As you know, being able to inspire confidence in a woman is one of the "Big Four" traits that define success with women in general.
Lately, the more that I think about it, I'm becoming more and more convinced that the third component-inspiring confidence in her-is the linchpin in the entire sequenceespecially when it comes to getting past the "platonic stage" of a relationship.
We all know it's "safety first" when it comes to HAVING sex.
But it's also "safety first" when it comes to GETTING to the point of a sexual relationship AT ALL.
Essentially, it goes like this.
I think we're well acquainted with the stereotypes regarding what men and women usually push for when meeting MOTOS (Members Of The Opposite Sex).
While men are usually viewed as wanting to get women into bed FAST, women are seen as wanting to rope men into long-term relationships ASAP.
But here's the thing: Those stereotypes don't necessarily hold true all the time, do they?
Sometimes a guy will meet a particularly amazing woman, and push VERY HARD to make her his girlfriendalmost immediately. I think we can all relate to that one, at least at some level.
Moreover, we've all heard reports time and again from guys with pretty good "game" that women are actually AS MUCH into sex IF NOT MORE than we as guys are. Yet for many us as men, that statement flat-out doesn't add up. Some of us just haven't seen the reality of it in the REAL WORLD, so we CAN'T relate to it.
Well, what if I told you that I believe NEITHER "desire for sex" NOR "need for security/safety" were gender specific?
That's right. BOTH men and women want sex. And BOTH men and women have to feel "safe", too.
And I firmly believe that SAFETY is essentially a "barrier" that is necessary to clear away before a sexual relationship is possible.
So if things are so SIMILAR between men and women, how come they're so, umDIFFERENT so often when the rubber meets the road?
Simple. Women are WAY, WAY more often the ones who FEAR for their safety when interacting with MOTOS.
As I've said before, the man a woman needs to feel protected from THE MOST is the one SHE'S WITH.
That's YOU, man. So she's got to know first that she can TRUST you not to harm her, and then that you've got HER best interests at heart.
We also know that women are almost universally attracted to a man who can lead.
They also want a man with ambition--you knowA PLAN. Knowing you are that kind of a guy frees a woman up to WORRY LESS about both the present AND the future.
Meanwhile, what about us as guys?
Hardwired to be driven by ambition ourselves and unencumbered by the potential for threat to our personal security when with a woman, SAFETY IS NOT SO MUCH OF AN ISSUE.
We just don't need it from a woman, at least in the physical sense. And if we have the audacity to want a woman to "support us", we end up feeling like less of a man.
Argue with me if you must, but I know exactly zero guys who gain any sense of fulfillment from that situation.
In fact, think of it this way: If a guy depends on a woman for ANY SORT of safety, even in the "short term" when initially meeting her or on a date with her, how does he come off?
You got it: NEEDY and/or INSECURE.
And what happens when THAT'S the case? Right again: NO SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP.
Is this all starting to make sense?
Well, here's the most breathtaking part of all.
Who are the women who tend to "break the mold" when it comes to being as eager for sex as early and often in a relationship as most men?
That's right. It's the women who are SELF-SUFFICIENT. It's the women who have learned to be largely dependent upon THEMSELVES for safety and security.
Single women who are a bit older, have experienced a divorce and/or are raising children on their own have been there, done that, and learned to find their way in the world WITHOUT a man around.
And they're precisely the ones who are often cited as being more likely to be sexually aggressiveand WAY sooner than other women.
Think of the whole "MILF" concept and you've got a prime example of what I mean.
I've experienced this phenomenon myself when dating women who fit any or all of the criteria I listed above.
In fact, I remember observing MORE OFTEN THAN NOT that thirtysomething divorced mommies pretty much fit the MALE STEREOTYPE of coming off as "sex focused".
It's as if to them all the women repeating the mantra about "not needing a man" are simply trying to talk themselves into feeling that way (because they are!)
Meanwhile, all it takes to ignite such a woman sexually is to ignite her femininity with your masculinity. Assuming you can get past the EASIEST part of making her feel safe-that is, that you're not likely to be an axe murderer or otherwise harm her in any way physically-IT'S ON.
Confidence and masculinity (aka the first two components of the "Big Four") are mostly all it takes when dealing with a woman who can "fend for herself" in the world.
But just don't be CAUGHT DEAD depending on her for security. She won't be in the mood to "carry you" in that way.
In fact, such will undermine your masculinity, of course, meaning (ironically enough) you'll be disqualified in her mind as anything more than "just a friend".
And here's a hint: If you HAVE been out with thirtysomething single moms and found them to be sexually reserved and tentative, then it's time to look in the mirror. You MAY be "failing to deploy" more than you've ever thought.
Do you still need more proof that what I'm talking about, as amazing as it sounds, may actually be rooted in some semblance of reality?
Consider ye olde reliable Maslow's hierarchy of human needs. What resides directly above "safety needs" on the pyramid?
Yepsexuality. Clear the "safety hurdle", and it's ALL ABOUT GETTING SEXUAL NEEDS MET from there.
This is for real, gentlemen. It's 100% imperative that you cause a woman to feel safe and secure with you. And as a man it's equally necessary to be self-dependent for one's OWN safety and security.
But you've always known both of those thingsas least in principle. Now you're armed with the frame of reference as to WHY it's all the case, and how it all fits together.
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