The last few weeks have been depressing to say the least as several couple friends have struggled in their marriage while others are just starting out without a clue of how hard marriage can be for couples.
I was recently contacted by a friend who will celebrate 15 years of marriage this year. His news was that his wife wants a divorce and he is clueless as to what to do about it.
At the same time, my brother in law is will make that walk down the aisle this weekend. It is hard to not say they are just so young and have so much to learn.
Take heart if you find yourself in either of these situations scared and alone. The good news is that you are willing to get help or do whatever it takes to save your marriage even if you are just one person in the marriage.
The marriage union is a sacred union to God. Going through troubles is not a bad thing. In the end, your relationship can become this amazing, powerful, close union that God looks down on and smiles.
Here are some tips to get your marriage back on the right track or start on the right track.
Everyone is a year away from counseling
Some people refuse counseling because of pride issues. The truth is every person needs help at some point in their life. Counseling should not have a stigma attached to it. That being said, at any given moment, people are either a year out of counseling or a year away from counseling. As someone who had the pride issue, counseling may turn you off completely or it may do the same for your spouse. My advice is to get over it or go by yourself or get some books real quick. Engaged couples should really get premarital counseling. I think if we would have had that, things would have been so different because we would have known what to expect. Contact a local church for options. Many offer free counseling.
Forget the past
We all say things and do things that are hurtful. Forget those things. I admit I have struggled with attending my brother-in-laws wedding because I have felt they are so young. Recently a friend reminded me how wrong I was. God has taken the worse of circumstances and used them for his glory. My husband and I was the text book of sin. We met at a Pantera concert and i was sober for the first time in months. Within a year, we were living together in sin. We were selfish, young and stupid. It wasn't until the last six years that we really began to grasp the meaning of marriage and began working on our own. The past is the past. Strive to be where Christ wants you to be.
Get involved in church
Peer pressure is a great thing. The only thing that kept our marriage together when we were going through the rough times was being at church every week. If God can't reach you during the week, He will grab you by the neck during the weekend. Get involved with other couples your age and stage of life. Encouragement is a great medicine.
Finances
Unfortunately, finances are the number one reason people divorce. You have to have that conversation. Honestly, finances are still our family's major struggle. We still fight. But we know in the end, it is just money. Love is way more important. I suggest enrolling in Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. We took the class a year ago and are still trying to get to the point where we practice what he does, but it is an easy way to get on the right track and put an end to the arguments.
Learn to forgive
You see in the news of many politicians, pastors, etc. having affairs and the wife forgiving. Believe me, it happens the other way as well where the wife has an affair. We are called to forgive. This does not mean be a door mat. It does mean doing what is right in the sight of God. I know many will be irate at reading this and I agree it is not something the human flesh wants to do. Forgiveness must be a daily occurrence in every marriage. I would not give advice that I have not gone through myself. I know it is hard. You want to do like in the first chapter of Hosea and expose the spouse for everything they are, but it is not Godly. In the end, the reward is so much greater to be able to forgive.
Resources to check out
These books and websites are great resources to help any marriage that is struggling.
He Said, She Said: Candid Conversations about the Making of a Great Marriage by Bill & Anabel Gillham
When Bad Things Happen To Good Marriages by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot (anything by these authors)
www.familylife.com (great conferences, but expensive)
www.focusonthefamily.com
www.daveramsey.com
your local church
These are just a few suggestions to help with your marriage. Remember you only control yourself. Get help for yourself and put God first. Do a lot of prayer and everything will work for God's glory. Remember, issues are not a bad thing! God is working on you to have your family reach its fullest potential.
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