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Why do people continue to get married? Lord knows I have nothing against marriage; The Frontiersman and I just celebrated our forty-fourth wedding anniversary. I'm stating it loosely when I say celebrated, but I digress.
The fact is that on average, today's divorce rate is anywhere between 41% and 50 %, depending on which statistical reporting company you believe, yet everyday the unwary and the under prepared march down the aisle and jump into a lifelong commitment that has no guarantee, no trade-in policy and no money back guarantee. In this medically high tech society, that could be one hell of a long time. People who marry in their early twenties will no doubt be kicking up their heels well into their eighties. If luck is on their side, that marriage could last sixty years. What else do you know that lasts sixty years...cars, appliances, TVs? No way!
In some cases there's no coherent reason for the commitment other than, "When we walk hand-in-hand, the world becomes a wonderland...it's magic".
It should be pointed out that "magical wonderland" period is a very short duration. The poor husbands, married over one year, who look for the "fantastic things that begin when I'm in your arms", are usually told, "Not now for God's sake, I have to change the baby!"
I think it's actually a good thing that the starry eyes of romance do die down. Could you imagine being married for fifty or sixty years and seeing, "rainbows when there isn't any rain"? People would think you're a little bit daft.
If you want to get a drivers license, you have to take an eye test, a written test and a road test. In some cases it might be advisable for couples about to be married to undergo an eye test and maybe they should have to write an essay explaining what it is they see in each other. If they had to sit down and think about it and put it on paper, it might deter some of the more hasty weddings.
I think the real test would be to have an engaged couple live for one month in a two bedroom apartment and care for three kids under the age of six, two of whom have colds, runny noses and fevers for two weeks 'round the clock, plumbing problems and a puppy that no one has time to house train. This would be a real test of their "love", not to mention the real parents of the three kids could take their first real vacation in six years, which would be a real boost for their marriage.
The most common reasons for marriages breaking up are sex, in-laws and lack of money. It's really how people handle these issues that determine whether they stay together or not.
Men just don't have the finesse to say the right things to women for more than three years. Therefore, I believe you should date for three years before even considering marriage.
I have a friend whose husband is an absolute saint. Oscar treats Ophelia's mother like a queen, but the last time Mrs. Asparagus visited, Ophelia made a wonderful Death By Chocolate cheesecake for dessert. Oscar suddenly became a long-time husband. No one knows what came over him, but he commented that Ophelia's hips were getting as wide as her mother's and maybe she should lay off the rich desserts for a while. Life was not good for Oscar for the next week or so. Ophelia refused to speak to Oscar, doors were slamming and things were generally tense. Since then, Oscar is slowly learning there are better ways of saying things.
There should be some sort of classes for young married men and better yet, young about-to-be married men, to teach them the correct way to talk to their wife. I have some ideas for the curriculum, but until The Frontiersman starts getting some 'A's, I'm not sure I've got the modules right. We'll keep working on it; as I said, we've only been married forty-four years.
This is delightful as usual. There are some men, however, who seem to know how to talk to women (or at least write e-mails to them). Did you watch Jay Leno last night at catch the bit he did with Bill Maher?
Anyway, I loved your article. Actually, I love them all.
Thank you so much, Dianne. You and other readers like you are the reason I love this blog site; you all are so encouraging.
I didn't see Jay Leno last night, he's a riot though. Men are an odd breed, but then they think women are an odd breed. Do you think God did that as a joke?
this was an entertaining, while true article. i was just divorced 6 months ago, after 2 years in the court system, and it was the cruelest part of my life. the whole time, i also kept thinking to myself, "why do they make it so hard to get divorced, and so easy to get married?" i believe it should be the other way around.
i actually had 3 of those babies under 5, and my ex was away 2 weeks, and home 2. there were many days and nights i thought i'd lose my mind, and maybe i did:)
I'm so sorry to hear the situation you were caught up in but hopefully life will get better for you now. I'll keep you in my prayers. My son-in-law went through a very heart wrenching divorce, but his kids are 21 and 21 now, so things are beginning to get easier in one way except he 'lost' all that time while they were growing up...his ex took the girls and moved to a different state so it was hard for him to see them as they were growing up. He was military. He just had to stay focused on the fact that they were doing well and growing into fine young women; that they loved him no matter what their mom told them and some day they would be able to make their own decisions. We all encouraged him in those thoughts and welcomed the girls into our home whenever they were able to visit.
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