We sometimes believe there's not enough room in the body and soul to contain all the Lord will give us if we but ask. While Thrse's soul was filled to overflowing with the love of Jesus, her body was falling apart. The constant coughing, which had always concerned her sisters and Aunt Marie, turned into Tuberculosis.
The first signs of it took place on Holy Thursday evening of 1896. During that night, she felt a strange sensation. She coughed up a warm liquid. She didn't look to see what it was until the following morning, because the lights were out in the Carmel, and she didn't want to break a rule. When it was light enough to see, she found blood on her handkerchief. She was elated to have been given thegift of sharing in the Passion of Jesus.
But her little way, which she had practiced so long, forbade her to tell anyone about her problem. She went around as beautiful and as happy as ever, though she was suffering physically. No one had any idea of what was going on inside her. She wrote poems and plays during this period. As her cough became worse, she tried to cover it up. A time came, however, when she could no longer hide her illness. She was taken out of her cell, and put into the infirmary.
Thrse became the brunt of sarcastic remarks from some of the Nuns in the Carmel. Mother Marie de Gonzague, whose sieges of moodiness plummeted from bad to worse, from indifference to anger, took every opportunity to cut little Thrse. Other sisters made statements like "I don't know why they are speaking so much about Sister Thrse of the Child Jesus; she is not doing anything exceptional. One does not see her practicing virtue. You cannot even say that she is a good Nun."
In the face of all this, fevers, difficulty in breathing, sleeplessness, constipation, gangrene of the intestines, she maintained her attitude of well-being and cheerfulness, so that no one believed she was sick. Even her doctors were confounded by her appearance.
Thrse had always suffered bouts with her spirituality. She became spiritually dry almost every time she went on retreat. But in this last year of her life, satan's attacks became violent. She found herself doubting everything she had ever done or believed in. Her mind filled with fears of having lived for nothing and dying for nothing. She had thrown away her life on delusions. Her sleepless nights were filled with suspicion of all that she had ever embraced.
Was her little way the right way for her? Should she have instead, been a Priest, an Apostle, a Doctor of the Church? She had always envisioned herself in the missions of Indo-China (Vietnam). The Carmel of Lisieux had a Mission in Saigon and Hanoi; was that what the Lord had been calling her to? Had she ignored what He really wanted of her, in favor of this self-abandonment?
She wanted to be a Priest; women were not Priests; but she felt such a desire to be closer to Jesus in this way. It was a question that haunted her! She searched for the Lord to answer her through Scripture. She finally found her answer in Paul's first letter to the Corinthians, Chapter 12.
"You, then, are the body of Christ. Every one of you is a member of it . . . Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles or have the gift of healing? Do all speak in tongues, all have the gift of interpretation of tongues? Set your hearts on the greater gifts."
and then again in Chapter 13,
"If I speak with human tongues and angelic as well, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong, a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy, and with full knowledge, comprehend all mysteries, if I have faith great enough to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give everything I have to feed the poor and hand over my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing."
Thrse had been right. The little way was her way. She had peace, at last.
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Bob and Penny Lord are renowned Catholic authors and television hosts on EWTN, Global Catholic television. They are prolific writers about the Catholic faith, especially the Saints. More information on Saint Therese can be found at http://www.bobandpennylord.com/St_Therese_of_Lisieux.htm
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