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Here's a simplified method you can put to use the next time a quarrel arises in your relationship that may help to put things back into perspective and allow the two of you to reach an amicable conclusion.
1. Admit that you are upset.
2. Restrain your emotions.
3. Explain the cause of your anger.
4. Seek a resolution.
Ok, I know that seems overly simplified but if you will break it down into those four steps when you approach a conflict within your relationship, it will be much easier to work through it together.
By admitting that you are upset, this lets you breathe a sigh of relief. You are not holding it in any more. You are upset, you have told your partner that you are upset and now you won't have to walk around letting the pressure build up like a tea kettle.
You've already let some of the pressure go when you admitted you're upset. You know that you are going to work through the four steps to resolution so you can be relieved, not angrier. Take a deep breath and prepare yourself to intelligently express yourself in a way that is not provocative by pointing fingers, casting blame or putting your partner in a position that makes them feel defensive.
Keeping your cool and using the same tone of voice which you might tell someone that you were sleepy or tired. Remain calm and don't let their reaction escalate things. After all, they may be used to defending themselves during your marital disagreements and it may take a while for them to see that things can be discussed calmly and rationally.
If you understand the true reason behind your anger then a path to resolution should be fairly clear. What will it take to rectify the situation? That is your only goal. It's not to prove who's right or wrong. It's not the time to bring past issues into the discussions which will only confuse things. It is only to bring relief in way of removing whatever issue was causes this anger.
Remember, the more openly you and your partner can communicate the happier you both will be and this can lead to a flourishing relationship that will continue to grow..
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