Do you remember the golden days of commercials--when television advertising was candid and appeared innocent? For an example of decent straightforward wholesomeness, we saw in the late 1970's, Mrs. Brady, the beautiful Florence Henderson, imploring us to buy Wesson Oil. Even when The Flintstones advertised cigarettes during the turbulent 60's, at least this was direct and unambiguous (long before cigarettes were labeled the cancer sticks they are). I miss the forthright advertising of yesteryear.
A commercial is intended to solicit a consumer to purchase a company's marketable goods; in other words, a television commercial is intended to sell a product to a consumer. Over the past few decades, it appears that the educational level of commercial writing has been written to appeal to the consumer who they believe has the IQ equivalency of the writer's shoe size, and the attention span of a ten year old. With that assumption and after absorbing countless hours perusing the boob tube this past year, I have formulated a few questions and comments regarding burgers, dog food, male enhancement, on-line dating commercials, with one cliche'd movie review thrown in for good measure. When mixed all together gives the viewer an epitome of 2009 marketing campaigns seen (scene) in a slightly different view.
Burger King: A couple of years ago, I published an article entitled, "The Burger King is an Emotional Terrorist." I continue to stand by my thesis statement: The Burger King is plain scary! Today I am convinced that the writers of all the Burger King commercials are working for Wendy's. One of their latest commercials has two men seated on a park bench with abnormally small hands, and so begins the word/pun play. One of the men states, "I wish I could eat this burger, but I have these tiny hands," furthermore, "A man's gotta play with the hand he is dealt." Of course they show the Burger King Whopper too big to hold, and it appears quite scrumptious. But folks, its just plain weird!
In another Oscar-worthy scripted piece of television gold, we have an actor enveloped in the creepy Burger King mask dancing to Sir Mix-A-Lot's, "Baby's Got Back", while singing and dancing, "I like square butts" in homage to Sponge Bob Square Pants, inanely trying to sell ninety-nine cent kid's meals to our children. Wow! Let's mix (pardon the pun) a lovable and educational children's cartoon and add a song loaded with sexual innuendo; and let us not forget the creepy-masked Burger King (for flavor) to tempt our kids' passion. We are basically telling our kids that sex and food are one and the same. Come on, what's going on here? Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nopKDuydRo
Enzyte: Finally! An over-the-counter pill that allows a man to last longer (and become bigger) during intimate encounters. Who would have ever thought of such a miracle drug? If we believe Enzytes commercials, we will be smiling all day long just like Smiling Bob. The manufacturer has claimed Enzyte promotes "natural male-enhancement", which is suggestive of a euphemism for penile enlargement. Of course, we all know we can't buy a pill to make any of our appendages grow larger. Probably, the only thing growing larger with Smiling Bob is his nose and smile while he is cashing Enzyte checks.
Pedigree Dog Food: Ahhh! How nice! A dog food that allows your dog to go to the bathroom regularly, all the while listening to the voice-over of David Duchovny. This makes me wonder why they used an X-Files actor. Maybe this dog food does more than we are told. Maybe its from outer (uh..er...inner) space. Since when are we concerned about our dogs going to the bathroom? I'm just glad they don't poop in the house; I could care less if they are regular or not. The company tells us that it is good, but if you are not Doctor Doolittle, how are you ever going to know? I am sure I could get the same results with a chopped wiener mixed with some 'all-fiber' cereal.
On-Line Booty Call.Com: Now, I saved the best for last. I love this commercial! It is played during the late evening for a more mature audience after 10 pm. (Don't they know pubescents never sleep?) No, I don't agree with premarital sex but I find this slice of commercial idolatry great!
Anyway, it shows a young couple out on a date with the guy looking bored as his date states the following, "Tell me about your core values." The guy looks totally disgusted, prompted by the view of a more scantily clad female across the room asking her date, "Do you wanna make out?" Then the commercial announcer states something to the effect, "Do you want to cut to the chase? You don't have to promise marriage. Call On-Line Booty Call.Com."
The commercial writers are suggesting that the disgusted guy met his date at E Harmony.com or some other dating site, and the fun-loving (about to make out and more) couple met at On-Line Booty Call.Com. I love this! This is 'passion-branding' marketed at its finest. Appeal to the puberty-ridden young adult. Yeah! Way to go Satan! Let's forget our morals and go for the quick-fix! We can temporarily lose ourselves and forget society's order and even Our Lord's order of marriage, and "cut to the chase" if we believe the announcer.
Maybe if the commercial were to play for another couple of minutes, we might get to see the OBC dating couple a few months down the road when they are frantically watching commercials for over-the-counter "booty remedies."
Twilight: My last observation is not a commercial, but a call out to America to WAKE UP and stop wasting time on horrible movies! I lost approximately an hour and a half of my life while viewing Twilight the other day. Another tween-vampire-romance-movie, Joy! Has this not been done time and time again? More importantly, I KNOW it has been done better by Joss Whedon with the Buffy and Angel t.v. series. OMG, how many times is the young female going to fall for the dark and brooding vampire? How many more times can they, let's say, suck the blood out of a dead concept?
While composing this article, I have been trying to express my findings without being too critical. My point is this, American consumers are being pressed for time and are being persuaded to cut corners (and morals) and "cut to the chase" in order to save precious time.
We have to ask ourselves two questions: What is the real message behind all of these time-saving, fast, easy, cheap, and solicitous ads? And, what really is lurking behind the mask of The Burger King? I'm willing to bet it is sure not Smiling Bob.
George "Chris" Cole experienced life as a law enforcement officer with a tour of duty lasting over ten years in law enforcement. He is the survivor of two marriages, and continues to meet new people that provide inspiration for many of his articles and short stories. Many of his articles have appeared in national and local publications.
In 2008, Chris abandoned West Texas and its' "Wal-Mart Trees" (Mesquite bushes that grow plastic bags) to move to the green pastures and real trees of Fredericksburg, Texas. Chris continues to work and hone his writing skills while breathing the fresh air of the hill country.
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