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Sun Tzu Principles of War : Be Prepared
"To ... not prepare is the greatest of crimes; to be prepared beforehand for any contingency is the greatest of virtues."
There is a common saying that opportunity is for those who are prepared. Preparation is lots of hard work and time spent before the battle. The battle in the context of relationship could be a networking event, a birthday party or even a dinner date arranged by your friend for you. Taken in a positive note, Sun Tzu principle teaches us the importance of doing homework before the exam.
If it is a dinner date that you friend is helping you out with, finding out more about the person you going to meet will gives you an edge. What are some of his/her likes and dislikes? What is his/her favourite food, hobbies, etc? This homework will helps you in your dinner conversations and break the ice when both of you are feeling nervous.
Being prepared also means equipping yourself with basic tools like carrying a name card and giving it out to prospective partners at the networking event. Losers carry excuses and made remarks at winners that they are desperate and pushy. Winning require courage, preparation and conscious effort practising. Losers are fond of drawing conclusion that the event is boring and they are not able to find their partners there. They are passive and wait for opportunities to fall onto their lap while winners go out and make things happen. Nobody is more responsible that yourself in deciding if being in a relationship matters to you.
Sun Tzu Principles of War: Know thy self
The word enemy must not be construed in a negative sense as in a war battlefield. In modern love, it can be interpreted as a person, competitor, boss or even your parents.
"If you know yourself and your enemy, you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.
Do you know what truly motivates you? What causes it? If you think someone with certain attributes attracts you, have you given a deeper thought to it? Why is that so?
How much time are you spending to pursue what's truly important to you as a person? If integrity is your values, how do you live up to it? What are your strength and your weakness? Do you find someone who can complement your weakness attractive or the one who has the same strength as you?
For example, if you think family time is important, then someone who enjoys partying all the time may not be your cup of tea. Or you do not like pets for some reason, do you force yourself to pretend that you a pet lover and arrange a dog walk the next time you guys meet?
Sun Tzu Principles of War: Agent of Change
"Of the five elements, none is always predominant, of the four seasons, none lasts forever, of the days, some are long and some are short, and the moon waxes and wanes"
We can learn a lot from water! It does not conform to any shape, size but merely flows with it. It takes the path of least resistance. Similarly, if one is committed to have a relationship, to find their own happiness in life, then it is wiser to take positive action than to whine about what's not happening in their lives.
People like people who are like them. There is plenty of interest group from culinary skills, foreign languages, and botany to martial arts. Pick something that you like and be open to making friends in these groups. If you think you are lacking in communication skills, go attend a workshop, pick some books in the library or nearest bookstore and learn some skills (remember to apply). If you make a conscious effort to change for the better, you will notice more opportunities coming your way and your life is more colourful, fulfilling and joyful.
Disrupting your current single lifestyle pattern is a good start. Come Monday, start planning what you want to do for the weekend. Start small like going to the bookshop to pick up a book. Attend a workshop on building relationship skills. Join your nearest neighbourhood interest club. As you begin to notice a change in your positive mood and overall wellbeing, you may add more.
Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.
Applying these basic principles into your relationship will sharpen your relationship skills before going to war(courtship) and gives you the confidence, courage and capabilities when you meet the enemy(prospective partner). If you can read her mind, she's saying:"woo me the way i want it". Are you?
It's a myth that relationship favours those who have a glib tongue. To win someone's heart, it is more than words. Study your enemy, understand them; know their strategies, strength and weakness and you too can emerge as a victorious love warrior.
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