She did not give birth to me but she was my "Mom"
Technically she was my Mother-in-Law, but our special bond broke the sterotype for Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law stories.
We used to laugh when we would watch shows about feuding in-laws and this special woman taught me how to love unconditionally, and gave me the strength to break the chain of dysfunctional family ties, which I referred to as Toxic Love and helped me develop a healthy relationship with my loved ones.
She was not only my Mom, but a dear friend and confidant and holds a very special place in my heart and this Mother's Day is going to be a rough one without her. She showed me how wonderful a loving and caring Mother-Daughter relationship could be and I will always be grateful to her for teaching me patience, tolerance and unconditional love that I was able to share with my son and daughter.
Because of these wonderful lessons my own daughter and I also have a very special bond of friendship, mutual respect and love for one another. In turn she will also develop this special bond with her own daughter who will be two and a half in June.
My birth mother and I had a very dysfunctional relationship. She could never relate to me and due to some mental problems our relationship was always strained and I always tried to get her approval but whatever I did was never good enough for her. My Father died in 1964 and I was only eleven and a half and she literally had a break down and could not cope with being a widow. The tables were turned and I became the parent and she made it very clear that since Daddy was gone and we had no money left I had to forget about being a child and pull my weight around the house. I was expected to cook, clean and cater to her every need since after all, she had to go out to work and support the two of us. I did what I was told.
My luck and life changed the day I met my husband who was my friend at the time. I was fourteen and spent a lot of time at his house. I did not realize at the time how this special woman would change my life forever and help me become the woman I am today.
When I first met Mom, she was very kind and I saw how much my husband adored her. She also had a rough time and worked two jobs and her marriage of twenty-five years ended in divorce. You never heard an unkind word about her ex husband and she never complained about working the two jobs or her present situation. She always managed to find the good in everyone and always gave people the benefit of the doubt. I admired her from the very beginning and we shared a very special relationship for thirty-nine years.
That wonderful relationship ended tragically in July of 2005 when she had a massive stroke and lost her battle on August 1, 2005. My daughter, granddaughter and I were at her side the entire month at the hospital and finally at the nursing home where she died from complications of that stroke. We would try and talk to her and although she could not communicate with us verbally she was very expressive with her beautiful hazel eyes and was able to reach for my granddaughter with her left arm and utter little sounds. We knew that she loved us and she knew that loved was returned and my daughter, granddaughter and I still miss her very much. She was only seventy eight when she died.
Every holiday has been so empty but to have to acknowledge the first Mother's Day without her seems unbearable. My birth mother passed away this February but she had a wonderful and full life and lived to be ninety six. I was able to bury the past with her and pray that she finds the peace in death that she could not find in life.
I know that Mom would not want us to mourn her death but rejoice in life and to remember all the wonderful memories we all shared over the years. We will try and honor her by creating new memories and we will be sharing the day with her sisters, and keep her memory alive for the grandchildren.
Luckily my grandson is nine and has some wonderful memories of his Gram who used to bake brownies and cookies with him and even though my granddaughter is only two and a half, she also shared a very special bond because her Mammie used to watch her three days a week. We have told the grandchildren that she is their guardian angel and she will always be with them to protect them and love them.
Unfortuantely, it is human nature to take the ones we love for granted and we always think they will be there for us. We learned the hard way and the only advice I can share is that you tell your loved ones on a daily basis how much you love them and cherish each day with them because you never know when that will be the last time you are all together.
So this Mother's Day, give Mom that extra hug, and kiss and let her know just how special she is and that you appreciate all she has done for you. Remember a "Mom" does not necessarily mean it is the woman who gave birth to you, but someone who was a Mom to you. She can be an Aunt, Sister, Mother-in-law or any other special woman in your life.
Happy Mother's Day to all!!!
Iris S. Taub |
