When we bought our house everything was new. Our house sat on a corner lot and was bordered by three streets. The tract developer told us when we landscaped not to change the grade of our backyard. On our side of the street, a natural drainage had been engineered throughout the tract and followed several tiers. Our back yard was the the final tier before the street. Any major changes to the grade would mean each of my neighbor's lawns would turn into a small lake.
There is not a lot of rain in California. But, when it did rain, the drainage into my yard and out to the street had run downhill into two parts of our fence. I wrote in a previous article about what had happened to the fence post in the corner of our yard. Because of its location, the standing water and insects had invaded that post leaving only a shell that could easily be broken apart with my bare hands. As I replaced the post I realized what had happened could have been avoided. The post could have been saved by clearing the engineered draining trench. I knew about the drainage issues, but I had neglected to do anything about it.
In that article I compared the rotten post to a marriage that had failed to give attention to the small details. Without a way to drain off the negative tides that inevitably ebb and flow through every marriage, soon there is little left to hold it together. Much like that fence post, a time will come when the marriage will fail.
But, there was another post the water had taken out as well. This post was not in standing water. In that part of the yard the water rushed downhill breaking around the post and into the street drain. It was the constant flow of the water that cut through the wood right at the ground level. In that section, the fence itself was holding up the post instead of the post holding up the fence.
Saving Your Marriage By Protecting the Supports and Repairing the Connections
Just like my fence, no marriage will last without consistent maintenance. The water of life constantly flows through our marriage eroding the supports and rotting the structure. Without proper drainage and protection, what was once a strong marriage over time gets weaker with each flood of negative circumstances. As I looked over my fence after I finished the repairs, I decided:
I would periodically inspect all of the supporting posts. They were the foundation of the fence. In marriage, love, acceptance, forgiveness, and communication are the supporting structures. If they are absent or failing, the marriage is failing.
If I saw signs of wear and tear in the posts, I would create drains or barriers to protect them from the water. In a marriage, this is especially important with communication. As you grow old together, choose develop deeper and more significant ways of communicating.
Finally, I would be sure the connecting pickets in the fence were just as secure. It does no good to have a fence that is just a row of supporting post with nothing to support. The connecting pickets provide protection and security. Building a good system of connections in a marriage provides protection and security as well as strengthening the marriage. These connections include family, friends, and neighbors.
As a marriage matures, it doesn't have to become hollow and empty. Rather, with the right care, your marriage can mature with a calm abiding strength that can face any situation with love, acceptance, forgiveness, and clear communication. -- wf
Wink Farrand has been a professional musician, a relationship coach, and a spiritual leader for the past 35 years. He writes a high content blog that includes courses and ebooks dedicated to saving marriages. He loves dating his wife and enjoys being with his family. Read his blog at => www.SaveYourMarriageResource.com
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