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Are you tired of listening to horrible music while someone puts you on hold? Are you weary of listening to your number choices to punch in so that hopefully, you get to talk to a real human, even though your neck and ear aches from hanging on?
I know much has been discussed about cell phone etiquette but I believe that what we all have to go through to get a bill corrected or need the services of a physician is way on the side of ridiculous. It lets us know that we are unimportant and others think our time is so available.
Here is my solution.
Reverse voice mail is what I would recommend.
This is how it would work:
Hello, you have reached the residence of _____________________.
Your call is very important to me. Please remember that you can also go to my website, which is http://www.____________________ for any questions that you have about dealing with me in any way. You will be pleasantly surprised to find my history, hobbies and any other important information that you will need. (This will be repeated in at least 3 different languages.)
- Press 1 if you are my friend and I'll call you back on my cell for sure.
- Press 2 if you are not my friend. Leave your name, number and extension and I may or may not get back to go, depending on our last encounter.
- Press 3 if you are one of my kids. "You should be calling me more often and by the way, you failed to respond to my last e-mail."
- Press 4 if you are the Veterinarian that Sunny visited last week. The medication is not working and Sunny is very depressed.
-Press 5 if you are the cable company. Please hear this: " I paid my bill on time.
Also, please restore my cable before the Bucs Game Sunday, as my husband is
Impossible to live with." If you have a touch telephone, say, "yes" at the tone and
I will connect you to my utilities voice bell. If there is no answer on that, please
do not hesitate to page me. I will be on my pager from 9:00am until 4:30pm,
except during the time from 12:30pm until 2:45pm. At that time, I will be
Walking my dog and also having my nails done.
-Press 6 if you need a break from this recording. I will put on some soothing music (how about You Light Up My Life?) while you brew yourself some chamomile tea.
-Press 7 if you are selling something. I am on the national no-call list. What that means is that I don't want any calls. Anyway, with economy the way it is today, I can't afford anything you are selling. (Note: This does not include my Avon lady.) "Hi Suzie, just leave some samples on my doorstep. If you are delivering what I ordered last time and I am not home, please leave everything on my porch except the lipstick. (It might melt).
-Press 8 if you are having a really bad day. I have provided meditation music and instructions on a few yoga poses for your enjoyment. This is a free service that I enjoy providing, but if you do want to make a donation, please go into my website, which is http://www.__________ and you may submit your donation through my pay pal account. Cheer up; your wait now is only 16.5 minutes. Might as well be doing some yoga and perhaps grab your weights. It's so good for that under-arm flab that Oprah calls "waving flags."
-Press 9 if you could take the time to fill out a survey about my most excellent telephone answering system. This unique system allows me to give my personal and undivided attention to any problems or situations that you may need to discuss with me. It was kind of pricey, but that's the least I could do.
-Press 10 if you are my doctor's office. Everything is OK now. I did experience a heart attach while trying to figure out what number to press. However, the nurse, who lives next door to me just happened to be ringing my doorbell and I crawled to the door and she came in right away and gave CPR. Don't you worry about me suing you for his incident. I cannot get through to my attorney (on the telephone). His voice mailbox has been full now for quite a few days.
-Press 11 if you don't know who to vote for. I have recorded all the debates between Senator Obama and Senator McCain. Also, FYI, Sarah Palin has a new website that will show you how you would look in a specific style of glasses. You can paste your picture on the site and "virtually" try on any pair of glasses. This does not mean I am a Republican. It doesn't mean I am a Democrat. I am not deciding my vote until the last minute. I hope I will be able to vote. I don't know what the price of gas will be by then. Also, if the stock market crashes, I don't know exactly where I will be living and therefore don't know if I will be registered at the correct precinct (if I have to move). Anyway, guess I am getting off the subject of what number to press. Remember this is 11. Press 11 if you need voting information.
-Press 12 if you really, really, really want to talk to me. This will take you to an extension where you can obtain my other cell phone number, which is specifically for text messaging. (I picked up a really sweet deal with a new telephone company). Please just text message me because I could be in church or at a meeting or I might even be at that new Richard Geer movie. It could be helpful if you will include in your text message if you have seen the movie and how you would rate it. If you could please let me know if it is a tearjerker, girly movie or if it is a "guy" movie. I'm guessing it is a chick flick. Anyway, I really, really do want to talk to you. You are very important to me. By the way, you are being recorded. I hope you don't mind.
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