistant are a good tool. What we want our child to learn, they have to see us. Children do not do what you say, they do what they see you do. What helped me was my parents were what they wanted me to be. Of course I am 65 now and times have changed. I passed it on to mine and found when they went out on their own, they came back eventually to what I had said and did. But, life is rude, we must still try. Very good article.
You are absolutely right in my opinion. I am in my 60s also and my parents were nearly perfect examples - at least in my eyes. And when in trouble, I go back to how my parents would have handled it. Thank you for the comments.
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