Being a single parent has many challenges, however, being the single parent of a teenager can be one of the biggest parenting challenges of all. You are always the final say, you don't necessarily have someone to bounce ideas off, you carry all the worry all the time, you are fully responsible if you feel like you made a poor decision and you are all alone on the receiving end of the strong emotions often displayed by adolescents.
Teens are very good at catching parents when they are already busy doing something else. How often has your teen asked you for permission to do something when you were trying to put away the groceries or cook dinner or when you were doing work on the computer? This often works in their favor because you are busy and involved with something else so you are more likely to just say "yes" because you don't have the time (or often the energy) for a long conversation about what it is they want permission to do. Being a single parent brings more of these scenarios because they will come to you for EVERYTHING which can be emotionally draining to say the least.
In addition, as a single parent, your teenager does not have the constant role modeling of a two parent family where decisions are negotiated and role modeled by adults. Teens learn from observing two adults interact in a loving, respectful manner in two parent households. In addition, often times teens can become thrown into an adult role before they are ready in single parent households. It is normal that as a single parent you may need your teenager to pick up a bit more of the slack than you would need in a two parent household. There is nothing wrong with this at allit is just good to be aware of it so that you can make sure you are not leaning on them for too much support.
While being the single parent of a teenager can be very challenging, there are some fairly simple steps you can take to help reduce the overall stress.
1. Make sure you take time for yourself.
It is very easy to get caught up in all the demands of work, family, appointments, etc. but it is critical that you take time EACH week for yourself. Whether taking walks, a warm bath, having a favorite hobby or going out for dinner with a friend, you need some time for yourself where you are not responsible for the needs of others.
2. Schedule a time to discuss bigger issues / decisions with your teenager.
This can help the "on the fly" demands that your teenager may place on you. I have worked with parents who have found it helpful to schedule one or two times per week where they are available to just focus on talking with their teens. This could be over dinner, while going for a walk or while driving to a schedule appointment. I have also had parents tell me they have their teenager email or text message them if they need to talk so that they can set up a time later in the day that is convenient for both (this is a sign of the times!). This allows for the conversation to take place when they can be fully focused on their teenager's needs.
3. Allow other adults into your teenager's life.
All parents, but particularly single parents, should welcome appropriate adults into their teenager's lives. This should not been seen as a weakness or as a sign that a parent cannot do "their job" effectively. Teens benefit from different perspectives and from learning from different adults. Allowing other adults (a coach, neighbor, Aunt, Uncle, older cousin, etc) to play a role in your teenagers life not only takes some of the burden off you but also allows them to have a richer experience in general. You will always still be the parent and make the final decisions!
4. Have your own support network.
Nobody can do everything on their own. As a single parent, it is important that you have your own support network. As a parent, you don't want to burden your children with your fears or worries but you do need some outlet for yourself. Using extended family, friends or other single parents for support and advice is invaluable and can really help reduce your overall stress. Being socially connected to others has many positive benefits for all adults and can be especially helpful during the unpredictable teenager years.
2009 Elite Life Coaching
Karen Vincent is a Certified Life Coach and a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker with a Masters Degree from Boston University. Karen has worked with teenagers / adolescents and their parents for the last 15 years in a variety of settings, including outpatient therapy, specialized schools, and in the home.
Karen has developed and conducted numerous parenting classes and support workshops specific to parents of teens. Karen has also created and presented training for professional staff including teachers, therapists and counselors who work with adolescents in Massachusetts, Connecticut and in New York City.
In her work, Karen partners with parents who are experiencing difficulties in connecting with their teenage children and who are struggling to manage social, emotional or behavioral issues which arise during the teenage years.
Disclaimer: All information on this site is provided for informational purposes only! By no means is any
information presented herein intended to substitute for the advice provided to you by any health care or other professional
or organization.
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