Last week I revealed five key strategies for making sure phone numbers turn in to actual first meetings.
After all, even though so much PUA teaching focuses on getting the number, you can't really count yourself as enjoying REAL success with women unless, wellyou're enjoying the company of REAL women. In REAL LIFE.
But I'd argue that simply getting to that first meeting isn't what it's all about either. In order to truly be the CHOOSER rather than the CHASER, it has to be YOU who decides whether the second date (and I'd say it's fine to call it a "date" at this point) happens or not.
And for that to be the case, of course, you've got to make sure SHE wants it to happen no matter what.
Here are five ways to run a first meeting that dramatically increase your odds of that being the case:
1) Have A Plan
By this I mean slightly more than simply not "winging it". Obviously that's a loser.
I'm also talking about coming up with something more creative than a "Blockbuster night" here.
Your plan doesn't have to be expensive. In fact, dropping a bunch of cash on fancy dinners, etc. during first meetings can actually backfire on you, creating a high-pressure situation that makes a woman feel like "payback" is going to be expected later. Creepy.
But you DO have to do your homework and set up a plan that maximizes interaction between the two of you while minimizing pressure and stress.
If you've become a master of your metro area, as discussed in a recent newsletter, this should be no problem. Simply keep your eye on the city event calendar and keep that running list of great places to potentially take a woman.
And when you discover winning combos, RECYCLE them. It's okay, I promise.
2) Self-Preparation
Let's face it, it's a good idea to bring your "A game" to a first meeting.
This means you've got to GET READY for it.
In the physical sense, this means showing up clean and with fresh breath, of course.
So going directly from a long day at work to a "happy hour" meeting with a woman is probably not the best idea.
After all, if that's what's going on you probably didn't even get a chance to change out of your company logo polo shirt and into some more stylish threads. Ouch.
But you've also got to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally, too.
Another great reason not to schedule first meetings right after work is that you'll likely need some time to "decompress", lest you carry the stresses of the workplace with you into the evening.
If at all possible, be sure to plan ahead and get a decent night's sleep so you won't be sluggish and/or cranky.
Oh, and don't confuse "preparation" with "obsessing". Clear your mind of negative thoughts and worry. Visualize yourself having a great time with a great woman.
3) Low Pressure Greeting
One of the most potentially awkward moments of a first meeting is right at the beginning, when you're greeting each other.
I'm often asked whether a guy should shake a woman's hand or hug her when he first meets herespecially if you've met her online and have literally never even seen her before.
Well, the answer is "no".
That's right, you don't have to even MAKE that decision. Simply say, "You must be [name]. Glad you're here. Hey, let's grab a seat."
Now granted, if she lunges at you wanting a big bear hug or something, roll with it. Don't treat the poor chick like she's got cooties for the sake of "procedure".
But that said, were she to hold out her hand, I'd make some light joke about welcoming her to the "board meeting" while shaking it. With a smile, of course.
4) Kick Off The "Comfort Conversation"
What's one of the most dreaded first meeting scenarios? You got it: That ridiculous stream of "interview questions".
But I'll tell you straight-up, if you don't lead the conversation elsewhere proactively-and as quickly as possible-that's EXACTLY where she's likely to go, if left to her own devices.
And seriously, it's a lot better to figure out if the two of you even GET ALONG during a first meeting than it is to delve into religion, politics and/or family planning. Believe me.
So what's a brother to do?
Simple solution: Pay attention to what's going on in the world or even listen to the talk radio station (not to be confused with the sports talk station) while on the way to meet her. Make mental notes of what might spark interesting conversation.
You can even check out the front page of Digg before she arrives. ANYTHING to generate potential topics.
Then, as SOON as the two of you get settled in wherever you are jump RIGHT INTO a conversation, asking her if she's heard about it or what she thinks about it.
And when you hear ten minutes later something to the effect of, "WowI've only known you for ten minutes but it seems like we've known each other for TEN YEARS!", that will have been exactly the point of it all.
If she's comfortable with you, that's half the task at hand. Really.
5) Create "Flirtation Space"
So what's the OTHER most dreaded first meeting scenario?
That would be when things degenerate from "interview" to REALLY seeming like a board meetinghandshake or not.
That's right, the two of you spend the time talking about the weather and other inert or flat-out lame-o topics.
Look gentlemen, neither one of you are there because you're looking forward to a platonic friendship. Both of you are hoping that there's a spark of attraction, right?
The greatest gift you can give yourself on a first meeting is to realize that women actually LIKE to flirt. And as we've covered in the past, all flirting really entails is ANY conversation or activity that would feel seriously WRONG if directed at someone of the gender you're NOT sexually interested in.
That's ALL there is to it.
But complicating matters is the fact that most of us as guys are pretty much paranoid of "scaring" women or "oppressing" women with overbearing sexuality.
Well, if you relax, avoid crowding her 18" airspace and keep things more playful than overtly sexual for now, I can all but guarantee she'll be having a great time sooner than later.
I call this unbeatable combination of flirtation and attention to her comfort level "creating flirtation space".
Bring up light subjects, tease and banter a bit, and generally make it a point to loosen up. Enjoy the fact she's a woman and make sure she knows she's with a man who might be both interesting and interested.
Contrast all of this with talking about death and destruction, punctuating every sentence with "my precious", making weird slurping noises between breaths and/or staring at her for two full minutes at a time without blinking. I think you get the point.
It also helps to understand the difference between "showing potential interest" and "pre-approving her goddess like perfection". Think "choose" rather than "chase" at all times, and you'll be WAY ahead of 99% of the other guys she's hung out with lately.
You know, to be perfectly frank, there really is a sixth strategyand it's all-important: Unless you want a permanent address in the "just be friends" zone zip code, you're also going to have to show up to a first meeting with your masculinity intact.
By this, I'm pretty sure I mean this in the figurative as well as the literal sense.
And in all actuality, this concept transcends the first meeting. You'll need to show up to every FUTURE date with your masculine mojo in high gear too.
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