I would think that even Mother Teresa had her bad days. Maybe not, but it's probable that she did. Maybe when no one was looking, she threw her hairbrush at the wall in a fit of anger. Could that be? I think it's possible. Would that make her a bad person? Would it make people look differently towards her if they knew? If she went out that day to practice her philosophies and beliefs to the people, would she be a hypocrite?
I have been through a lot of life's experiences, for probably the same reasoning-to spread the word to people. If I didn't go through the experiences, I'd have nothing first hand to tell about. I have not lived a calm life-that would be a huge stetch of the imagination. While moving forward and dealing with whatever came along, I absorbed a lot about life and people, and especially, about myself.
Having a tinge of anger about me at all times, I had to figure out how not to let things bother me so much. I knew my anger began with a rocky relationship with my dad, and I pushed all those feelings to the bottom of my soul. I loved my father more than anyone, he just happened to have a bad temper and a short fuse. I, of course, would be cut from the same mold.
I was always reading different types of books, trying to get a handle on how I could calm my rushing soul. I read books on anger, and gathered as much knowledge as I could. Where does anger emanate from, and what philosophies and beliefs would help to change that? While reading up on helpful information about anger, I was also reading about astrology, and how that affected me.
My sign is cancer, and it is extremely complicated, and I fit every word written about it. My feelings always got hurt easily, I did get angry often, and I am a caring, compassionate person. Family and home are the most important to me. I am loyal and trustworthy, honest, and try to remain humble. I went to 12 step meetings for over 4 years, and it was like free therapy.
Listening to maybe 20 people a night tell their stories of unhappiness and anger and jealousy, greed, lying, cheating, and of course, drinking, gave me a better perspective on my own life. These people were unburdening their souls in order to get the help they needed, as I did, to come to terms with the past, make amends, change attitudes, and improve our lives.
Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable
Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out
Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs
This version of the 12 steps is an adaptation from the original 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and is intended for general use with any addictive or dysfunctional behavior.
These steps, and this program started my life heading in a new and better direction. I also kept reading near death experience books and Christianity books, and any psychology books I could find. I wanted to know how I ticked, why I ticked that way, and how I could change my ticks for the better. I did that, over many years, and continue to do so today.
However, I still get angry at times, but now I know how to handle it better. I still get confused and afraid, even though I know God is with me. I feel fed up with stupid nonsense and garbage. I've been known to fling a thing or two once in a while. That stopped when I got tired of cleaning up anger. I am human, I am trying to live the best life I can, and help the most people I can. I am a work in progress, and it's okay to be a work in progress. Practice, not perfection.
The information that helped me, is the information I write about. My life is ions away from when I walked into that first meeting, but I still work on myself daily. I know how to preach all that I learned, in the hopes it will help others, but, I don't always practice what I preach. And when those situations crop up, I use the information stored in my head, and I try to make things better, and change some more. I can still preach all I have read, experienced, and learned, and help others, while I'm trying to help myself. Now, I have to go clean up the glass all over the kitchen floor.
yes, that is the crutch of the whole program. we learn what the steps mean, and try to abide by them.
i have articles on every one of the steps, individualized, i'll find their numbers and e mail them to you if you're interested. the articles give you more of a feel of how the steps work in our lives.
I think it helps us to find out that "we aren't the only one" who struggles with whatever the topic might be - also defuses what the enemy can use. The main thing I want to do as I mature is keep learning and growing, sounds like you are there too. Marijo
yes, i am committed to learning and changing whatever needs to be changed. i've come a long way in this life, but i will never stop trying to gather information to learn how to live it better, more peacefully, and happier.
This is a very well written article and I can tell it comes from your heart. It's really good to know that we don't always have to practice what we preach. I can remember my mom saying to me, "Do as I say, not as I do." I'd have to guess that she understood your principle.
with so much stress and worry in lie, it's nice to know that although we try to do good, and are good, some days just don't cut it.
it's the human element.
and i don't think we should beat ourselves up over a few misguided episodes. i don't think God ever intended us to be perfect, and if He didn't, why should we?
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